Patient Friendly Jokes

New invention. A hybrid surgical robot. You start its engine and it operates on batteries.
 
We had our paramedics work in HR for a week to encourage better teamwork. They immediately sent out an employment ad that read "Supermodels wanted, (must know CPR.)."
 
Everything in product development these days is about connectivity. One company just came out with a new silent smoke alarm. When it detects smoke it sends you a text, tweets your friends, and posts a picture of the fire on facebook.
 
5 year old: "Mom, can I sleep with jumper cables under my pillow?"

Mom: "OK, but you have to promise not to start anything."
 
A couple was getting a little frisky behind the wheel of an Altima on a slick street, lost control and went slightly off the road, hit a tree with the front end and needed to call an ambulance and roadside assistance.

A classic case of Head, Shoulder, Nissan Tows, Ice, ERs, Mouth and Nose.
 
Good news, we are almost to the hospital, but we got another call. Are you familiar with how to tuck and roll?
 
Got a call last night. A woman collapsed on the airport luggage carousel. She came slowly around.
 
johnrsemt said:
When I ask for a finger and they don't give me the middle finger I tell them that they missed a good chance to flip me off.
When I am getting ready to stick an IV or finger stick I tell them if it hurts to punch my partner,
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I always tell them it's gonna hurt you more than it hurts me.
Another thing I tell them is to watch me and relax. If I get upset, then you need to get upset.
 
Fezman92 said:
Whenever I have a pt sign the standard paperwork I tell them “this is just saying that everything is confidential, authorization to bill insurance, and that you agreed to come with us and we didn’t kidnap you.” The last part always gets a laugh.
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I know it's a 2yr old post you made, but that's almost the same thing our transport RN says: "I need a quick signature from you saying it's ok for us to transfer you. We wouldn't want to kidnap you because you're lovely" Gets em everytime.
 
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