so today at work we get called for an als intercept for a peds arrest. because the bls crew asked for the intercept, we knew it was a confirmed arrest. turns out to be a 1 week old who appeared to aspirate on her formula and was limp/cyanotic/apnic and pulseless upon our arival to the bls bus. My partner tubed the kid, I drew up all the meds (how did I remeber all the dosages so fast I don't know) as another als provider popped in an IO. we go to the ER which was 3 min away and bring the kid it. One of the nurses picks the kid up and puts them onto their streatcher, which ends up flexing the kids neck back. uess what happened........ yep, that's it.... The tube became disloged. When the doc checked lung sounds said "I don't here anything." Now I confirmed lung sounds, my partner did too as well as the other als provider. That's 3 people confirming the tube. Now it's not good, which makes us look bad. We did have a pulse ox of 100 from ventilations, but in our error, we didn't print up a strip of the pulse ox or wave format of capnography. IO wasn't flowing well so we pulled it and ended up having the drugs down the tube. The kid was worked on for a long time, but asystole the entire time in the ED. Code called and everyone went back to their work. It's sad and all, but my point on writing this is that there were a few nurses that i work with and am very good friends with that were very upset after the code and were sad. Now I know this is a difficult situation, but I don't have any feelings at all during or after the arrest. I felt bad for the family, but the day that I get emotional about a call is the day that I don't think I can do this anymore. I don't know how, but I am able to have the hysterical parents and weeping family members's emotions and actions just roll of my back as I carry on with my next job. I am in no way a cold heartless ******* (well maybe a little) but I guess seeing death and dying so much it doesn't even register anymore with me. I took that job and carried on after as if I just ran a chest pain call or a guy with a LAC to his hand. I do feel for the family who just lost thier only kid, but does anyone else feel like this after a call or am I truly heartless now. It's good that I can keep a cool head in a difficult situation ( I never did such quick drug math before in my life all in my head) but I guess I'm now your typical male and am void of all emotion. Oh well, till the next job......
peds arrest
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My question would be: Does it really just roll off your back? I mean, you're here posting about it which means you're still thinking about it. Do you think you just push the feelings away cause you don't know how to deal with it? Or do you deal with it and you just don't realize that you are?
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I would have to agree with Chimpie on this one. The fact that you are talking about it here means it does bother you at some level, but your ability to carry on means you either deal with it or push it out of the way until later.
On any call where my patient dies, I remind myself that I did nothing to cause their problem and a lot to try and change it. Sometimes that isn't enough.
Your apparent lack of emotion on scene doesn't mean that you are a heartless SOB, but means that you know there is a time and place for everything. A medic that can't control his emotions on scene is worthless to the patient and to his crew.
On any call where my patient dies, I remind myself that I did nothing to cause their problem and a lot to try and change it. Sometimes that isn't enough.
Your apparent lack of emotion on scene doesn't mean that you are a heartless SOB, but means that you know there is a time and place for everything. A medic that can't control his emotions on scene is worthless to the patient and to his crew.
rescuecpt
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I used to be like that until a series of events in my life changed things - now I get upset when I lose a patient (AFTER THE CALL, not during), and it usually takes a full day of shopping and bubble baths to recover (no joke, that's how I do it).
I know you, medic03, you're not a heartless ******* in the least. In fact, you're one of the kindest, most compassionate guys I know - but you're also very smart, very good at what you do, and you have a very clinical way of looking at things. I think those factors all end up balancing each other out.
I agree with Chimpie and FFEMT, I think this did affect you more than usual and that's why you're posting about it here. It's good that you keep such a level head - it helps all of your patients, including the ones you encounter after a loss like this.
Anyways, now that I've probably embarrassed you because I said nice things in front of others, I'll be going now...
I know you, medic03, you're not a heartless ******* in the least. In fact, you're one of the kindest, most compassionate guys I know - but you're also very smart, very good at what you do, and you have a very clinical way of looking at things. I think those factors all end up balancing each other out.
I agree with Chimpie and FFEMT, I think this did affect you more than usual and that's why you're posting about it here. It's good that you keep such a level head - it helps all of your patients, including the ones you encounter after a loss like this.
Anyways, now that I've probably embarrassed you because I said nice things in front of others, I'll be going now...
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I've only worked a couple calls that have really gotten to me, and sometimes I still think about them.
From what I've seen on the board, you're a knowledgable and seemingly diligent medic, and 'ole capt even called you compassionate, and I don't doubt the capt... ever.
I can't imagine not having a hard time with that call, and even the best, most seasoned medics at my company still have hard times with certain calls. The truth is, the day that I really don't care, I mean REALLY don't care, is the day I don't want to be working in EMS anymore.
I think you care, but I think in some situations it's hard to verbalize it to coworkers. I'll be honest and say I cried after my first shift where I saw an infant worked as a full cardiac code. I also had a hard time when I experienced my first on- scene death.
Some of the most respected guys I work with have been through hell and back on certain calls, and they too have emotions. I've heard war stories, and how some calls have profoundly impacted the lives of some EMTs.
This job is an emotional one, but for some reason it's expected that we're life-savings robots. I've never been emotional on scene, because I don't feel that's the best place, but sure the car ride home is an emotional one. That's what McDonalds invented the Egg McMuffin for, it makes the emotional car rides home that much easier
I'm not good at expressing my emotions, but this is one area that I've really come to accept and welcome. Compassion, that's what EMS is all about
From what I've seen on the board, you're a knowledgable and seemingly diligent medic, and 'ole capt even called you compassionate, and I don't doubt the capt... ever.
I can't imagine not having a hard time with that call, and even the best, most seasoned medics at my company still have hard times with certain calls. The truth is, the day that I really don't care, I mean REALLY don't care, is the day I don't want to be working in EMS anymore.
I think you care, but I think in some situations it's hard to verbalize it to coworkers. I'll be honest and say I cried after my first shift where I saw an infant worked as a full cardiac code. I also had a hard time when I experienced my first on- scene death.
Some of the most respected guys I work with have been through hell and back on certain calls, and they too have emotions. I've heard war stories, and how some calls have profoundly impacted the lives of some EMTs.
This job is an emotional one, but for some reason it's expected that we're life-savings robots. I've never been emotional on scene, because I don't feel that's the best place, but sure the car ride home is an emotional one. That's what McDonalds invented the Egg McMuffin for, it makes the emotional car rides home that much easier
I'm not good at expressing my emotions, but this is one area that I've really come to accept and welcome. Compassion, that's what EMS is all about
Here's a question for you all: What should you do if you can't handle a call? It's one of those that just eats at you forever, or it's a series of calls that all add up or keep reminding you of that one.
You know you have a problem: You can't eat. Food smells disgusting. And when you do, 9 times out of 10 you throw it back up anyway. You can manage to have days when you aren't tired. You just keep going and going- 24, 48, 72hrs at a time. And when you finally do crash, you have dreams that give you restless nights, tossing and turning, and you eventually wake up in a cold sweat. You just randomly start crying or have this overwhelming depression fall over you that you just can't shake no matter what you do. Sometimes you can barely even concentrate. But it comes in waves. The sleep is a constant problem. Everything else comes and goes in a fashion that makes you think "alright, now I'm better and can go on with things again".
If this actually happens to you, or you see it in someone else, what should you do?
-Ray
You know you have a problem: You can't eat. Food smells disgusting. And when you do, 9 times out of 10 you throw it back up anyway. You can manage to have days when you aren't tired. You just keep going and going- 24, 48, 72hrs at a time. And when you finally do crash, you have dreams that give you restless nights, tossing and turning, and you eventually wake up in a cold sweat. You just randomly start crying or have this overwhelming depression fall over you that you just can't shake no matter what you do. Sometimes you can barely even concentrate. But it comes in waves. The sleep is a constant problem. Everything else comes and goes in a fashion that makes you think "alright, now I'm better and can go on with things again".
If this actually happens to you, or you see it in someone else, what should you do?
-Ray
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Seek professional help...if that didn't work, I'd get out of EMS for a couple of years until I could deal with it.
rescuecpt
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Yup, CISD, counseling, if not given to you by the county/state they should be covered somehow by your department - either worker's comp or the departments insurance policy.
When I start getting burned out, I set limits for myself - Only go on x # of calls per week, provided the calls are covered (if a 3 is blown for manpower, i'll go no matter how many i've done). I know it's not right to pick & choose, but if I dont get enough sleep and if i'm burned out, I'm no help to anyone.
When I start getting burned out, I set limits for myself - Only go on x # of calls per week, provided the calls are covered (if a 3 is blown for manpower, i'll go no matter how many i've done). I know it's not right to pick & choose, but if I dont get enough sleep and if i'm burned out, I'm no help to anyone.
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Can't say it any better, Medic03.Originally posted by MMiz@Apr 5 2005, 10:44 PM
I've only worked a couple calls that have really gotten to me, and sometimes I still think about them.
From what I've seen on the board, you're a knowledgable and seemingly diligent medic, and 'ole capt even called you compassionate, and I don't doubt the capt... ever.
I can't imagine not having a hard time with that call, and even the best, most seasoned medics at my company still have hard times with certain calls. The truth is, the day that I really don't care, I mean REALLY don't care, is the day I don't want to be working in EMS anymore.
I think you care, but I think in some situations it's hard to verbalize it to coworkers. I'll be honest and say I cried after my first shift where I saw an infant worked as a full cardiac code. I also had a hard time when I experienced my first on- scene death.
Some of the most respected guys I work with have been through hell and back on certain calls, and they too have emotions. I've heard war stories, and how some calls have profoundly impacted the lives of some EMTs.
This job is an emotional one, but for some reason it's expected that we're life-savings robots. I've never been emotional on scene, because I don't feel that's the best place, but sure the car ride home is an emotional one. That's what McDonalds invented the Egg McMuffin for, it makes the emotional car rides home that much easier
I'm not good at expressing my emotions, but this is one area that I've really come to accept and welcome. Compassion, that's what EMS is all about
You seem to be a great guy, and are shaken up over this. I've yet to work a ped code, but have seen several VERY bad ped traumas that has fatal sydromes (Massive subdurals/subarachnoid with no neuro abilities) and they've been rough.
We are here if you need us.
Jon