Left EMS for my mental health, anyone else?

[Tenementfnstr]

I've worked as an EMT on a 24 hour truck for the last year and half. From what I've been told it has been a very eventful year and a half in terms of the bad calls. I worked at a pretty remote station, but lack of coverage required us to the be pretty busy the whole shift. 23 to 28 hours straight on the worst days. I've seen alot of extremely heartbreaking things - young families wiped out in mvas, successful and unsuccessful suicides, children with traumatic spine injuries that left them quadriplegic. At the year point, I asked alot of the EMTs that started with me what kind of dicey calls they got and I was suprised to see that most of them hadnt even worked so much as a code yet. I had worked over a dozen at that point. A few months ago I started getting really depressed and I started to drink alot. I lost all sense of meaning and I couldnt put my best effort in at work. After some soul searching I started to feel a little bit better and things were ok until last month. A good friend who was like a brother to me hung himself. I showed up just in time to see the coroners work to straighten his limbs to tuck him uncerimoniously into a body bag. It was such a shock, and there was nothing I could do to help. I called into work and asked for a few days to get myself together, and they gave me an extra 2 days on my weekend. A day later, we were getting into the thick of the the greiving process, waiting for his family to come get the body to take back home. I then got news that my little cousin had taken his own life as well, the very next day. In the blink of an eye my entire world turned upside down, my whole family floored by grief. I was a mess and I knew I couldn't work in that state. I called my supervisor to tell him the news, but this time he clearly thought I was lying. He said he couldn;t give me any more time off cause the schedule was already thin and the company only grants a maximum of one week bereavement and only for immediate family. I lost a cousin and a dear friend to suicide within a day of eachother but apparently there wasn't a box to check for that on the request form so I was told I needed to be in for work the next day. I told him I was a mess and I couldn't do it, not to mention I had to drive over 3000 miles for funerals over the coming weeks. It was clear to me that nobody really cared and they thought I was being a drama queen, or lying. I was infuriated by their insensitivity, I was an emotional wreck, and I had funerals to go to, so I resigned. I;ve always been appauled just how cavalier and unempathetic helathcare workers are, but this i was incredulous at this treatment. Ive heard alot of talk about the Code Green campaign but its all just talk. When worse came to worse, my fellow coworkers and supervisors left me behind. EMS is such a big dog and pony show. Everyone is competeing to see who can be the most indifferent, the most unaffected, the most cavailer. I don't regret leaving because of this, its always bothered me. Also, I know I am still a mess and cant function under stress anymore. I dont regret leaving but the way my fellow healthcare providers treated me made the worst time of my life even worse. Theyre making me feel like im just being a ***** and need to suck it up but im just trying to do the right thing. I cant look at that stuff anymore. Anyone have a similiar experience or wisdom I might use to make sense of all of this? I feel so disillusioned.

 

[reaper]

You have been through a tough time and maybe it is best to step away. I wouldn't say They don't care. They still have a job to do. Most employers only give time for imediate family. Unfortunately, cousins are not considered immediate family.

Do what you need to do for yourself first. Sounds like you were having it tough before the deaths occurred. You may need to find a balance for you or this field may not be one for you personally.
Take the time for the funerals and see how you feel once your emotions are back to normal. I would not make decisions while you are upset and grieving.

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[GMCmedic]

Ill second reaper. Thays a terrible time you've had and I dont think anyone can blame you for wanting off.

Your employer still has a business to run and a service to provide. That bereavement policy sounds generous compared to others I have seen.

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[Tenementfnstr]

I guess Code Green means dollars will always get in the way of compassion.

 

[CLCustom1911]

Sounds like there are some staffing or dispatch issues at your company as well if you are going 20+ hours nonstop. But I'm not there and don't know if all the rigs at your company are run ragged.

It sounds like you've been run through the ringer. Like what was said, don't make any rash decisions right at this moment. Your emotions are at 1000% above normal with everything going on. We all, at some point, get burned out to some extent. I've been there. It happens.

I come from a combat medic background and I've been a cop for 8 years now in Southern California. It's busy. We in EMS and police see people in their worst because normally when someone calls for help, the situation is already spun beyond what they can handle. It sucks. It really does. It's never fun to see vehicles and bodies mangled, people intoxicated, sick, dying, get bodily fluids on you, etc etc.

What I did was I really had to come to terms with 2 things. 1. Most of life's events and decisions other people make are completely out of your control. 2. In our profession of dealing with people in bad circumstances: for me, I can't take anything personally. Responding to a victim of multiple gunshot wounds sucks, but I don't know them. When I did, like in the military, I had to divorce emotions from the situation at hand. I had to go through the assessment, treatment, and stabilization.

Emotions are beautiful when they are warm and fuzzy. They're horrible when they ain't.

I've gone through counseling before when I was felling the funk. I've gone to both standard counselors specializing in police and EMS personnel. I've also gone to my Pastor. It worked for me, but I know everyone has their relationship or non-relationship with religion.

You have grown thick skin already and have a great deal of knowledge and coping skills already, but everyone has that pot hole they step in and twist their ankle. It hurts and takes a while to heal, but it heals.

What I did worked for me and you are not alone in your tough spot.

I don't know you, but I really believe We chose our profession because we are good people and want to help those in need.... a selfless, noble, and unfortunately, often a thankless line of work. You're going to make it through this funk, you are going to continue to help more people and change their lives for the better.


Cameron


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[reaper]

I guess Code Green means dollars will always get in the way of compassion.

Has nothing to do with it. Compassion is there, but they still have a service to run and have to deal with their end too. They granted you two extra days off, to help you out. Yes, they could have explained it a little better to you. But honestly, how can we be sure they did not? Your emotions are up and you may have taken what was said the wrong way.

Like I said before, deal with yourself first. You may or may not have a job at the end. But, that is a choice you have to make for yourself.

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[VFlutter]

I. I;ve always been appauled just how cavalier and unempathetic helathcare workers are, .

Unfortunately, for better or worse, those whom survive in these job fields tend to have that type of mentality where as people who are very emotionally attached burn out quickly. We all have different ways of coping and handling things. It is a shame that their indifference makes you feel that way however that may be the only way they are able to get up and go to work everyday.

 

[DrParasite]

Since I have left EMS full time, my mental health has increased dramatically. Better hours, better pay, sleeping better, less drinking, and more time to spend with family.

that all being said, I can see where your employer is coming from. The job needs to get done, and while they might empathize with your situation, they have a responsibility to the public, to make sure the ambulance is properly staffed. One of the downsides to only staffing with the fewest units possible (which is standard for most EMS agencies, they will only deploy what the contract calls for), is you don't have the flexibility to shut a unit down and still maintain appropriate levels of coverage. But I digress.... Your situation totally sucks, I do feel back that you got hit with two bad things, but they are also dead, and they aren't coming back. You are still alive, and as much as the grieving process sucks (and yes, it does suck, and can last over a year), you can't dwell on it, and need to move on with you life too. a week isn't nearly enough time, but you can't spend every day at home drinking your problems away.

24s are awesome if you work for a slow station. If you are running calls for 23-28 hours of a 24 hour shift, than either your company's management need to switch everyone to 12s, or they need more trucks. it sound unsafe, because you are driving for many hours without any sleep. You also need to have downtime when you are off, so 24/72 are the best for the employee, but many places do 24/48 or WOWOWOOOO, which only allows you to get one day to recover from a busy shift, and then back to work you go. But again, I am digressing....

At the end of the day, I give you this advice: if you want to do EMS, get back on the truck. If you are good, find a place that will offer you better conditions than your last job. If you don't, no biggie, but you need to figure out what you want to do in life. EMS is physically difficult, and mentally draining. Many people end up with back issues, knee issues, and shoulder issues, and after so many years, your body just can't handle it anymore. Your brain can only handle so much, and with people working long shifts and OT, it wears on you. Been there done that.

Find a slower agency. plan out your 5, 10, and 20 year career goals and work on accomplishing them. I'm guessing your 5 year plan will involve something other than EMS, but you might be happier at a slower agency. Or you might decide to do something else with your life.

Lastly, your boss might not care about your mental health (in fact too many won't), but the code green campaign doesn't come from your boss. it gives you resources for when things get tough. you failing to take advantage of the resources that have been made available to you is a failure on you, not on the system. As the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

Check the site out, especially the resources. maybe making a phone call would be the first step you should take?

http://codegreencampaign.org/

http://www.badgeoflife.com/myths/

 

[hometownmedic5]

I don't feel that you were slighted or treated badly based on what you have posted here. You were given a generous bereavement leave given that the person it was given for was not a relation. Typically, you get three days for an immediate family member, which can be flexible depending on your management. You got a week for a friend. I think they did right by you. The fact that another person close to you died in short order can't be helped. They are in business and simply can't extend every courtesy to every employee, bending over backwards at their own expense and peril.

If you need a mental health break, fine. I get it. I burned out several years and couldn't do one more shift. I went to sea for awhile, mainly deck work but I was also the medic, cleared my head, got my mind right and came back. There's no shame in needing a break. Academicians get a paid sabbatical every so many years for exactly that reason. What you can't do is expect the world to bend over backwards to accommodate your needs.You are but one person in a veritable ocean of humanity.

So yeah, if you need to go away for a bit, work some stuff out, decide whether you're right for this business, then you should do that; but beyond that, i don't see how anybody owes you anything here.

 

[mgr22]

When you resigned, you did what you felt you had to do. I certainly wouldn't second-guess you for that.

What do you see as next steps?

 

[Tenementfnstr]

I'm really not complaining about the staffing issues, I've been there and I understand that it is a business. Its not the procedure that gets me, its the culture. My old company activley participates in the Code green campaign, we went to seminars, meetings and training about it all the time. There were posters and memos all over our workspaces. They say that when a provider says theyre hurting, listen. But when you're bawling over the phone to your supervisor about how you are emotionally broken you are and all he can say is "yeah...umm just put in an email", it hurts. And you tell your coworkers what your feeling and they distance themselves like youre a cancer. And your family doesnt understand cause they only care that you quit your job. I read alot about emts going through the same thing and they always say its the fellow emts that were always there for them. I guess I was expecting a call, a word of comfort, something other than that. Instead I got treated like a leper. Nobody cares what you're going through until you inconvenience them by killing yourself, and then they want to help. Its ****ed up.