Last hours of internship and terrified

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Noob1127

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I'm sitting here watching tv with my preceptor with a few hours before he cuts me loose and just had a horrifying realization... I STILL SUCK!

Seriously, I've been a massive white cloud. I have exactly enough contacts and good bit of those are total BS... I am JUST starting to feel a bit more comfortable but still get a massive pit in my stomach anytime something sounds even slightly good over the radio. I have had about 5 "okay" calls, only one of which was the patient hard core crashing (this one just FYI, I bombed.) I got exactly ONE code. Oh but wait, this patient was stiffer than a board on arrival so no fun was had...

I feel like I'm starting to handle the BS calls like a champ but am now about get thrown from the nest like a one winged retarded chick.

Hold on a second *slow deep breaths* excuse me, the carpal pedal spasms were messing with my ability to type.

My question: how comfortable did you feel leaving your internship? Maybe this is the 2 days of no sleep on this shift talking, but I'm a touch freaked out!
 
Noob1127 said:
I'm sitting here watching tv with my preceptor with a few hours before he cuts me loose and just had a horrifying realization... I STILL SUCK!

Seriously, I've been a massive white cloud. I have exactly enough contacts and good bit of those are total BS... I am JUST starting to feel a bit more comfortable but still get a massive pit in my stomach anytime something sounds even slightly good over the radio. I have had about 5 "okay" calls, only one of which was the patient hard core crashing (this one just FYI, I bombed.) I got exactly ONE code. Oh but wait, this patient was stiffer than a board on arrival so no fun was had...

I feel like I'm starting to handle the BS calls like a champ but am now about get thrown from the nest like a one winged retarded chick.

Hold on a second *slow deep breaths* excuse me, the carpal pedal spasms were messing with my ability to type.

My question: how comfortable did you feel leaving your internship? Maybe this is the 2 days of no sleep on this shift talking, but I'm a touch freaked out!
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I'd be surprised if there was a ONE of us medics that felt completely ready to handle anything that happened when they were at the point you are in training.
 
Akulahawk said:
I'd be surprised if there was a ONE of us medics that felt completely ready to handle anything that happened when they were at the point you are in training.
Click to expand...

Quoted for truth.

Relax, that feeling is completely normal. It'll probably be at least a year before you start feeling really comfortable. I've been a medic for four years, and after every year I've looked back and realized how much I've grown each year. It's a process. Getting your patch doesn't instantly make you super medic. You're not at the finish, bud. You're at the beginning.
 
PoeticInjustice said:
Quoted for truth.

Relax, that feeling is completely normal. It'll probably be at least a year before you start feeling really comfortable. I've been a medic for four years, and after every year I've looked back and realized how much I've grown each year. It's a process. Getting your patch doesn't instantly make you super medic. You're not at the finish, bud. You're at the beginning.
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One of the biggest things we were told near the end of training was that the gold Paramedic Patch we got and the license we earned was truly a license to learn. While we were well educated and well-trained, we were also very much "safe beginners" who were able to safely and competently do the job... but we were also expected to continue learning and improving as time went on.

Even though I've been out of the field for a few years, I can honestly say that I'm a far better Paramedic today than I was when I graduated. Some of my skills may be rusty, but my knowledge base and thinking skills are WAY better now.
 
Thanks for the replies. That's good to hear. I am just realizing how much I have to learn even though I'm at the end of my "pre-patch training." It's a bit overwhelming. :-)
 
Wow, so much good in this thread already. I wish more providers felt this way about their responsibility to continue to improve.
 
it was around year 5 before i felt that i could comfortably handle pretty much anything.

i think i spent all of my first year terrified.

i think some measure of terror is inherent to any medical provider bearing the responsibility of another's life.

i still buy all my medical books in hardcover form, so that i can stack them on a shelf and literally see how much there is for me not to know.
 
I finished my internship on Monday. I take part one of my final in 6 hour. Part two in a 7 days.

I completely understand how you are feeling. Every time I think of being out on my own I feel a little nauseous lol

Everything will be ok. It will take time for everything to fall into place. And like others have said; The day you feel like you have nothing left to learn, is the day you should leave EMS and never look back.
 
You almost exactly described my paramedic clinical experience. My paramedic class covered the bare minimums and our clinicals were with a slow rural service. Our instructor was more concerned about meeting clinical hours than patient contacts. Needless to say, I was nowhere near ready.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), I make my living in a career other than EMS, so I had some options. My best option was that I found a service with exceptionally high call volume that had a volunteer program. In other words, I got to ride third and function as a paramedic with a safety net. In time, I got to where I was riding as a second crew member there. That, along with actively seeking out continuing education opportunities, allowed me to get comfortable with being a paramedic.

Whereabouts are you located anyways? And if you have questions/etc., feel free to message me.
 
Noob1127 said:
I'm sitting here watching tv with my preceptor with a few hours before he cuts me loose and just had a horrifying realization... I STILL SUCK!

Seriously, I've been a massive white cloud. I have exactly enough contacts and good bit of those are total BS... I am JUST starting to feel a bit more comfortable but still get a massive pit in my stomach anytime something sounds even slightly good over the radio. I have had about 5 "okay" calls, only one of which was the patient hard core crashing (this one just FYI, I bombed.) I got exactly ONE code. Oh but wait, this patient was stiffer than a board on arrival so no fun was had...

I feel like I'm starting to handle the BS calls like a champ but am now about get thrown from the nest like a one winged retarded chick.

Hold on a second *slow deep breaths* excuse me, the carpal pedal spasms were messing with my ability to type.

My question: how comfortable did you feel leaving your internship? Maybe this is the 2 days of no sleep on this shift talking, but I'm a touch freaked out!
Click to expand...

I actually just finished my internship today. I feel exactly how you do.
 
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