Long Time, but I have a question! Women & Partners wives + community

CountryEMT-bGurl

Forum Lieutenant
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Ok,
So I know it has been a long time since I have posted! Been extremely busy. I am now hired on part time with two ambulance services (working 60hrs a week @ on service BUT paid part time! hmmm) Plus medic school, clinicals, blah blah blah blah blah...I now!


Ok, so QUESTIONS....

I have found out about how hard it is to be a decent looking female in the EMS field. And I'm not talking about the comments, and jokes, and all the other stuff that happens at base. I can handle that, I was raised around men my whole life, and I dont take things to seriously, but I do have boundaries which have been respected. (Example-touching, etc)

My concern is that I am not from the town that I work for. I drive an hour to work everyday, and I know NO ONE. Well its been about 4 months since I have been employed at my first job and I have already been pulled into the office because of wifes concerned about there husbands and me. Or rumors around the community that I am sleeping with EVERYONE, plus the Fire Dept.
I do not hang on these men, and I am very professional in public with my partners. No crazy talk, or comments, or jokes. And I know people talk, they have my whole life, thats not my problem. The problem is my reputation that I already have by being a pretty girl in this field. Other companies already have heard word of this, AND not saying they believe these rumors, but they go on to tell me thats why they dont hire young pretty girls; because of all the troubles we bring along. Innocent or not. It follows us.
Now administrators havent told me this, but employees have told me, that thats the reason why I wasnt hired because I am a young pretty girl, and they didnt want the trouble. I really think that is unfair. I am NOT a BADGE BUFFER, and I'm not out to put every paramedic under my belt. I have respect for my partners, and just enjoy the loyalty and friendship that I make with them. There like big brothers to me. They protect me, and I would do the same. I've had pts. who have been touchy with me, and THANK Goodness my medic stepped in and put a STOP right to that. Just makes me feel good that I have someone who cares. I dont need to sleep with thses people in order to become close with them. NOW I know theses people are out there, and they have ruined this field for women. And I'm not saying this doesnt happen to ALL women in EMS, cause I am sure it does.
BUT I AM JUST VENTING. SO PLEASE NO DEBATES. I would just like to know how you deal with situations like these, and how do you prove to the public that just because your a women, your not out to BAG THEM AND TAG THEM??????????????
 

LucidResq

Forum Deputy Chief
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Move to a bigger city.

I have never really faced any problems like this. Maybe I'm not attractive enough? :rolleyes:

EMS is a small world no matter where you go, but I feel pretty confident that as long as my conduct stays as straight as an arrow as it has been, these kinds of rumors are not a realistic possibility in my area. Rumors crop up in any system, ignore the ones about you, confront people who spread rumors about others and do not spread any rumors you hear.

If you approach EMS with the attitude that it will be difficult for you as a young female, you may find reasons to justify that belief. I know some services and areas may indeed be sexist, however this is not something I have ever encountered and I'm pretty sure these systems stand in the minority rather than the majority.

Whatever you do, don't take the approach to this problem as I've seen other women do and make a conscious effort to act like a tough, effeminate you-know-what. It only backfires in the end.

Also keep in mind that when you are young and attractive, men are going to be attracted to you. Hence the term attractive. No matter what field you go in to, whether it's EMS, environmental science, education or plumbing, some of these men are not going to realize the boundaries of an appropriate working relationship. If it's one coworker, take it to your supervisor. If it's a systemic issue, then you can either try to battle it out legally or just move on.
 

Sasha

Forum Chief
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I have never really faced any problems like this. Maybe I'm not attractive enough?
Ditto, and I've got a naturally flirty personality.

However, you can't act like the princess who needs saving. If a patient gets touchy with you, YOU put a stop to it. If you feel like one of the men have crossed the line YOU put a stop to it.

There will always be problems, it's like high school half th time. Don't be a witch, but don't be overly friendly either.
 
OP
CountryEMT-bGurl

CountryEMT-bGurl

Forum Lieutenant
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Sasha- You still crack me up. Your the one who has "Princess" under your Name! Not Me!

I guess u missed the part where I said I was "raised around men my whole life"

I can handle my own trust me!!!!!

I dont just sit back and say "MAYDAY< MAYDAY, I'm in trouble; HELP........"

And thanks for the replies, to whom replied.

I as well said; this can go to all women in EMS.
 
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Sasha

Forum Chief
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Sasha- You still crack me up. Your the one who has "Princess" under your Name! Not Me!

I guess u missed the part where I said I was "raised around men my whole life"

I can handle my own trust me!!!!!

And thanks for the replies, to whom replied.

I as well said; this can go to all women in EMS.
From your quote it sounded like you were reluctant to put a stop to it yourself, since you were so thankful your medic stepped in.

I've had pts. who have been touchy with me, and THANK Goodness my medic stepped in and put a STOP right to that.
 
OP
CountryEMT-bGurl

CountryEMT-bGurl

Forum Lieutenant
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It so hard to judge someones intent through the Internet.
It sounds that way, I'm just saying that I can have a relationship (loyalty, companionship, caring relationship) with my partner without taking him to the bed!

BUt again, sorry!

But there have been times where I am thankful that my medic was there, as someone of these backwoods men we haul could take down an OX, specially when they are high on PCP.
 
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TraprMike

Forum Lieutenant
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reaper

Working Bum
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Tell the wives to think what they want. You know the truth.

Then tell them, if they that worried about their men, maybe they should be home making them happy! Instead of complaining to the chief!

Sorry, men have the same problems. I have been accused by husbands, of sleeping with female partners. I just laugh and walk away!
 

wyoskibum

Forum Captain
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What a crock....

Ok, I have already been pulled into the office because of wifes concerned about there husbands and me. Or rumors around the community that I am sleeping with EVERYONE, plus the Fire Dept.
Unbelievable! This really pisses me off!

Were the husbands called into the office as well? I doubt it. Why is it your responsibility to keep these guys faithful to their wives??? If these ladies don't trust their husbands to be faithful, they shouldn't be in that relationship anyway!

All you can do is emphasize that first; you are happily married and not looking to "hook-up" with the Bubba's at work and second; your there to be the best EMT you can be and finally; all of the rumor mongers need to find something better to do with their time and they can F#¢k Off!
 

Medic744

Forum Captain
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It happens alot more than you think. All you can do is your job to the best of your abilities. I have pretty much the same situation here (other than being called to the office) but I hold my own with the guys and the patients. There are a few wives who distrusted me at first but since meeting them and hanging out with them outside of work with other coworkers they understand that these guys are brothers not my next date. Most of the guys will go out of their way to help me, even the ones from the FD but they all know that I am more than capable. I think IFT companies are worse about this kind of childish behavior. I dated one guy I worked with (we were never partners, just at the same station) and we kept it under wraps at work and yet every time my crew got an easy day or better equipment the relationship was thrown in my face and it was assumed I was sleeping my way into a better shift. I quit not too long after our Asst Director quit and one of the owners (a woman) pulled me aside to tell me that the only reason that guy hired me was because of the way I looked. This guy was scum, he was sleeping with a different girl at every station, and decided that he wanted me too, so I was hired. I was even told during orientation that I should wear a wedding ring so I wouldnt get hit on. It is hard to be a decent looking woman in this field, they are few and far between (at least around here). My advice is again just do your job, be nice, and roll with the punches. I have never even asked my guys to carry my equipment or load the stretcher. I do delegate as the lead medic but I dont do or ask for any more or less than my male counterparts. You kinda just have to let the negative crap roll off your back and as long as you know the truth and your job isnt in jeopardy then who cares what somebody else thinks.
 
OP
CountryEMT-bGurl

CountryEMT-bGurl

Forum Lieutenant
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Thanks for the replies, and the AUDIENCE!!!! :rolleyes:

I'm glad someone can relate to what I am going through. This is a very small town. Population of 1,400. And really a backwoods place where chickens and the goats are brother and sister. So women in general who have mouth full of teeth are hard to find!! No Joke! But I'm just going to have to keep on keeping on like I have been. I was just wondering others approach to this situation as I knew I wasnt the only one dealing with this.

Crystal
 
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RCashRN

Forum Crew Member
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wow, OP, do you work in the town i work in?

*checks location*

nope. sure sounds like it though.



i'm not an EMT/paramedic (yet... hopefully soon...), but this seems to be common fodder in the small community EMS services i'm exposed to. and sadly, it's party because it's happened around those agencies in the past. one of the running gags at the service that mainly supplies my hospital: EMS = Extra-Marital Sex. pitiful. it seems to have gotten a little better lately. i think. but they're about to go through another hiring stage, so i'm sure it will kick up again. seems to be a sad part of the business around here. i think you pretty much just gotta chin-up and either hit it head on or ignore it. i've seen both approaches work equally as well.
 

Jon

Administrator
Community Leader
7,989
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...and the AUDIENCE!!!! :rolleyes:
Crystal - You are posting in an online forum... you have all the audience you could ever want.

As for your question. I've seen rumors around before... some of them have enough grains of truth to them that I'd believe them.

I have a question for you - how many OTHER women work at this service? Are they in a similar age range? Do they act or dress different from you?
 

Seaglass

Lesser Ambulance Ape
973
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It happens alot more than you think. All you can do is your job to the best of your abilities. I have pretty much the same situation here (other than being called to the office) but I hold my own with the guys and the patients.
Exactly. I get it too, and I'm not even pretty. I'm just one of very few young women at my station.
 

Aidey

Forum Deputy Chiefette
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...I was even told during orientation that I should wear a wedding ring so I wouldnt get hit on.
I've worked jobs like that before....thankfully not my current one.

The rumor that my last partner and I were sleeping together went around several times. It was irritating, but the supervisor knew it was BS so it wasn't an issue. I think it's pretty common for most male-female crews to have people speculate about them.

Now, to actually get pulled into the office and accused is a whole different story. Does you company have a written policy on relations between staff and how it is supposed to be address? (Even though you aren't involved with anyone, this policy should also cover that).
 

firetender

Community Leader Emeritus
2,552
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Little Minds

The way it usually works, CountryEMT-BGirl, is you'll get that call that only you could handle, pull a patient out of the jaws of death (or maybe even your partner!), and all of a sudden everyone will stop the BS because it's obvious you're all about the work!

None of it has anything to do with you. In part, you're just getting tested a little harder because the uglier we are (inside and out), the more we want to see beauty suffer. At some point who YOU are will take precedence over how you look, and people will start relating to what is real rather than what they're projecting on you.

You're on the right track, and it's not about enduring, either. It's about keeping your eye on the ball and waiting the suckers out!

Welcome back!
 

Seaglass

Lesser Ambulance Ape
973
0
0
The way it usually works, CountryEMT-BGirl, is you'll get that call that only you could handle, pull a patient out of the jaws of death (or maybe even your partner!), and all of a sudden everyone will stop the BS because it's obvious you're all about the work!
I wish I could believe that, but I've had a couple calls where I wound up totally running the show now, and I've actually gotten more crap since. Everything's a competition, and everybody wants to outperform everyone. When they don't, they make themselves feel better by piling on whoever showed them up. Even worse when it's a little girl. They're just that macho...
 

Hockey

Quackers
1,222
5
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Go on a eating binge, gain 75lbs and no more worries.


Or if you're being flirty, stop. If they are bothering you kick em.
 
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