coping when it gets personal

nomofica

nomofica

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I know the general rule to cope with death on the job is to not let it get personal, however I experienced something quite emotionally disturbing last night.

I was working my non-EMS job, which happens to be a contracted event security firm. We were providing security for a rave last night, in which I had met somebody who happened to know a few of the same people I did, and so naturally there was that friendly connection.

At about 0300 this morning (still at the rave, which was from 2000 - 0600 hrs) a call goes over our radios that there is a man down in a back hallway of the venue. Upon escorting event EMS to the scene, it was then that I noticed that it was the individual whom I had become acquainted with earlier on during the event. Given the nature of the event (rave), it was a pretty good hypothesis that he had overdosed on MDMA. Now, just seeing him in that state through me completely off guard (and, although a bit personal, I was already in a semi-off state of mind given my girlfriend just recently left me). After loading him off to an awaiting ambulance, I requested a 10-100 (break).

The rest of the night it seemed to hover above me but didn't affect my ability to do my job. However, at about 1700 hrs I received an email from my employer stating that the individual had indeed died at approximately 0600 hrs. Now, given the state of mind I was in from the previously mentioned personal issues and the lack of sleep (operating on 4 hours of sleep within the past 48), the news hit me pretty hard. I've talked with others about my feelings and all that jazz already, but for some reason I'm taking this harder than I should. I have never been hit this hard when in EMS as I expect that a pt will not survive, but given these circumstances it quite obvious it had a significant effect on me.

As I have said, I've gone through some debriefing. However, it doesn't feel as if much has changed. Any thoughts, comments, suggestions or even criticism would be appreciated.
Thanks
 
In honesty

People die. I've had people I knew and was friends with die from drugs, and I was there. In one case, the guy burned alive because he was high and couldn't figure out how to escape the room when it was on fire.

I'll be honest with you: I felt bad that my friend wasted his potential. I chose to remember what he was and what potential he had. I then moved on with life, because, even though I live my life as healthy as possible, even though I don't drink, do drugs, etc., I could die tomorrow.

I choose not to mourn; I've cried, and sometimes even be depressed for a day or two, but I have to put it in a positive attitude and continue moving forward. When I know someone has died an ignoble death, I feel pity for the lost potential, but I feel embarrassed at the lack of personal responsibility. Still, the potential is what matters and prevents bitterness. The memory of the good acts prevents depression. The chance for me to make a positive impression keeps me going.

I hope you move forward. Life's short. What's beyond it?
 
Find a trusted friend, or a counselor, and talk about it. DO NOT try to keep it to yourself. That will ruin you.

I know that by posting on here, you will get some great responses. But talking to someone face-to-face will be very beneficial.

Good luck, and I'm sorry about what you had to go through.

Eric
 
As a frequent Raver myself... I understand the difficulty that your undertaking. Its hard for me to go to raves and actually enjoy myself when I know that people left and right are OD'ing on MDMA and other drugs. Even at the last rave i went to, someone shouted... OMG shes Throwing up everywhere...and non awake... And guess who stopped to help... you guessed it... your truly. turns out she got raped minutes before that too. Now, yes, she didn't die.. but I know how you are feeling with the "semi" helplesness and then to have bad thing happening in your life... it hurts. but things can only get better im sure.

best of luck to ya. I'll keep ya n my prayers man

Dv
 
medichopeful said:
Find a trusted friend, or a counselor, and talk about it. DO NOT try to keep it to yourself. That will ruin you.

I know that by posting on here, you will get some great responses. But talking to someone face-to-face will be very beneficial.

Good luck, and I'm sorry about what you had to go through.

Eric
Click to expand...

Which is why I posted it here instead of bottled it up completely. And, like I said, I have talked to people face-to-face. But I suppose I should wait a few days just for the dust to settle, so to speak.

I'm sure that I'll be better in a couple days and this will definitely be a learning experience for myself.
 
nomofica said:
Which is why I posted it here instead of bottled it up completely. And, like I said, I have talked to people face-to-face. But I suppose I should wait a few days just for the dust to settle, so to speak.

I'm sure that I'll be better in a couple days and this will definitely be a learning experience for myself.
Click to expand...

Posting it here was definitely a good idea. All I'm saying is that it may be more helpful to seek some professional counseling, which may last a while.
 
DV_EMT said:
As a frequent Raver myself... I understand the difficulty that your undertaking. Its hard for me to go to raves and actually enjoy myself when I know that people left and right are OD'ing on MDMA and other drugs. Even at the last rave i went to, someone shouted... OMG shes Throwing up everywhere...and non awake... And guess who stopped to help... you guessed it... your truly. turns out she got raped minutes before that too. Now, yes, she didn't die.. but I know how you are feeling with the "semi" helplesness and then to have bad thing happening in your life... it hurts. but things can only get better im sure.

best of luck to ya. I'll keep ya n my prayers man

Dv
Click to expand...

It's good to have somebody who understands the rave culture comment on this, as you know the demographic. The last rave-type event we had wasn't nearly as bad, although one lady did overdose on MDMA as well as GHB (strangely, self-ingested...) and possibly other narcotics and was only moments away from a potential rape.

Anyways, thanks. It's greatly appreciated. I guess that just knowing that there are people who still care about complete strangers makes me feel a lot better. But that's also why I chose EMS.
 
medichopeful said:
Posting it here was definitely a good idea. All I'm saying is that it may be more helpful to seek some professional counseling, which may last a while.
Click to expand...


Well, I do know some councilors who I can confide in. Although I have done CIS debriefing already with an Alberta Health Services-provided councilor earlier today, I may yet still call one of them to have a chat. Thank you for your suggestion.
 
Debriefing might not be enough. Does your service have counseling or chaplains? Can you go to them without being stigmatized? If that's possible, I'd recommend it.

Catch up on your sleep, too. Sleep deprivation can seriously intensify bad emotions.
 
nomofica said:
Well, I do know some councilors who I can confide in. Although I have done CIS debriefing already with an Alberta Health Services-provided councilor earlier today, I may yet still call one of them to have a chat. Thank you for your suggestion.
Click to expand...

You're very welcome. Best of luck to you.
 
Seaglass said:
Debriefing might not be enough. Does your service have counseling or chaplains? Can you go to them without being stigmatized? If that's possible, I'd recommend it.

Catch up on your sleep, too. Sleep deprivation can seriously intensify bad emotions.
Click to expand...


My EMS job does, my security job does not. But as I've said in another reply, I do know a couple councilors who I've known for a while, one on a more personal level and for several years. I may just call one of them up and see if I can have a sit-down with them.
 
nomofica said:
My EMS job does, my security job does not. But as I've said in another reply, I do know a couple councilors who I've known for a while, one on a more personal level and for several years. I may just call one of them up and see if I can have a sit-down with them.
Click to expand...

Sorry about that--I left the reply window up for a bit, and didn't see your post.

In case it's relevant, the one with a personal connection would be ethically bound to refuse formal professional contact with a friend (if other counselors are available) under American APA standards. Canada's rules are generally similar, from the little I know.

Regardless, best of luck with everything.
 
Seaglass said:
Sorry about that--I left the reply window up for a bit, and didn't see your post.

In case it's relevant, the one with a personal connection would be ethically bound to refuse formal professional contact with a friend (if other counselors are available) under American APA standards. Canada's rules are generally similar, from the little I know.

Regardless, best of luck with everything.
Click to expand...
By personal, I don't mean as a friend. He's helped me a lot when I had a bout of depression in my early years of high school. Teen age angst!
 
I've had enough people die on me it's just like eh ..... *notch in the mental bedpost

Best of luck mate :)
 
medichopeful said:
Find a trusted friend, or a counselor, and talk about it. DO NOT try to keep it to yourself. That will ruin you.
Click to expand...

No one could/can give better advice then that. Don't think that you are "weird" for having to use a counselor... that's what they are there for. You would be surprised at how many EMS providers have had to use them before... I have only had to talk to a counselor once, but would do it again in a heart beat if needed.

Good Luck,
tydek
 
I have to say from experience..." This is where family and close, close friends count the most in your career." They'll be the support and motivation to keep you going.
 
{Quote}:
I choose not to mourn; I've cried, and sometimes even be depressed for a day or two, but I have to put it in a positive attitude and continue moving forward. When I know someone has died an ignoble death, I feel pity for the lost potential, but I feel embarrassed at the lack of personal responsibility. Still, the potential is what matters and prevents bitterness. The memory of the good acts prevents depression. The chance for me to make a positive impression keeps me going. {QUOTE]}

You mourned no matter what you've named it. The point being, you did what you needed to do and moved forward.
 
Grief is normal. Being affected emotionally by traumatic events is normal. It's not normal when it last too long, doesn't get better and continues to bother you.

I wouldn't race to a counselor until the normal processing of the event that occurs with time has a chance to work.
 
Time

I've been on the job for seven years. Four of them as a Paramedic. I have seen many loved ones lost to many different circumstances. I even lost a great mentor to a fire that I was working at. I can't even tell you how many times I wake up in the middle of the night, even now. It's easy for someone to say don't bring your job home with you. But when you do what we do, and see what we see, the job becomes very personal. My point is, that if you feel bad, talking to someone may or may not help. The same applies to counseling. You have to find your own way to cope.
 
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