For the future
When I read this...
I asked if he had a pulse and the FD in charge states "well, deer deer,, that thing on his finger says he's got one but I don't feel one,,,,deer deer deer."
My first question was "Did your friend have a pacemaker on board?"
The AED did NOT kick in. Why? Was he a flat line? I suppose we'll never know will we. There's a disconnect that doesn't make sense here. The AED is supposed to be a no brainer, but still, in the absence of a pulse, Compressions are a no-brainer as well; and that takes precedence over all.
An AED is not meant to be a substitute for compressions, nor is it a diagnostic tool for DOA. It is what you do AFTER compressions have begun. No one in that room including you could call off that Code once intervention was begun.
Also, in your narrative, you don't ID when the patient lost consciousness:
I was standing in the hallway looking into the bedroom and saw the old man lying on the bed looking pale and apneic. I kept my distance but stayed to comfort the girl. The girl states she just saw him come out of the shower 5 minutes ago
The time for intervention was that moment you observed he was apneic and no one was doing anything. Did NO ONE in that room know you? Remember, you asked for feedback here, please accept this as my Monday Morning Quarterbacking in hopes that next time YOU will be more clear on the actions you need to take according to your training.
Consider that if you step in and begin Compressions per current standards on a pulseless and apneic patient, you have the right to politely tell the people as you do it something like, "This man is without a pulse. I am a certified paramedic (which you could prove, right?) I'm beginning resuscitative efforts according to my training. From this point on, critical care has begun. Unless you're qualified to declare the patient dead, stopping me can result in grave consequences for you."
The FD or PD would have to physically remove you from the patient. Now, they would be the ones looking bad.
Functionally, if you begin, you'd likely be able to get relief. The name of this game was to keep something going until ALS (a higher, identifiable authority) arrived.
I stayed in the hallway and watched as FD attached an AED and a pulse ox. 5 minutes went by with no interventions.
That's five minutes you chose not to act. I'm not trying to shame you here. I can totally understand the confusion at the scene and the dilemma you were facing, including not wanting to come off as Ricky Rescue. Still, that was five minutes you let go by without doing anything, which amounted to you almost guaranteeing that you COULDN'T step in after the fact.
And this reads like five minutes went by without the AED telling anyone anything and everyone incompetently not taking action in deference to a machine. Again, there is a disconnect here; you BEGIN compressions, period.
So, I stepped into the room and politely introduced myself. I asked if he had a pulse and the FD in charge states "well, deer deer,, that thing on his finger says he's got one but I don't feel one,,,,deer deer deer."
...and that's where you go and feel for one. If there is none, "No pulse, I'm beginning compressions!"
If you politely introduce yourself as a provider of the next higher level of care, then those present know what their responsibilities are. If you introduce yourself with ID, then you have credibilility. If none on you, then let your actions speak for you and BEGIN.
In this case, it was your hesitation that prevented you from stepping in. Every moment that passed where you did not intervene made it that much more difficult for you to take control of the scene.
And yes, that's what needed to happen. No one took control of the scene.
Another fireman was fumbling constantly with an OPA. There were still no interventions taking place. They repeatedly hit the analyze button that said 'no shock advised.' By this time it has been about 10 minutes since they arrived.
(Your reporting could have been much better.) When they got there was secondary to when the patient lost consciousness and became pulseless. No one asked? No one knew? How did the FD get called in the first place?
All in all, you stepped in to a very bad situation. Your hesitation was completely understandable to me -- I have experienced much the same. So here was a situation where all the forces of the universe conspired to allow this 85 year old man to pass into the next dimension. You were all players in the inevitable.
