One of the greatest complements I ever got in my career was, ten years after I was kaput, I was walking down the streets of Santa Barbara when I was accosted by one of the former Explorer Scouts I had trained when he was a seventeen-year old.
There he was with about 8 years under his belt as a paramedic. He said, "I've been looking for you for two years." His fervor was so high, I was sure I owed him a lot of money or had done his girlfriend or something...He was SO serious, I was a little afraid for my life.
"You remember that gross call you told me about?"
Funny thing is, I did. I have one killer call that stands as the grossest of 'em all
Back in Florida (1975 or so) got a call for “Report to (trailer park). PD’s responding to a locked trailer with a funny smell coming from it.” We knew what it was. Happened often in that little ol’ retirement town. Nobody’s seen Mazie, who lives alone, for a couple weeks until her next door neighbor notices this distinct stench from the house. Get the picture?
In this case, though, as we pulled into the driveway, running out of the house and puking over the porch rail were two local Sheriffs. I knew what was up.
Oddly enough, I have no sense of smell from my Brother smacking me on the nose with a tennis racket when I was 5 y.o. I bet my partner 2 bucks I could go into the house and see what was up without puking. He bet.
In the house – whose windows were shut and, presumably, the A/C had stopped at some point – the air was moist and almost visibly thick, granting everything a kind of fuzzy haze to it. My partner started to blanch. He went into an open bedroom door came right out and bolted for the porch (insert puking sounds here!).
Now, I had to earn my two bucks. Considering I was working 24 hrs. a day, five days a week for $600 a month, 2 bucks meant something!
Holding my breath, I walked across the transom to see a TV turned on, porno magazines scattered across the floor, and lying half-on, half-off the bed, a bloated torso. But the air was so damn thick and I was losing my breath and in the haze, almost like something out of a psychedelic trip, I saw that below the guy’s waist (was naked and Willie seemed to be there) his skin was undulating in little ripples and waves. Inching two feet closer I looked, turned and briskly walked out the door, catching a painful breath in the living room and then dizzy, almost collapsing on the porch rail…but not puking, though I’d like to now!
Everything below the guy’s waist was maggots!
I don’t remember just how many Explorers and friends and family members that haven’t talked to me after telling this one, and I knew I deserved a cummupance.
So, when this former Explorer came up to me and said, “I finally got one that’s worse than yours.” And knowing that my stomach was a lot less bulletproof since leaving the field, I braced myself and listened.
He was called to the home of a 45 year old woman living with her Mother who weighed about 400 lbs., hadn’t left her bed in maybe two months. Though her Mom fed her well, she couldn’t quite get her Daughter to the bathroom, let alone out of the bed.
Get the picture?
(Let's do Lunch!)
