Ah, like the guy my station got the other day (and I missed it, fortunately): A ~647 pound male, who hadn't been outside in 18 months. Who was too fat to wipe his own ***. Who doesn't bathe even that often—frankly, I can't imagine how he can bathe at all. Yeah, his legs were coated in feces and urine.
One guy who was on that call said, "It's actually more pleasant to imagine eating a bowl of vomit than remembering that call."
Call for an engine company, have them pull the forestry hose, and give him a washdown before removal
Edit: For style points, get the truck crew in on it, have them go into their salvage compartment, and set up a system to collect the runoff.
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