Was it worth it.

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Wasitworthit

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So to start out. I was a EMT for 8 years. Was on a 911 ambo for 3 and did psych care before that. Starting out I was always able to swallow the saddness and “be a man” about things. I left the ambo because I was no longer able to do that. Just a average code would shake me. To be honest, in my opinion, I really didn’t see horrific things. There are people including some of my last partners that have seen really disturbing things and are still on the job. There are soldiers that go to war and see haunting things. But I till this day I am shook about calls, I can close my eyes and see the faces of the of pts, my body literally puts its self back at the scene. I feel like such a pu**y. There are days that I come home to my wife in tears just cuz I can’t get them off my mind. I just wish the public knew how strong you all who are still in the field and who served many years are.
 
Wasitworthit said:
So to start out. I was a EMT for 8 years. Was on a 911 ambo for 3 and did psych care before that. Starting out I was always able to swallow the saddness and “be a man” about things. I left the ambo because I was no longer able to do that. Just a average code would shake me. To be honest, in my opinion, I really didn’t see horrific things. There are people including some of my last partners that have seen really disturbing things and are still on the job. There are soldiers that go to war and see haunting things. But I till this day I am shook about calls, I can close my eyes and see the faces of the of pts, my body literally puts its self back at the scene. I feel like such a pu**y. There are days that I come home to my wife in tears just cuz I can’t get them off my mind. I just wish the public knew how strong you all who are still in the field and who served many years are.
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I have ran a fair share of calls that I remember every single detail that you want to forget. I’m not sure if you’re provided with some type of incident counseling but if you are, take advantage of it. My department offers this and I feel like many people, including myself, have seen positive impacts from simply talking.
 
Honestly, what gets to me is very random. I’ve been on a bunch of dead body recoveries is SAR, and worked a bunch of codes or messed up traumas and frankly, none of that has ever done anything but make me hungry from the energy output.

On the other hand, I was on a seizure for an infant a few weeks back, where I never even laid hands on the kid, but the details (might’ve been avoidable...kid had been sick for days...parents took him out in sun in 90+ degree weather for 10 hours...and we couldn’t get the seizure to break for more than 30 min and couldn’t get a good airway) left me drinking beers in the bathtub and questioning God and the universe when I got home.

You never know what random thing will get to you.

-Never be ashamed of how you feel.
-Find someone (hopefully from the same calls) that is willing to listen.
-See out professional counseling to work through how you are feeling and be able to see it from a different perspective.
-Make sure you find time for yourself and your family and “hold on to what you love”.
-Ensure that you have a healthy work/life balance, and re-energize yourself from it.
-Find healthy eustressors like working out or a softball league, and try to remove distressors like alcohol.
 
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