Can I just vent for a sec?

Meechi16

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Newb here...let me preface this post with a little hx about my ems career so far. I don't have an epic story/reason why I got into ems, i was just at a point in my life with no direction and kind of fell into it. I got my basic back in 2014 and went straight into a 2 yr paramedic program(graduated 12/2016). Zero to hero, no basic work experience. Which is ok...but, I definitely should've worked as a basic for a bit. Why? Because I would've figured out a hell of a lot sooner that this line of work is not for me. Right about 80% thru the medic program, I started losing interest and wanted to quit. A mentor convinced me otherwise but I already had a seed of doubt about the profession in the back of my head. Btw, did I mention that I absolutely hated the clinicals on the truck and didn't do as well as I should've? How I passed?...I have no idea. I had the concepts down, just applying them in real life was definitely hard for me. Still is. Let's fast forward a bit...I've been working with a private ems company for the last 8 months. Mostly transfers but I do get the occasional 911. I can't even begin to describe the amount of anxiety and fear that encompasses me when I'm on a 911 as the lead medic. So far I haven't royally ****ed up. That's good, right? I know everyone says it's normal and it takes a few yrs to get "comfortable" but I truly, madly, deeply(lol) feel like I will never get over this.

Now that I'm out in the field, I'm realizing that I don't wanna be married to the game just to live comfortably financially. I'm at a point in my life where I want to start having kids(I'm 26). I don't want to miss important events, birthdays, holidays, etc, etc...most of all, I don't want the responsibility/liability of someone's life in my hands. That's too much pressure for me. When i first started this journey, i was definitely the adrenaline junkie and excited about the career choice. Now, not so much. I'll take a toe pain any day over an MI/Stoke. My question is, should I get out quickly or give it some more time? I think i already know the answer to my own question. I'm just glad I can vent. It's been long overdue.
 

Mufasa556

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The job is not for everybody. There's nothing wrong with doing some soul searching and hanging up the towel, if you feel that's what's best for you.

In a perfect world, what would you want to do as a career?
 

VentMonkey

Ajaw
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Trumpet? Why not be the next Celia Cruz? JS, go big or go home.

Honestly, it sounds like you’ve already made your mind up. You could also use your license to fund whatever your next career goals may be.

You may as well get something out of all the schoolwork. Most services are desperate enough to work around school schedules, or will allow part-time status so you can figure “you” out. It’s not all anxiety-ridden calls, and limited options.
 

RocketMedic

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Sounds like you need confidence and you're not going to enjoy a lot of jobs or careers until you have that.
 

mgr22

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Meechi16, I think you already know the answer, too -- not that there's anything wrong with venting here. Just go on with the process of changing. You've made a good start by acknowledging the need. Try something else, and be just as patient as you were with EMS. If necessary, rinse and repeat.
 

Meechi16

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Sounds like you need confidence and you're not going to enjoy a lot of jobs or careers until you have that.
You are correct with the confidence point. Never really had much of it til I got into ems. I'm definitely more outgoing and find it relatively easy to talk to people now. Ultimately, I'm not happy. I don't see myself making a career out of ems. It's just not worth it to me anymore :/
 

Meechi16

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Meechi16, I think you already know the answer, too -- not that there's anything wrong with venting here. Just go on with the process of changing. You've made a good start by acknowledging the need. Try something else, and be just as patient as you were with EMS. If necessary, rinse and repeat.
Yea, I think I've known the answer for a little over a yr now. I just thought, with time and experience I could shake this feeling. If anything, it's intensified.

Thank y'all for the feedback. It really is much appreciated!
 

hometownmedic5

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Go find something you can be committed too and do that. I personally don't want a half in half out anxiety case being in charge of my care when I box.

You have to want to excel in this business. Otherwise, mediocre is the best you can hope for.
 

Meechi16

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Go find something you can be committed too and do that. I personally don't want a half in half out anxiety case being in charge of my care when I box.

You have to want to excel in this business. Otherwise, mediocre is the best you can hope for.
Exactly! I hate feeling like I'm just a mediocre medic ridden with anxiety all the time. It's not fair to my patients, and it's not healthy for me.
 

BigBad

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Until you get on a 911 ambulance you will never get your confidence up. You need to work 10,000 hours at something until you become close to being confident in it. Do you enjoy any aspects of the job? All the reasons you have listed are good reasons to quit. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You can still keep up your cert, maybe get a part time job in 911 before you make the big decision to jump ship. Kids and working a 48 hour shift schedule does not work for everyone. You really need to have a passion to not get burned out and that passion will ebb and flow with life. That being said, the average life span of a paramedic is 7 years. What would you do 7 years from now as a burned out medic?
 

DrParasite

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Right about 80% thru the medic program, I started losing interest and wanted to quit. A mentor convinced me otherwise but I already had a seed of doubt about the profession in the back of my head.
Your mentor gave you good advice; had you quit, you would have wasted all that time. Since you completed it, you earned your paramedic cert, and I'm guessing your associates as well, so you have something to show for all your work.
but I truly, madly, deeply(lol) feel like I will never get over this.
nice savage garden reference.
Now that I'm out in the field, I'm realizing that I don't wanna be married to the game just to live comfortably financially. I'm at a point in my life where I want to start having kids(I'm 26). I don't want to miss important events, birthdays, holidays, etc, etc...most of all, I
don't want the responsibility/liability of someone's life in my hands. That's too much pressure for me. When i first started this journey, i was definitely the adrenaline junkie and excited about the career choice. Now, not so much. I'll take a toe pain any day over an MI/Stoke.
well, that knocks out most jobs in healthcare, and public safety, or any type of job that requires shift work on a non-bankers hours schedule. Sounds like paramedic might not be in the cards for you (just based on what you are saying).
My question is, should I get out quickly or give it some more time? I think i already know the answer to my own question. I'm just glad I can vent. It's been long overdue.
So what do YOU want to do? You want to start your own Jazz band (and I think your half joking). Cool, can you sustain a family on that income of a newly formed jazz band (and, if i'm not mistaken, most Jazz musicians are pretty damn poor). Do you have a sugar momma wife who can support you while you explore your options?

I ended my full time career in EMS about 2 years ago, at the ripe old age of 33. I now work FT in an office, where I have better hours, better working conditions, and better pay, and work part time in public safety because I enjoy it, not because I need it to pay my bills. I had my first child 10 months ago. And I will totally agree with you that it is tougher, but far from impossible, to have a family and kids in public safety. So at 26, you aren't too old to start something new.

Take your degree, and your paramedic cert, and frame it on your wall. You did earn them, so you should be proud of them. But there is no shame in wanting to do something different. Lacking confidence is one thing, and that takes time and experience to build up; not having the desire to do the job is another, and no amount of time will help fix that. It's much better to find a job you look forward to going to, because, as Confucius said:
 

hometownmedic5

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Until you get on a 911 ambulance you will never get your confidence up.
For this statement to be true, it would presuppose that IFT patients are never sick. This is quite simply poppycock. Some of the sickest people I’ve ever treated were transfers. Sure, without a doubt the majority of ALS transfers are a BLS with an unneeded monitor, KVO saline, or Abx that they could have just waited until the infusion was done and sent them BLS. I get it, but to say that 911 is the only venue to be a medic(and gain experience) is just nonsense.

To get your confidence, you need to treat patients. Lots of them, of all ages and complaints. New medics start at my company on the transfer trucks, so if you can’t learn how to do your job and be confident in your skills doing transfers, then you’re screwed.
 
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