I am back - sorta. Advice/Worries and then some.

[Trauma's Mistress]

So I really didn't know where to put this, so any of the admins of you feel you want to move this thread to another spot, go for it.

So let me start with some hx. In 2002 I was set to become a Paramedic. After getting my new EMT-B cert I was excited. Then my cardiologist said I can't be an EMT any more because of the constant weight lifting. I had heart surgery when I was 9. I also disagree with his assessment and so did my future cardiologist - keep reading.

So I was crushed but life got in the way and I got involved in politics and as I look back on it, it was a great ride and I loved it. My goal was to make a difference with the causes I personally believe in. I am purposely not mentioning them to keep this thread from going into a political rant.

With my cert expired in 2004 I went back into the class and did it all again. It was fun. I don't mind. So then I was having a problem finding a job and well, back into what I was doing ( politics). So now. jump to 2013. I am out of politics and really wanting to get back into this. I have never fell out of love with EMS and my new cardiologists says that I am just fine to do it and that it would never have had a real problem and that the other doc was just playing it safe. Yes in retrospect I should have gotten a second opinion, but this was the cardiologist I had since I was 9, so I just went with it.

So now here I am. What's my problem you might think? Well I have a few to be honest. I have the knowledge in my head. I am currently about to start my CEU's and Core 13 to get my re-cert. I want to start running some volly runs to get back into it but wow am I scared about it. This actually stems from a lot of things if you feel like reading on.


I have the book knowledge on steps and I can recite them, but if there is one thing I don't have is the experience. They say that knowledge is a dangerous thing and I personally agree with it.

I also know myself well enough to know the kind of person I want to be partnered with is someone who will want to teach me, mentor me. I don't want to be made to feel like I am burden to the person as some people have done to me a long time ago.

The other issue I have is something personal and I have been on this site for a while and a lot of you are very professional and very nice, so I hope you stay that way The long story short as I will not go into to much detail is that I need to wear makeup every day on my face or people will give me crazy looks. Actually, the only person I told this to was the instructor wher I went back to school in 2004. Of course she blabbed to people when I asked her not to so all of the instructors would make small jokes that they think I wouldn't get but I did. Then when needing a job, I actually went to work for the company she worked for - little did I know this at the time. Well. On my very first day, The two girls I was working with were nice and then someone came over to them and whispered into their ear and then they both looked at me.
{ side bar - people, if you are going to talk about other people, don't be dumb and do it right in front of us, we can tell, we are not dumb I don't care if people talk about me -- let them,}

SO my issue is what I care about is being made to feel uncomfortable where I work -- which is one of my biggest issues. I am not about to start a battle of the sexes with this threat either -- please note this. But there are some in the business who feel women don't belong to begin with and then to top off my issue,

Is it really too much t ask for for a place to work that is kind and mentor-like as well as fun? It doesn't help that I live in South NJ where every one knows everyone and there is a macho mentality down here with the people who run squads. Way too much politics and that's coming from me! haha.

To the post I read the other day about -- having the book knowledge and knowing the steps and needing to become assertive -- Thank you for posting that! It was very helpful to me as I am feeling the same way.


So to make a long story short. What do you think nice people I should do. Those who are asking why post all of this here? Because for the simple reason that you don't know me ( at least I think you don't) and you will not only be objective but nice too. I also wanted to post it here with people who are in the industry.


That's my rant/post. Tips,friendly advice would be appreciated I don't need the negative comments or smart a$$ ones too. I appreciate the snarky side of Dr House like the rest of them and I am the same way, but I am in a place right now where I could use some support, friends and help

 

[Veneficus]

A lot of words to say some simple things... Definately politically experienced...



First as for the make-up thing...

I am not a lawyer, but if it were me, I would go and get a doctor's note that said the condition is secondary to some deformity or other medical condition so it is covered under the ADA.

I would present this at any interview so that not only should it not be held against you in job selection, you cannot be disciplined for concealing something if it becomes a problem later.

Then, I would not share this information with the rank and file at all. In fact I would never bring it up again with anyone at work. The less people who know, the faster it will quiet down.

I would also be hyperacute of workplace "bullying" by documenting times, names and cases of it. Then if you have to go to management, it is not a "he said/ she said" event. Make sure to keep that you are documenting it quiet as well.

Never trust anyone.

I have had many partners in my career, 2 I would trust my life with, and it is only after a decade or more of knowing them inside and outside of work that they have earned such trust.

In the US especially, if you are different, people will target you. Particularly in fire and EMS.

You are already different, you are politically active as well as probably much more educated than many of the people in EMS. You will hear a lot "it is not a job for smart people."

You will be accused on more than one occasion of being "one of those politicians" and "booksmart with no common sense." Fore warned is fore armed.

You cannot fight this, don't try. Just do your job and work towards being better.

As for mentors.

There is more to a mentor than a formal title. In fact no mentor I ever had a formal title of such. Though I did have 2 "mentors" who did have such formal title at an agency and it could not have been a bigger disaster.

A mentor/ship relation is very complex. It is more than just somebody who shows you the ropes at work. There is usually some level of personal connection and definately a shared philosophy. You can work at an agency and never have a mentor there. Similarly, you could have several simultaneously.

Generally you do not pick mentors, you find each other. Rarely does anyone say "I want you to be my mentor/mentee." It just happens. You might not realize even that you have a mentor until after you move on from that place.

What is worse is it is sort of like a lover. You could have a great mentor or a really bad one. Bad in that while you get a long personally, your relationship with them limits your professional growth instead of advancing it.

It would be great if everytime we arrived at a new job some benevolent and friendly person took us under their wing and helped us along. But it simply doesn't always happen.

Additionally, you are much more likely to find a mentor at a great organization than at a little one. Like attracts like.

 

[Trauma's Mistress]

Well said. Yes, I have been running campaigns for ten years and I am with you on everything you said. I didn't want to deal with that place that the instructor worked at. She was the only person I told and look what happened.

Yes, I am with you on the Drs note - i never thought of that - Thank you! I also never tell anyone. Like I said. people can talk for only so long until they look like the crazy ones ( quiets down) I don't mind being the target, infact I would respect someone more if they came up and said something right to my face The sad part is, is that they don't. I am not here for HS I am here to learn.

You mentioned the documenting stuff quietly, I am with you on that too. I only experienced this at the place where the lady worked at. Then I left because I shouldn't have to deal with it. I didn't go to HR because I was young and diidn't feel like putting up the fight for something that wasn't going to change anyway. Yes, I know if I said nothing, don't expect anything to change at all. but that is how this place was I later learned.

I laughed at the political comment and my lengthy post. Truth be told, I have always written a lot but politics just taught me to choose words more wisely haha

I also am very smart and yes I have heard that before but it has never been directed to me. I have the skills and can back them up and have done so. This was over ten years ago. I think my biggest issue is that I went from feeling confident finally to dealing with BS to now, how many years later, not only starting at step one again, but feeling the same way as a noobie and if not worse because of the BS if that makes any sense.,

Thanks for being nice and the mentor points were really insightful, as was your entire post. I really appreciate it -

 

[mycrofft]

Howdy.

1. Are you afraid of re-experienceing the noobie experience or just "been there, done that, let's get on with it"?

2. When I was in a 24 on/24 off FD environment, we basically knew everything about each other in many ways (and no to much in others we didn't know about at all). Being joshed was sort of an indoctrination since we lived cheek to jowl, but some people would carry it too far. It might be better to "get out in front of it"? If working intimately with others is a problem, maybe you need to really cherry-pick your employer or vollie group? Go DMAT, MERC, etc. and not volunteer FD or whatever.

3. Documentation is like handloading ammo. Once you use it, it needs to be lethal and it needs to be last resort, because it may win your case, but the environment will never be the same. On the other hand, when going i to see a supervisor carrying a dayplanner and opening it while clicking your pen out is like racking a round into a riot gun...means business.

Good luck, think out of the box too.

 

[Trauma's Mistress]

This is why I come to you all. Such nice people

To number one - BOTH!. I feel both. I am scared to be a noob aggain and afraid I will miss something, Then again, I do not , do not want to be complacent and THINK I have a been there done that moment and will screw something up. Limbo?

Yeah the being mentored thing, I will just have to work out.

I totally know what you mean about docs being ammo and being right and accurate ect. The reason I didn't say anything the first time it happened back in 2004, is that I don't want to be known as THAT emt. As much as I feel I have the right to not be ridiculed at work, To be clear 0 I do something wrong - or bone headed. make fun all you want but my personal life shouldn't be one of those factors. In South NJ. Word gets around fast. I know it's a double edge sword for me but I appreciate the comments Maybe I just had a bad experience at that company that the teacher worked at. Maybe not every place will be like that. Trust me, whereever I go, I won't be telling anyone until it's crucial and I can't think of a time when it will be prudent.

I am beginning to think that this is all boiling down to Number 1. I really do appreciate the comments and helping me figure this out and work through this. I promise I am not as an idiot as this might make me look. I used to be, at least the volly squad who I ran with and myself, a very good EMT. Minimized mistakes,. learned from them when I made them and just smart and and accurate and hard working. I think it is what we can all ask for right?

 

[Bullets]

I cut my EMS teeth in the volunteer side of things, in NJ, and i can tell you that the people who will talk and give you issues about your condition are lifers. They arent going anywhere and will be on the volunteer squad forever. Those people are usually intimidated by new things and people, especially educated people.

Once you begin working for and around professionals, the only deficiency that will matter is your ability to do the job. Ive worked with EMTs and Medics who have psoriasis, a clubbed foot, overweight, and facial hair (on a woman). None of that matters if they do the job well. Those that complain, cant handle the weight or stress leave.

 

[Trauma's Mistress]

Bullets. You nailed it. (gigitty lol ) That's all I want, to deal with people that while i am on the job, measure me as to how I do the job - no more no less. You all have made me feel a lot better about this and really are putting me at ease. Now, I just need to get my confidence back and get back to where I was as far as being comfortable on running calls.

Seriously guys. Thanks

 

[Vao]

Bullets. You nailed it. (gigitty lol ) That's all I want, to deal with people that while i am on the job, measure me as to how I do the job - no more no less. You all have made me feel a lot better about this and really are putting me at ease. Now, I just need to get my confidence back and get back to where I was as far as being comfortable on running calls.

Seriously guys. Thanks

Trauma,
Unfortunately, the volunteer side is much like...middle school; a lot of half capable practitioners learning what they can and can't do, low self esteem, general lack of responsibility or accountability.
If you want to be treated as an adult, get a job doing this. Paid EMTs, especially here in NJ, have to fight every day to find, and keep, their jobs. If someone would risk their paycheck by harassing or picking on you, then they most likely wouldn't mind if HR decided they aren't employed there anymore. HRs fear of harassment lawsuit>some schmuck who ran his mouth.

Get some transport exp..You'll most like need some time in before a township will pick you up. Depending on where you are in SNJ, I may have some suggestions. Message me if you wish.

-Vao

 

[Trauma's Mistress]

Vao.

Thanks so much I do have some transport experience but I like nd appreciate your response. I will message you later tonight when I get home.

Thanks

 

[Trauma's Mistress]

Also down here in CC , This -- the volunteer side is much like...middle school; a lot of half capable practitioners learning what they can and can't do, low self esteem, general lack of responsibility or accountability. -- is so very true. Almost everyone down here has this, alpha macho , i can do and cure all attitude and as some suggest that medics are like that -- and to an extent some might be -- these are the emt's down here. You nailed it on the head for this area. Middle school indeed.

The dilemma is down here in CC is paid ems jobs that are full time are very very rare. Volly lifer's are first to get picked, and so on. So as of right now, I will just volunteer and learn as much as I can back again. I am trying to go back into this with as much as a clean slate as possible because it is harder to unlearn something, then to learn something fresh. I am ok with knowing less but gaining more than messing up and thinking - I got this- when I don't . I would rather go in with as much as a clean slate as possible and relearn things, hopefully the right way by the right kind of people.

 

[sweetpete]

Hey Trauma!

First of all, excellent thread! It's nice to see some "humanity" left in this world and I give you BIG props for posting.

Now, I certainly won't begin to say that I understand what you've been through and I give you much credit for coming on here and putting your "fears" on the line for others to read. That takes some guts (and humility), both of which are sadly lacking in today's society.

With that being said.....have you considered (and of course, I don't know your personal circumstances) just coming out in the open about your "make up" situation? I mean, have you thought about just addressing the issue with a few key people in the department and being open about it?

I only ask because maybe, when something is no longer an secret or taboo, folks will forget about it and move on to the next "elephant in the room".

Nonetheless, I have much respect for someone like yourself who comes on here, talks about the problem, and then asks for honest feed back but who also isn't in the mood for smart--- remarks or stupid responses.

Glad we can still find some kind people out there.

Take care,

 

[Trauma's Mistress]

Hey Pete,

Thanks so much for the nice comments. I appreciate it. Also to everyone else. I am sorry if I made my post mostly about my issue than anything else. My concern is still there mind you just one of my issues ya know? I think it boils down to like I said in my previous post about not only worrying about myself -what I know, don't know but also how I am treated. Don't get me wrong. I am a big girl and can hit with the best of them but in my life, I literally have had people not even want to shake my hand call me a freak. Like I asked to be born with this issue? Again it goes to the adding to - not only do I have my own issues to worry about, but I have to worry what others thing. Yes, I know I shouldn't care, and trust me, to a point, I don't but there is also a part that makes me worry because there are people out there who have questioned me on my skills and what I know and don't know just based on what I look like. I am in no way shape or form starting a women vs men debate here - not even a little bit. I am just commenting that the people who have done this are men. SO I ask - how can someone grow, learn and maybe gain the trust and confidence of the people I work with if they won't even give me a a chance. Some will say - just show them what you can do - and trust me .... I intend to but ya can't fix people's ignorance but this then takes me to my other issue that is bigger than my first one.

It's gaining that confidence back, its getting comfortable on calls again. See when I first started, I didn't have this issue, I didn't have to worry about all the aforementioned things. I know we should block it out, but sometimes I can't - hey I AM human. I am very nervous of how this will effect me and getting back to where I want to be skill wise and confidence wise.

I am sorry for the rant, but again, I just want to say , thanks for the nice comments and replies are helpful and really putting me much more at ease. It might sound corny but you guys have put a little bounce in my step and gave me a little bit of breathing room with all of this. I really do appreciate it

Pete I am going to PM you.

 

[mycrofft]

Dive in. Over-thinking will stall you on the highboard.