"Best" things heard in dispatch

vc85

Forum Crew Member
89
17
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This is mostly for those that worked in dispatch, but I think everyone can relate to it

What are the some of the doozies you have heard working dispatch or have had a dispatcher tell you about a caller, etc...

My two bests, both came from assisted living/"skilled" nursing care places:

1. And I quote: "I don't need no EMTs or nothin' like that but I need an ambulance for two patients. One has a blood pressure of 250/130 with a bad headache, the other is altered mental status.":blink:


2. Caller: The patient is having general weakness
Me: Okay, so weak all over their body
Caller: Yes, weakness all over the left side of their body, and their face is even drooping on that side
Me: ....:blink:
 

mycrofft

Still crazy but elsewhere
11,322
44
48
"True tapes of Offutt Crash Rescue 1976" (watch for it next fall)

Caller: :This is Sarpy County Sheriff Deputy WXYZski, we see an odd-looking light to the south and we would like you to send up a jet to check it out".

DISPATCHER DAN: "Are you sh:censored::censored:'in" me!!??"
===========================================
Same dispatcher a month later:

Assistant Chief on radio: "Control, where is that reported fire again?"

DISPATCHER: "Uh, uh….".

Asst Chief: "Control, where is it?!".

DISPATCHER: "Uh, look for the smoke!".
 

EMDispatch

IAED EMD-Q/EMT
374
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In no particular order:

"So... The aliens are on your roof?"
"You can stop doing CPR, if they're talking to you they don't need it"
"Your house is on fire? .... Get the F--- out of the house!"
"You need the police to take your child to school?"
"I'm sorry I don't have the time to tell you how to tie your tie."
"What is the Pink elephant saying to you?"
"I'm sorry I don't know the hours for McDonalds."
"You chased the turkey across the road... and now it's angry at you?"
"So you're calling because the deer aren't crossing between the signs?"
"How many hours have has it been like that? oh, days... yep they say to call after a few hours."
"There's and accident where? Oh, you can see the emergency vehicles on scene? Yes we're aware of the accident"
"You got---- stuck in your ----"
"So you called the police, but don't want them to respond or take a report?"
"They stole your crack?"
"No I don't know how long it'll take at the hospital"

Sorry for the rez, but I had to share some.
 

johnrsemt

Forum Deputy Chief
1,305
154
63
Person called and stated he was in cardiac arrest and wanted to know if he should start CPR on HIMSELF.

Floor nurse in hospital called 911 cause her patient was in cardiac arrest.
 

Grimes

Forum Asst. Chief
734
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Floor nurse in hospital called 911 cause her patient was in cardiac arrest.
Not to generalize floor nurses, I've seen some real good ones, but have also seen some blue scrubs hit the fan when their, or any, Pt crashes. Had one a week ago drop hospital tones for a cardiac arrest when the Pt was postictal and talking to me.

Medic: -Hospital Name- this is -Medic#-, we are inbound with a 35 y/o male complaining of toe pain. End report. ETA 5 minutes.
Hospital: -Medic#-, trauma room assignment on arrival.
 

avdrummerboy

Forum Lieutenant
151
20
18
Dispatch to units: "...Male with.... with.....ah.... with a hard on for six hours now."

Sad thing is, this was a repeat patient, though the next few times he called it was dispatched as a 'medical aid.' Lol I'm assuming that someone in the dispatch center got a talking to.
 

Mtnmedic

Forum Probie
23
9
3
"AA 5-5, I'll show you enroute to (address) for a man bitten on his big toe by a poisonous fish. Fire is enroute as well."

"AA 5-5...we copy. You said poisonous fish....um....big toe?"

"Yeah. We asked the RP the same thing. Apparently he dipped his foot into an aquarium. Don't ask me why."
 

Smitty213

Contributor of Tidbits
93
21
8
Dis-"Radio to 42"
Amb-"42, go ahead"
Dis-"42, you're going hot with PD, Church St, east of Main, in the area of the woods there, for a 35yo F stating she's going to light herself on fire"
Amb-"Copy Radio... how hot do you want this; with all the trees, this could get ugly"
Dis-"42, per PD request, as hot as usual... I'll get fire on standby"
Amb"(chuckling) copy, on the way"
(Other unit from south part of the county)" Careful there 42, we still need to acquire a shrubbery!"
 

MS Medic

Forum Captain
323
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28
Was dispatched out a medical call. Dispatch had me call on the phone. They had to let me know the call was for a pt who said her "tooty-cat is hurting"
 

MS Medic

Forum Captain
323
43
28
Lol! Are you serious? How did you not laugh at the person? How did you handle the situation?
My basic rule is to always be polite and courteous to the pt until they give me a reason not to be. I usually laugh at them behind their backs at moments like this.
 
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AllGoode

Forum Probie
21
9
3
Was dispatched out a medical call. Dispatch had me call on the phone. They had to let me know the call was for a pt who said her "tooty-cat is hurting"
I must have missed the class on the anatomy/physiology of the "tooty-cat"
What was she talking about?
 

cryptometaphor

Forum Ride Along
4
3
3
We're private ambulance primary 911 response.Tones for chest pain in a residential area.
We arrive, start assessing the patient...ladder truck arrives.
Rescue truck arrives.
Battallion chief arrives.
Continue assessment, begin treatment...more sirens in the distance.
Over the radio, second ladder truck on the way!

My supervisor happened to be onscene...
"Dispatch, you can have the second ladder truck cancel--we already have a ladder truck, rescue, and battalion chief here with three paramedics for our chest pain patient."
 

johnrsemt

Forum Deputy Chief
1,305
154
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Had a lady call 911, and drop the phone. (Teach in schools to do that for fires, drop phone and run) Dispatch sent a full box alarm: (apartment complex) 4 engines, 3 ladders Battalion chief. When they arrived and found the apartment, girlfriend was doing CPR on boyfriend.
40 FF, 16 medics, all ALS gear you would ever need. Just no ambulance to transport. I showed up on ambulance, easiest cardiac arrest I ever worked as a medic. I think I drove Patient survived.
 

Jim37F

Forum Deputy Chief
3,201
1,778
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Had a lady call 911, and drop the phone. (Teach in schools to do that for fires, drop phone and run) Dispatch sent a full box alarm: (apartment complex) 4 engines, 3 ladders Battalion chief. When they arrived and found the apartment, girlfriend was doing CPR on boyfriend.
40 FF, 16 medics, all ALS gear you would ever need. Just no ambulance to transport. I showed up on ambulance, easiest cardiac arrest I ever worked as a medic. I think I drove Patient survived.
Yeah 911 hangups here will get PD but normal EMS response (Engine, ALS Squad, BLS Ambulance). Even for fires, unless it's a working fire or reported persons trapped they don't dispatch an ambulance on the initial alarm...my old dept dispatched us on the initial assignment but we'd go code 2, here when we do get dispatched we go code 3 (and last time almost beat the BC in to the fire lol)
 
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