Talk and time
I didn't quite catch your level of experience and time at the work, not that that matters much, but it does play a part assessing the impact on you. The more exposure you get the more quickly you learn that you're there to do what you can, tragedy befalls everyone, yes, kids are pretty much the toughest to deal with emotionally.
And that's what you had, an emotional assault. The haunting visions in your head, unfortunately, are real because you lived them. You experienced the sensation of a life passing while in your charge and, all the more painful, it was at its very beginning.
There are seasoned people out there, and HERE, that can begin to help you start sorting through the experience. Sometimes you need to to make sure you're absolutely clear you did everything that you could.
It may be a challenge but I'm suggesting you take a little time -- without risking too much -- to find one of your peers, or peers elswhere in EMS, live people, where you could feel safe in going through what is now the beginning of a process.
It doesn't have to debilitate you or keep you from working, but this is gonna take a while, and it's going to take your attention. A short session is not likely to do it.
So that means you need to start reaching out to those whom you can trust to talk, talk, talk this out until the whole thing is sorted out. It wasn't just about losing a kid. It was about the visuals, what was done and not done and by whom, and perhaps your most challenging aspect, your relationship with yourself and children and life.
The actual call was the pebble in the lake. Many ripples are buffetting you. Don't expect a quick fix but truly count on this to ultimately help you become not only a better provider but better able to lend support to those following you.
That alone is worth sticking this out.
We're here, I'm here, use us and Blessings on your journey.