Long Time, but I have a question! Women & Partners wives + community

barbarella5000

Forum Ride Along
5
0
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What a shame

The only advise is to remember this is your workplace. Be professional and do your job. Don't try to be *one of the guys*. (Someone's wife will find you in the parking lot after work for that one)

If you are in a relationship, then bring your man around and let him be seen.

And for God's sake, please don't be one of those sassy women and make a mountain out of a mole hill! Roll with the punches. If you're not doing anything flirty, or screwing around, then you have nothing to worry about. If you *just can help that you fall in love with your partner*. God help you.
 

Medic744

Forum Captain
271
5
0
For the people who suggest that we gain weight, purposely look ugly, dumb it down, or stop being who we are, I really hope those arent serious suggestions. We have 3 women at our station (all paramedics) and the surrounding areas have a few more but I refuse to change my appearance or personality because a few others have screwed that up. I dont cheat on my mate or help anyone else cheat on theirs. I am "just one of the guys" because thats what I was raised around. The majority of my best friends are male. Its not that I dont get along with women, I just understand men better. I am the only female on my dads side and 1 of 4 on my moms and my nearest cousin is 12 yrs younger than I am. I do not and will not feel responsible for any insecurity that my partners mate has about themselves. They are the one with the insecurity, not me. I am at work to work, not get with someone.

My old job had a problem with partners sleeping together on duty so it was made policy that any couple dating would no longer work together. My current job has no such policy but my fiance and I refuse to work together, on the basis that its hard to follow direction when you are used to sharing responsibilities.

I also refuse to look all ragged out at work just because it makes somebody else feel better. I dont put on a ton of makeup, put on the best underwear I own, or wear a uniform to highlight my attributes. I wear what fits and put on enough makeup so I actually look like an adult. Im 30 but in the summer without makeup I barely past for 18. I believe, as do both my jobs, that the best presentation of yourself is a good presentation for the company. We are the first thing a person sees and associates with the service.

Being one of the guys makes the day go faster. My guys know that Im not going to run and tattle every time they make a stupid crude joke and arent affraid to be themselves in front of me. They know I dont like the jokes and wont participate in the man talk but Im not offended by alot either. Ufortunately they are also comfortable enough to fart and burp in front of me too.

The main point is it is okay to be feminine and still be one of the guys. Rumors happen in every profession and avoiding them is best but if you cant just roll with it. Anyone who has had to deal with a nasty rumor at work will agree that some people never grow out of the high school drama. After one rumor about me got back to me, I hunted down the person who started it and confronted them. The rumors stopped, or at least I didnt hear about them anymore. If the rumor starter knows you are willing to put the truth out there than the fun in it is gone for them. All of my friends know if they hear something about me or want to know anything all they have to do is ask. I am very honest and hide nothing, seriously nothing.
 

Hockey

Quackers
1,222
6
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For the people who suggest that we gain weight, purposely look ugly, dumb it down, or stop being who we are, I really hope those arent serious suggestions. We have 3 women at our station (all paramedics) and the surrounding areas have a few more but I refuse to change my appearance or personality because a few others have screwed that up. I dont cheat on my mate or help anyone else cheat on theirs. I am "just one of the guys" because thats what I was raised around. The majority of my best friends are male. Its not that I dont get along with women, I just understand men better. I am the only female on my dads side and 1 of 4 on my moms and my nearest cousin is 12 yrs younger than I am. I do not and will not feel responsible for any insecurity that my partners mate has about themselves. They are the one with the insecurity, not me. I am at work to work, not get with someone.

My old job had a problem with partners sleeping together on duty so it was made policy that any couple dating would no longer work together. My current job has no such policy but my fiance and I refuse to work together, on the basis that its hard to follow direction when you are used to sharing responsibilities.

I also refuse to look all ragged out at work just because it makes somebody else feel better. I dont put on a ton of makeup, put on the best underwear I own, or wear a uniform to highlight my attributes. I wear what fits and put on enough makeup so I actually look like an adult. Im 30 but in the summer without makeup I barely past for 18. I believe, as do both my jobs, that the best presentation of yourself is a good presentation for the company. We are the first thing a person sees and associates with the service.

Being one of the guys makes the day go faster. My guys know that Im not going to run and tattle every time they make a stupid crude joke and arent affraid to be themselves in front of me. They know I dont like the jokes and wont participate in the man talk but Im not offended by alot either. Ufortunately they are also comfortable enough to fart and burp in front of me too.

The main point is it is okay to be feminine and still be one of the guys. Rumors happen in every profession and avoiding them is best but if you cant just roll with it. Anyone who has had to deal with a nasty rumor at work will agree that some people never grow out of the high school drama. After one rumor about me got back to me, I hunted down the person who started it and confronted them. The rumors stopped, or at least I didnt hear about them anymore. If the rumor starter knows you are willing to put the truth out there than the fun in it is gone for them. All of my friends know if they hear something about me or want to know anything all they have to do is ask. I am very honest and hide nothing, seriously nothing.

I hope you weren't serious about believing about the gain weight comment...:unsure::unsure:
 

Medic744

Forum Captain
271
5
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I hope you weren't serious about believing about the gain weight comment...:unsure::unsure:
I dont but there might be someone who is. Trust me I cant gain weight to save my life. The only 2 times I weighed more than 110 was when I worked across the street from a Sonic and when I was pregnant. :p^_^:rolleyes:
 

mycrofft

Still crazy but elsewhere
11,322
44
48
Get a "beard".

Pick someone to be your "steady" and they might lighten up.

Usually there is one queenbee acting as the sparkplug for such activity. Going to have to play it by ear.

Make sure your boss knows that you know that legally and civily (hint hint) this cannot affect your employment. If it does anyway, you don't want to be there anyway.
 

firetender

Community Leader Emeritus
2,552
11
38
I wish I could believe that, but I've had a couple calls where I wound up totally running the show now, and I've actually gotten more crap since. Everything's a competition, and everybody wants to outperform everyone. When they don't, they make themselves feel better by piling on whoever showed them up. Even worse when it's a little girl. They're just that macho...
If that's true then you deserve better. Go find better. You're only as powerless as you allow yourself to be.
 
OP
CountryEMT-bGurl

CountryEMT-bGurl

Forum Lieutenant
176
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Jon-
The comment about the AUDIENCE, was just a joke due to the people with there "Pop-Corn" smiley faces! I was laughing with them!

Medic744-
DITTO to everything that you have said. I was told by my employer to walk on egg shells so no one will ever get that impression of me!!!!!!!!
I told him that was completely unfair that I should have to change who I am (I have done that to many times in life; it has gotten me no where and I was miserable the whole time)

Our crew is really split probably 60-30%. 30% women the rest men. There are 2 other young women who I work with as well. The other are older women. And the rest our middle aged men, couple of men who are 24-30yrs old.

I think really this is something that will be never ending. I am over the rumors, I know people talk. I just dont want it to reflect on future employment somewhere, or I do not want to reflect how my crew acts around me. I want everyone to act themselves around me. Not I better not talk to her without people thinking were shagging up!!!
 

mct601

RN/NRP
422
18
18
Sucks for you girl. I hope it works out. Only females I personally know that are in EMS are a crew I worked with as a student. Female basic and female medic. No worries there haha.
 

meastt

Forum Probie
14
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0
Glad Im a Guy

ahhh funny stuff Mike.

CountryGirl,

I am 29 and spent the last 10 years in the Army and in a Prison (not as an inmate :) )....I have been in male dominated fields my whole life, and being a man myself, no worries for me.....BUT...I have seen that pretty girls are swarmed to like bees on honey as soon as they are hired. There isn't much you can do about the actions of others.....but you CAN do something on your own.....just be professional, and from your post, it sounds as if you are. Over time, men will learn your boundaries, and those boundaries are TOTALLY up to you...

If you come in being flirty, trying to be cute all the time, relying on others to pick up your slack....well then you will be an easier target for unwanted approaches and rumors.

And above all, if you get hired and then hook up with someone OR even worse with a coworker who is already in a relationship then you will have ruined your chances of being taken seriously from the gate.....

Yes its a double standard....

As far as wives talking....well, most are threatened by you....your young, attractive and working closely with their man.....maybe there has been infidelity issues in their past with their husbands/boyfriends......they cant control it and that drives their insecurities through the roof.....just do the right thing and become known for your work ethic, your EMS abilities and just being a good medic overall.....in the end..... YOU WIN

Good Luck!
 
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OP
CountryEMT-bGurl

CountryEMT-bGurl

Forum Lieutenant
176
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ahhh funny stuff Mike.

CountryGirl,

I am 29 and spent the last 10 years in the Army and in a Prison (not as an inmate :) )....I have been in male dominated fields my whole life, and being a man myself, no worries for me.....BUT...I have seen that pretty girls are swarmed to like bees on honey as soon as they are hired. There isn't much you can do about the actions of others.....but you CAN do something on your own.....just be professional, and from your post, it sounds as if you are. Over time, men will learn your boundaries, and those boundaries are TOTALLY up to you...

If you come in being flirty, trying to be cute all the time, relying on others to pick up your slack....well then you will be an easier target for unwanted approaches and rumors.

And above all, if you get hired and then hook up with someone OR even worse with a coworker who is already in a relationship then you will have ruined your chances of being taken seriously from the gate.....

Yes its a double standard....

As far as wives talking....well, most are threatened by you....your young, attractive and working closely with their man.....maybe there has been infidelity issues in their past with their husbands/boyfriends......they cant control it and that drives their insecurities through the roof.....just do the right thing and become known for your work ethic, your EMS abilities and just being a good medic overall.....in the end..... YOU WIN

Good Luck!
Thanks,

I think thats just what I am going to do.

Thanks Everyone for your replies. Definitely has given me some insight on what to do in the future (from this point on, really)

Medic744-
Sorry, I havent had time to PM you back. But I am so happy you messaged me, again it's nice to have someone know what you r going through!
 

mycrofft

Still crazy but elsewhere
11,322
44
48
CLassmates in nursing college would call my wife

to tell her I was going out on her. Which I wasn't. Go figure. Some people just need the soap opera.
 
OP
CountryEMT-bGurl

CountryEMT-bGurl

Forum Lieutenant
176
0
0
LONG; Sorry

Seems like there are new challenges every week in EMS. Or at least for me, since I am still getting the feel for how this business runs!

THIS IS HORRIBLE FOR ME TO SAY but,

I am learning my new phrase in life.... "I didnt see nothing, I didnt hear nothing, I dont know nothing"


I have seen a lot of things go on that I didnt think was right,
So i opened my mouth about it, and now I am in the middle of a mess that I cant find my way out!!!

But I believe nice people finish last, and the good person always gets screwed.


Drama, Drama, Drama.........................

I guess I am going to have to learn how the shady people work, cause they seem to get far in life........

Anywho venting again!

Long story short,

I was on one of my paramedic clinicals, (which is the neighboring district to where I work) Well they did nothing but bad mouth my district to me right in front of my face (which whatever, everyone has there opinions, but what was said; someone could have taken a great deal of offense to it) and also some things were said on a call to a pt. husband that I thought was very inappropriate. And they were doing a lot of bad mouthing a very good medic friend of my, WHO is the training officer for this district. He is an AWESOME medic, and wants things done right and by the book. If you dont do that, he will tell ya.

So I called him AS A FRIEND to let him know that he could not trust anyone who he works with, cause they where all talking smack on him..
Well he had me write something out with quotations to him so he could make a record of what these medics where doing or saying while they were suppose to be teaching a student (me).

Needless to say, they got suspended. I felt horrible, but I thought I did the right thing (AS A FRIEND). What he did after I told him the information is on him.

Well one of the medics that was suspended is family of the board.
So now this is turned around on me, now there saying I made this stuff up cause I have something for this medic friend of mine. Which what I put in quotations I would have never known unless it came out of there mouth! But anywho.
So the two medics returned to work, and they get paid for there leave as well.
And now they are out to hunt me down for opening my mouth. (which I was just trying to help a friend out, I was trying to be a good friend)
My medic friend lost his training officer position.
And the even worse part is, I work side by side with these medics on bad calls, since they are our neighboring ambulance...........

AGAIN MY NEW PHRASE 4 LIFE.......

I didnt hear nothing, I didnt see nothing, and I dont know nothing!!
 

Veneficus

Forum Chief
7,301
8
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You need to find a bigger pond to hang out in, that one seems quite toxic.
 
OP
CountryEMT-bGurl

CountryEMT-bGurl

Forum Lieutenant
176
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0
LMAO....

Doesnt sound like a bad idea if it was possible for me..

I'm tired of all these "catfishes" that do nothing but suck the scum off the bottom!!!


:sad:...............................
 

Sasha

Forum Chief
7,667
11
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Catfish bangs!
 

JPINFV

Gadfly
12,681
196
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LOL! You got that one right. Bigger and deeper pond! Nothing like swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool! ;B)

Working at a place that puts TNT to shame (because no one knows drama like TNT) only works if you work at someplace large enough where everyone get's their fair share and no one takes it too seriously. Small places don't do TNT well...
 

Seaglass

Lesser Ambulance Ape
973
0
0
If that's true then you deserve better. Go find better. You're only as powerless as you allow yourself to be.
No worries--I'll be gone soon. In the meantime, I'm just doing my best to ignore it. I'm reassured by the fact that people from other local agencies keep telling me they're surprised that someone like me came from an agency like mine. Of course, it really hasn't helped my case that they enjoy pointedly saying that in front of certain senior partners of mine, especially when said partners are acting unprofessionally on a call.
 

thatJeffguy

Forum Lieutenant
246
1
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Seems like there are new challenges every week in EMS. Or at least for me, since I am still getting the feel for how this business runs!
Yup. You have to have a thick skin.

Be polite and professional, find the rumor-starter and call her out.

I was on one of my paramedic clinicals, (which is the neighboring district to where I work) Well they did nothing but bad mouth my district to me right in front of my face (which whatever, everyone has there opinions, but what was said; someone could have taken a great deal of offense to it)
Welcome to EMS!

Lots of :censored::censored::censored::censored:-starters in the EMS/FF Field. My instructor is quite the arrogant ***, he'd admit it himself, but he's also a freaking stellar paramedic. How do people usually talk about him? "Oh well he's kind of an :censored::censored::censored::censored::censored::censored::censored:. But DAMN is he a good medic!"

While I'm not advocating arrogance, or any other character "flaws", perhaps it's best to just be the best damn EMT-b/medic student you can be and let your skills speak for themselves. When you command the respect of your co-workers, they'll be less likely to talk about you behind your back and, even if they do, people won't believe them or care.

Be professional, be polite, be competent. Be the person that ALWAYS has the squared away ambulance. Be the first person washing the ambulance after a call.

Try to avoid situations where allegations can come into play. If some wife specifically has an issue with you and brings it up a few times, talk to her one on one, maybe even with her husband present, and let them know what' going on and how you feel. Maybe even be a little bit of a :censored::censored::censored::censored::censored: about it if you must.

And they were doing a lot of bad mouthing a very good medic friend of my, WHO is the training officer for this district. He is an AWESOME medic, and wants things done right and by the book. If you dont do that, he will tell ya.
Then let him do that. I volunteer at one company but do training and such with two others. They ALL talk trash about each other professionally, mostly in a joking manner, and lots of them talk trash about other medics or FF's or EMT-b's. I NEVER agree, NEVER engage in the behavior and NEVER tell the talked-about individual what was said. Why? Because I'm not there to facilitate interpersonal relationships, I'm there to be the best life-saver or pain-reducer that I can be.

So I called him AS A FRIEND to let him know that he could not trust anyone who he works with, cause they where all talking smack on him..
BAD IDEA

Well he had me write something out with quotations to him so he could make a record of what these medics where doing or saying while they were suppose to be teaching a student (me).
BAD IDEA.

Did they TEACH you something?

I was told when I was very young that everyone can be a teacher. The junkie on the street? FANTASTIC TEACHER! They taught me that I don't want to be some worthless heroin monkey and they taught me that lesson better than ten thousand DARE programs could have ever hoped! Those medics that do nothing but trash talk, in front of patients even, are TEACHING you how to be unprofessional, they're TEACHING you poor patient care and they're TEACHING you what to not be. FOLLOW THEIR TEACHINGS! When you see them doing something you'd disagree with, note it, ask them casually about it after the call (mixed in with your other questions about the call so it doesn't sound accusatory) and remember to ask the competent medic what he feels about THE SITUATION HYPOTHETICALLY, don't ask him via a complaint or a "Tell me I'm right when I saw these medics screwing up" mentality.

If you feel that PATIENT CARE was applied against state protocols, medical orders or local standards of care, you should tell your Medic Instructor as soon as possible. If you feel that the PERSONAL ANTICS of the medics were unprofessional or unbecoming an instructor... pay less attention to them.

I'm not saying that you should feel scared to speak out, I'm not saying that it's appropriate for the medic instructors, or any professional, to trash talk someone else.

Your actions;
1) Won't stop the behavior
2) Will isolate YOU for "special treatment"

Is that fair? Nope.

So, since we know that will happen, try hard to focus on the skills they're teaching. If they're giving a perfect demonstration of how to be an unprofessional dirtbag half-*** medic, then you've got a perfect role model to not emulate!

Well one of the medics that was suspended is family of the board.
So now this is turned around on me, now there saying I made this stuff up cause I have something for this medic friend of mine. Which what I put in quotations I would have never known unless it came out of there mouth! But anywho

And that's exactly how it goes!

If you're going to stir the pot on something, make it something WORTH WHILE, such as patient care.

If you wanted to tell your medic friend, then you should have said simply "I felt that they were making some inappropriate comments about other medics in the area, but their patient care was appropriate and I did learn something.". Or, of course, that their patient care was NOT Appropriate which would be an actual issue.

So the two medics returned to work, and they get paid for there leave as well.
Well then they probably aren't too upset :p


And now they are out to hunt me down for opening my mouth. (which I was just trying to help a friend out, I was trying to be a good friend)
Why is your medic training officer a "good friend"? I deeply respect my EMT-b instructors and I plan on tearing it up with them once I'm no longer a student, but until then, those guys are my teachers and I'm the student and I wouldn't call them in a tizzy explaining that some other medic was trash talking them. That's not a teacher/student relationship. Teachers are told if other teachers are teaching the wrong thing.

My medic friend lost his training officer position.
Ouch. So, no one got in trouble, the bad guys got some free time off work and your buddy ended up getting screwed? Sounds like a lot of people did the wrong thing here. I'm not saying you did, but I'm saying that knowing things are like that it's best to fly under the radar.

No matter WHAT you do, they won't be giving you honorary Captain of State EMS title next week, you'll never be in charge of every single medic and their EMTs and their actions. You won't solve all the problems that exist in every EMS unit, so try to focus on being a "under the radar" student that doesn't get people fired for running their mouths.

Maybe you said this somewhere, but did you actually speak DIRECTLY to the medics about your issue, or just call the medic they were insulting?
 
OP
CountryEMT-bGurl

CountryEMT-bGurl

Forum Lieutenant
176
0
0
Thank you

thatJeffguy

Thank you very much. I think that was the best advice I could have heard.

Me and my "Medic Friend" were friends before he was a Instructor; we have been friends for a while.

And yes I agree with 100% of what your saying. It sucks, but I'm learning that this is how this works.....

And one of the medic's did do something very unproffessional to a pt. husband on a call. Which I also reported.

BUT, If I knew my medic friend was going to take it this far, I may not have said anything!
But then again, I dont know, cause I didnt choose that path!

But again, thanks for taking your time out to explain that to me.

Is that the person I want to be, no! I want to be a good friend and stand up for what I think is right! But again, whats that going to solve? Now if it is something like you said; as of dealing with a pt. and scope of practice, etc.... Yes I will say something. But then again, do I? Hmmm.....

:unsure:
 

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