L&S5 finds his Hot Button!
Congratulations. It took you a few years but there you have it; out of nowhere, for no damned reason, you run this diddlypoop call and it's tearing your guts up!
As if, you were immune. As if you were more than human. You're just a guy (assumption) with a heart.
A heart? They don't supply that with your bootlace zippers or trauma shears. Oh, wait, wasn't that standard issue equipment from the get go? (Jeez, I remember that...it was in here somewhere!)
Almost forgot, didn't you? And where did you find it? In the tears of an abused child while you were torturing her because you thought she was a fake.
That's a pretty human thing you did there L&S5! Your Flesh Mechanic ran smack in to your heart!
She wasn't a fake. She was as real as you and that is exactly what's flipping you out. For one moment that is now echoing through your sleepless nights, you experienced what it means to be in someone else's skin. Does that ring true? You, for whatever reason, related so strongly to something living inside her that you took a bit of that pain on. That is called
Compassion (from
Latin: "co-suffering").
Thanks for bringing your lesson to us. Thanks for doing a bait and switch from, "Is this proper technique?" to "Help me out here, willya?"
But you've brought this to a den of wolves, don't you know? What do medics really talk about or care about? Pay, hours, calls, system discrepancies and system abusers, and the occasional pulled'emoutofthe:censored::censored::censored::censored:ter story.
The "culture" of the paramedic states you really can't do your work and be a human being, with emotional impacts, doubts and fears at the same time.
But let me tell you something. Most in EMS, and myself included, pretty much were able to handle the everyday traumas that would cripple the emotional lives of typical "citizens". The problem is, every one of us hits a wall now and again, and there are very few outlets for honest expression and support
.
And that is OUR fault!
Impactful moments that go unresolved add up. Without their being faced, they accumulate until they become a mass of unresolved issues covered over with layers of hard, impenetrable protection. Under that weight, suddenly, and often without warning, people crumble. And you know where that usually happens? Right at HOME!
THAT, MY FRIEND, IS CALLED BURNOUT.
REAL conversation? The truth is, you ARE on the right track. You're not the first to bring out issues like this, and, in fact, my observation is that it's more likely to happen here than at your station, so for that, congratulations are in order as well.
I suspect you're looking for support because you hit the limits of your humanity and think that someone here may have had the SAME experience.
So I'll stop here and offer everyone else a challenge: Are you willing to take what L&S5's said, translate it into your own experiences and mirror back SUPPORT?
That is, without getting too fixated on the size of the NPA, of course.
Just so it's clear, because these digits on a screen don't really convey one's attitude, I'm happy this came out and I appreciate it wasn't easy for you. In that you have my respect. You've done us all a service by your transparency and even if nothing happens here, I'm available for backup if you need it.
And one more thing...I really DO see that there are a lot of people on this site willing to step up to the plate for each other. I wouldn't invest so much if I didn't. There is much to work with here, and I am quite appreciative of you all!
