How do you deal with it?

EMTKID

EMTKID

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Hi, Im new here to EMTLife and just got my start in EMS.....I only been on a few calls, but I've seen lots of crazy stuff already. My question is how do you (anyone) deal with seeing some of the crazy stuff? I know pple that have been doing this for years and they all have ways or hobbies that they use to cope with all the blood shed and tears they see. Anyone feel like sharing what they do to deal with the job?
 
First, welcome to EMTLife!

It's crucial that you find support within EMS and have hobbies that help release stress outside of EMS.

First, I think you'll find support within the EMS community when it comes to de-stressing and sharing emotions. Many use our community for that, and many others use colleagues at work.

Like any career, being consumed by your job will lead to stress and burnout. Find and keep hobbies, and find a balance between work and play. It's far easier said than done, but if you're looking to stay in EMS for the long haul then you'll need to find that balance.

Good luck!
 
well

im relatively new compared to some of the people on here but ive seen plenty of deaths even had a few people die with me while i was taking care of them and not to mention codes galore working in the ICU at my current job.....

Me personally when Ive had a family member die it was really hard on me but I seem to have a "conveyor belt" personality when it comes to work, for me seeing someone die or in pain doesnt really bug me or even effect me after I leave. Granted i can recall every person who has died while i was working with them and what happened and why thats the only residual i get.

Death is just a part of this job and the sooner you can realize that not everyone is going to be saved the better. Because if you let the images and memories follow you out of work for to long it will eat you up.

I have heard seeing kids die or wrecked is a lot more jarring i dont have any personal experience. I had a friend who responded to a 5 year old with a 180 degree twisted head, his family wanted my bud to intubate but at that point there was nothing that could be done he said he didnt sleep for a week after that call.
 
I run the call, write the report, and forget about the call. If I let every thing I have seen bother me, I'd be a lifer at a psychiatric facility.

I'm not cold or heartless. I still give great patient care and I push a hell of a lot of pain medications compared to most medics because I don't subscribe to the mentality to suck up the pain and deal. I'm labeled as being extremely compassionate to my patients as well as a strong advocate by my coworkers. The other day one of my co-workers actually said I was too nice because I choose a small gauge needle for an IM injection instead of an 18.

So that being said, when the call is over, I forget about it. I don't dwell on all the sadness and death. It's their emergency, not mine. They are strangers and they have called me to try to mitigate their emergency. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. Stuff happens, people die, kids die. It is what it is.

So simply, how do I deal? I do the best I can for the patient and their family, and when it's over, it's forgotten. Knowing you did your best is a wonderful therapy.
 
Some people here will tell you that they're heartless and they let things roll off their back and never bother them.

What they're not telling you about is the 1 call out of 100 that, for some reason, strikes a nerve. It will happen.

Last night a coworker of mine listened to a child being sexually assaulted for hours, talked to the intoxicated offender at length as he asked if the child could become pregnant (I assure you this was not a prank call), and despite a huge multi-jurisdictional effort, was unable to locate the suspect or victim. I doubt she was able to go home and completely forget about it. Although this is not exactly what you will deal with, you will deal with the same sickos and witness the horrific things humans inflict on one another.

I have been fortunate to have supportive family and friends. Although I've found my loved ones who work in the field especially helpful to talk to, those who are aren't have been surprisingly understanding and helpful too, and can often offer a perspective those in the field cannot.

I reserve the right to have a glass of wine or two when I get home after a rough day, sit on the back porch, watch the birds at my feeder as the sun sets and remind myself this is still a beautiful world. For all the horrible things you'll see that will shake your faith in the human race, recall the several people and events that reaffirm that most people have good intentions, and lead relatively happy lives.

There's a fine line between taking your work home and processing what you see and deal with at work. There's a reason I come here but don't spend my days reading JEMS or whatnot.
 
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lampnyter said:
No.
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Perhaps you've been fortunate and haven't had that call yet, or you haven't had the life experience. I know for a lot of people, parenthood and other major milestones have a big effect on how they perceive calls. You're very young. How do you already know that no call will ever strike a nerve with you?

You're welcome to come listen to the tapes of a kindergartner being raped by her father, or as an EMT come deal with the aftermath and callously tell me it doesn't bug you in any way, shape, or form; but I'd prefer someone with some sort of feelings of compassion treat my family or anyone really.
 
LucidResq said:
Perhaps you've been fortunate and haven't had that call yet, or you haven't had the life experience. I know for a lot of people, parenthood and other major milestones have a big effect on how they perceive calls. You're very young. How do you already know that no call will ever strike a nerve with you?

You're welcome to come listen to the tapes of a kindergartner being raped by her father, or as an EMT come deal with the aftermath and callously tell me it doesn't bug you in any way, shape, or form; but I'd prefer someone with some sort of feelings of compassion treat my family or anyone really.
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Ive had several family members die and have had many calls regarding child abuse and death. It doesnt phase me what-so-ever. Ive been doing this since i was 16. Ive been like this since i was 8.
 
Lucid is mostly right.

I don't think I'm heartless. I am full of heart and put it into every single patient while I'm with that patient, but a majority of the patients I forget about after the call is over.

There are a few that cling to my memory because the call got to me in some way or another, but for those calls you have to just remember, you did your very best for that patient and that is all that can be expected of you. Take comfort in that, and remember that there is good in the world, and that you yourself are an example of that.
 
LucidResq said:
How do you already know that no call will ever strike a nerve with you?
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Do you know that a call will strike a nerve with him/me/anyone?

In previous threads like this that have popped up on this forum, it seems that some people just can't process that others are able to compartmentalize their work, and home life. No everyone takes things home with them... (Not directed at you, Lucid).

LucidResq said:
but I'd prefer someone with some sort of feelings of compassion treat my family or anyone really.
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Would you really? Or do you just want your family to FEEL like the crew cares. If the same experience and treatment is given to the patient by someone who cares, and one who acts like they care... does it matter?
 
Impossible, no. Unlikely, I think so. I've had lots of mentors, from extremely varied backgrounds (fire, EMS, PD, etc), some of whom have been in the field about as long as I've been alive. Every single one can tell you about a call that didn't rub them quite right.

I think it's interesting that for the most part, those who are playing the "nothing ever affects me" card are those who are younger with less than a few years of experience in the field.

Perhaps you and I have different definitions of "taking work home." I don't mean you're going to come home, kick your dog, cry your eyes out and drink a liter of vodka after taking a SIDS call. But I think it's also silly to say one that actually works in this field for any length of time and isn't a sociopath will never see a patient that provokes an emotional reaction, even a fleeting one.
 
There's no right or wrong

We're all the same model, but each of us is wired just a bit differently. What gets in to me and causes me to retch may just produce a burp in you.

Each of us goes through trauma in our youth, and that's usually where we learn our most comfortable way of dealing with assaults to our senses, sensibilities or even sense of self.

There's a lot of us out there who are Warriors and embrace the role; after all, to do this work often takes everything we have in reserve. In many areas, it takes all you have to just remain whole. Some of those Warriors think it's okay to even give up their lives in the call of duty! Others think those guys are nuts!

And some of us can actually get through this stuff by Philosophy; a personal understanding of the whys and hows of the choices we make, wrapped around a guiding desire.

Still others understand the work as a heart-driven thing; YES, involvement is a true dedication because of love!

And lampnyter, who has had such stuff not affect him since he was eight years old is for sure working off a skill he learned to preserve himself, and that does NOT mean he lacks compassion. He's found a place to put the stuff.

Maybe that's what I'm trying to say; each of us manages to learn where to put the stuff. But my point is everyone can learn from each other here because indeed there ARE different styles of coping and different things to use to work through what amount to assaults.

But don't forget; what works today may not work tomorrow. What is a cool breeze today may knock your socks off next week!

When you work on the edge of life and death, you expose yourself to weirdness. In that we are ALL Brothers and Sisters. It comes in all shapes and sizes and lives within us and without us.

Why come to conclusions about others' coping mechanisms, and presenting your own as the way to go and then stopping there? EMS is not a world of certainty, it is as fluid as any profession gets.

If I have a point it's to encourage everyone here to not STOP the flow of anyone's process of figuring things out for themselves. Help them better understand alternatives that worked for you, and then let it go.
 
Its really important to find a healthy manner to deal with this kind of stuff. A lot of people (as shown in some above posts) manage to tune it out. It may very well work for them, and for others it'll just pile up and do more damage in the end.

I have the good fortune to work and volunteer with people who I am very close with both inside and outside of EMS. My room mate is also my partner on the ambulance, as are my other friends that I live with.

basically I have a very close group of friends with whom I work, and we take care of each other. A lot of the time I'm on a crap call, its with one of these friends. Sometimes its a few drinks afterwards at home where we just talk it over with a few beers, other times its just going out afterwards and doing something else together to take our minds off of it.

Find something that works for you, ignoring it isn't always the best way to cope
 
LucidResq said:
I think it's interesting that for the most part, those who are playing the "nothing ever affects me" card are those who are younger with less than a few years of experience in the field.

Perhaps you and I have different definitions of "taking work home." I don't mean you're going to come home, kick your dog, cry your eyes out and drink a liter of vodka after taking a SIDS call. But I think it's also silly to say one that actually works in this field for any length of time and isn't a sociopath will never see a patient that provokes an emotional reaction, even a fleeting one.
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The amount of time someone has been in the field, doesn't equate to what they've seen.

When I talk about "taking work home" I mean thinking about patients I've had, when I'm off duty. I can't remember their names, faces, reactions, and hardly their injuries. They all blur together. When I'm off the clock, I'm off the clock. When I'm on the clock: I do my job.
 
LucidResq said:
I think it's interesting that for the most part, those who are playing the "nothing ever affects me" card are those who are younger with less than a few years of experience in the field.
Click to expand...

Eighteen years in this job. Nothing bothers me because I don't take calls home. I don't take the thought of patients and families past the time I drop a finished report in the box. I probably can't tell you the name of any patient I ran yesterday. When it's over, it's over.

Trust me, or trust my co-workers. I'm a great paramedic and patient advocate as well as being very compassionate, but I won't think twice about a patient or their situation after the call is closed. That makes it easy to be a happy person nearly all the time.
 
I think some of you are confusing "being effected by" with "being screwed up by". They aren't the same. You can't do this job for 5, 10, 15... 18 years and not have it had an effect on you in some way.


I'm Conservative with my views on abortion / euthanasia etc etc, I had a call that made me change my mind a bit on that.

I also had a call where a few month old was sexually assaulted by their dad... did it make me angry? Yeah. Did it ruin my day or week? No. I went on with life.

I worked a fatality wreck on NYE... we had passed through that intersection just seconds prior and we saw the vehicles involved at the stop light. That got to not only me, but the other 2 crew members on the truck, one new and one doing it for over a decade.


A call doesn't have to make you depressed to have an effect on you. Ask my family if I've changed at all since I got in to EMS, and they'll say yes, without a doubt. That doesn't mean I'm ever depressed, doesn't mean I go around all emo... just... changed.



Now, as for the OP, how do I deal with it? I just do. No secret to it.
 
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There's about six faces that if I close my eyes, I can see as clearly as the day I ran the call. Every one of those patients expired immediately before my arrival or during my care. I remember the names of three of them. Two of them have visited me at night, although they don't any longer. How did I deal with it? At one point I was probably a borderline alcoholic. Nowadays I simply call up my wife and talk to her for a few minutes.

It affects you, whether you realize it or not. It doesn't mean you drink yourself to sleep every night and are a depressed, anti-social mess. Maybe you avoid certain stimuli, maybe it's never leaving the house without telling your family you love them, maybe it's just on certain days your a bit more reserved when you get home. I can't believe that anyone is the same person they are prior to embarking in a career in medicine. Yes everyone will mature, however there's also a certain small measure of sadness/cynicism in most longtime paramedics, nurses, physicians ect I know. Some hide it better than others, but it's there.

If it truly hasn't affected you, I congratulate you. My fear for some people though is it "won't affect them" right into a meltdown.
 
I'm always affected by the sharing such posts promotes.

Good on you, and the others who tried but couldn't.

OP, keep active outside your field, join and support something positive, don't swim in extra work hours. Do what it takes to remember life isn't what you see in a concentrated stream of victims, pikers, martyrs and saints.

There's a time for dispassion, a time for caring, and a time to go dancing or whatever. Learn what to do and when.

PS: my two or three affective calls didn't bother me for a long time and until after the years taught me no one is invulnerable. not even me.
 
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