RWC130
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Murphy's EMT laws!
Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is bad.
Try not to discuss "your day" at the family dinner table.
You may not install a "car catcher" on the front of the ambulance.
The more equipment you see on a EMT's belt, the newer they are.
Examine all chest clutchers first, bleeders next, then the rest of the whiners.
When dealing with citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was wrong.
All bleeding stops... eventually.
You can't cure stupid.
If it's wet and sticky and not yours -- LEAVE IT ALONE !!!
"Riding shotgun" does not mean you shoot the tires of non-yielding vehicles.
If at all possible, avoid any edible item that fire fighters prepare.
EMS is extended periods of boredom, interrupted by moments of sheer terror.
Every emergency has three phases: PANIC... FEAR... REMORSE.
A good tape job will fix almost anything.
Yuppies involved in accidents complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.
It's not a compliment when Policemen say you're crude, crass & cynical.
The severity of the injury is directly proportional to the weight of the patient.
Turret mounted machine guns usually work better than lights and sirens.
Schedule your days off to avoid working during full phases of the Moon.
There is no such thing as a "textbook case".
You've come to conclude 90% of all drunks are a waste of protoplasm.
Never refer to someone in respiratory distress as a "Smurf".
Automatically multiply by 3 the number of drinks they claim to have had.
Your social skills will be lacking, if all your anecdotes deal with blood.
Assume every female between 6 and 106 is pregnant until proven otherwise.
Get very, very scared when a child is too quiet.
Don't place bets on the glucose level of an unresponsive patient.
You cannot institute a surcharge for unruly or surly patients.
It is not necessary to have a pet name for your cardiac monitor.
As long as stupidity remains epidemic in the US, you have job security.
Don't worry about the gunshot wound as much as dealing with the family.
All emergency calls will wait until you begin to eat, regardless of the time.
Corollary 1:
Fewer accidents would occur if EMS personnel would never eat.
Corollary 2:
Always order food "to go".
Credit:
http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-EMT.htm
Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is bad.
Try not to discuss "your day" at the family dinner table.
You may not install a "car catcher" on the front of the ambulance.
The more equipment you see on a EMT's belt, the newer they are.
Examine all chest clutchers first, bleeders next, then the rest of the whiners.
When dealing with citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was wrong.
All bleeding stops... eventually.
You can't cure stupid.
If it's wet and sticky and not yours -- LEAVE IT ALONE !!!
"Riding shotgun" does not mean you shoot the tires of non-yielding vehicles.
If at all possible, avoid any edible item that fire fighters prepare.
EMS is extended periods of boredom, interrupted by moments of sheer terror.
Every emergency has three phases: PANIC... FEAR... REMORSE.
A good tape job will fix almost anything.
Yuppies involved in accidents complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.
It's not a compliment when Policemen say you're crude, crass & cynical.
The severity of the injury is directly proportional to the weight of the patient.
Turret mounted machine guns usually work better than lights and sirens.
Schedule your days off to avoid working during full phases of the Moon.
There is no such thing as a "textbook case".
You've come to conclude 90% of all drunks are a waste of protoplasm.
Never refer to someone in respiratory distress as a "Smurf".
Automatically multiply by 3 the number of drinks they claim to have had.
Your social skills will be lacking, if all your anecdotes deal with blood.
Assume every female between 6 and 106 is pregnant until proven otherwise.
Get very, very scared when a child is too quiet.
Don't place bets on the glucose level of an unresponsive patient.
You cannot institute a surcharge for unruly or surly patients.
It is not necessary to have a pet name for your cardiac monitor.
As long as stupidity remains epidemic in the US, you have job security.
Don't worry about the gunshot wound as much as dealing with the family.
All emergency calls will wait until you begin to eat, regardless of the time.
Corollary 1:
Fewer accidents would occur if EMS personnel would never eat.
Corollary 2:
Always order food "to go".
Credit:
http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-EMT.htm
