Horrible time....need to chat :(

mycrofft said:
1. List your assets, including people, and your dawning realization that this isn't working (anymore).
2. Call your humans assets and ask for help. Start with family (be prepared to act your part in that until you can get back out on your own).
3. List what you MUST do. Assume Joe Dirt is not coming back, even if he does whenever he is hungry etc. Act on that basis. Maybe you can get someone to foster the dogs, or if they like him better, leave them with him. This is your lifeboat call.

PS: EAT. Starving will make you crazy.

PPS: never forget the Murphy's Law about living wityh someone crazier than you.

PPPS: Turn on your truth detector, call one of his buddies and ask if there is someone else.
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Oh, I could never part from our dogs. They mean the world to me and are helping me stay at least someone sane. They are my kids. :(
 
Then that is one factor.

Go eat a PBJ, clear a space on the table and get to work.
 
Worst day ever. I was checking our bank account online this afternoon and saw a charge for a hotel in Boston. I called the hotel and my fiance booked a room for the weekend for 2 adults. I have NO idea who he taking with him, although I have a guess. I think he's cheating on me. I confronted him on the phone about it and he flipped out on me and started blaming me for all sorts of things. We have a joint bank account, so I went to the bank, took my money from my pay check out and opened my open separate account. He found out and flipped off the handle and started calling me all kinds of nasty names, told me how much he hates me, degraded me in many different ways, and blamed me for a million different things. I can't stop crying. Just the thought of him with someone else totally breaks me and I was even crying at the bank while getting my own account. I have loved this guy unconditionally for almost 12 years and he has been my best friend and my rock. How could he do this to me???? :( I have never been single and I'm so scared of being all alone. He has turned into someone I don't even know anymore. It's like some sort of monster has taken him over and the old him is gone. He hasn't had his diabetes meds in days. I'm literally shaking right now. :(
 
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I know it seems hard. The people you love the most can hurt you the most. But you can and will get through this.

It may feel like the end of the world but don't worry love, life does go on :)

He's cheating, so get yourself together and figure out how you're gonna keep your house and bills, put in an ad for a roommate. And DUMP HIM!!! Next time he starts to yell at you HANG UP! You don't need it, girl!

Sent from LuLu using Tapatalk
 
I just don't understand how he can throw away almost 12 years of my unconditional love. I have ALWAYS been with him through everything. I have always wanted him to be happy and did everything I could to make him happy. In almost 12 years, I have never once even thought about being with another man. That's how much I love him. Now I have major self esteem issues thinking I'm suddenly not good enough for him or not good looking enough. :( I don't know what I ever did to make my love, my best friend of over a decade hate me so much. He called me so many names...even the C word...and kept telling me he hates me so much. I feel like I have no one now. All of my old friends live far away. :sad:
 
EMT20002 said:
I confronted him on the phone about it and he flipped out on me and started blaming me for all sorts of things. We have a joint bank account, so I went to the bank, took my money from my pay check out and opened my open separate account. He found out and flipped off the handle and started calling me all kinds of nasty names, told me how much he hates me, degraded me in many different ways, and blamed me for a million different things.
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:excl:RED FLAG:excl:

As this is a new development, I repeal my previous statement as there is obviously an issue with his stability. I'd advise reaching out to immediate family for support as it is crucial to your own health and well being.

It seems apperant by his actions that he is very unstable and his agression toward you may (probably is) due to the fact that he's in the wrong.
 
EMT20002 said:
I just don't understand how he can throw away almost 12 years of my unconditional love. I have ALWAYS been with him through everything. I have always wanted him to be happy and did everything I could to make him happy. In almost 12 years, I have never once even thought about being with another man. That's how much I love him. Now I have major self esteem issues thinking I'm suddenly not good enough for him or not good looking enough. :( I don't know what I ever did to make my love, my best friend of over a decade hate me so much. He called me so many names...even the C word...and kept telling me he hates me so much. I feel like I have no one now. All of my old friends live far away. :sad:
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Stop it right now. You're not the problem, you did nothing wrong to make him anything... He is the jerk.

He sounds immature. Women always love too much. Get out and get new friends. Stop falling to pieces. That's what he wants. Get up, get yourself together and he will see what he lost.

Sent from LuLu using Tapatalk
 
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Sasha said:
Stop it right now. You're not the problem, you did nothing wrong to make him anything... He is the jerk. He sounds immature.
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+1 to that
 
Okay, quick question. He is 41 years old. Could he be going through a midlife crisis right now? I'm only 30, so I have no clue what the signs of a midlife crisis are and I'm desperately trying to figure this all out in my head. He has NEVER done anything like this before. I even have an idea of the girl he may be staying at this hotel with. She is only about 24 or 25 and is a coworker of his, and I've seen a few flirtatious text messages between them on his phone last summer, but he assured me nothing was going on. This girl even just got married last winter and he told me that they were going through a divorce. Also, just the other day, I found a picture of this girl on his computer by accident while I was looking for something completely different that I needed to print out.:(
 
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EMT20002 said:
Okay, quick question. He is 41 years old. Could he be going through a midlife crisis? I'm only 30, so I have no clue what the signs of a midlife crisis are and I'm desperately trying to figure this all out in my head. He has NEVER done anything like this before. I even have an idea of the girl he may be staying at this hotel with. She is only about 24 or 25 and is a coworker of his, and I've seen a few flirtatious text messages between them on his phone last summer, but he assured me nothing was going on. :(
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Could be.... I've heard of more absurd things. Mid-life crisis usually are either in splurging extra cash or having an affair if the first option is not available. I know that I've heard of some pretty absurd mid-life crisis' but its all about how you're going to deal with it on your end. On one side, your not married, on the other side, you do have a lot of shared/split investments. So the ball is really in your court on what your future together holds. Maybe this is the time to start considering making a "life changing" decision. going seperate ways, getting married, or whatever decisions need to be made. Regardless, keep communicaion open as that will be the key to figuring out what changes need to happen.
 
DV_EMT said:
Could be.... I've heard of more absurd things. Mid-life crisis usually are either in splurging extra cash or having an affair if the first option is not available. I know that I've heard of some pretty absurd mid-life crisis' but its all about how you're going to deal with it on your end. On one side, your not married, on the other side, you do have a lot of shared/split investments. So the ball is really in your court on what your future together holds. Maybe this is the time to start considering making a "life changing" decision. going seperate ways, getting married, or whatever decisions need to be made. Regardless, keep communicaion open as that will be the key to figuring out what changes need to happen.
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Yes. THIS!
 
DV_EMT said:
Could be.... I've heard of more absurd things. Mid-life crisis usually are either in splurging extra cash or having an affair if the first option is not available. I know that I've heard of some pretty absurd mid-life crisis' but its all about how you're going to deal with it on your end. On one side, your not married, on the other side, you do have a lot of shared/split investments. So the ball is really in your court on what your future together holds. Maybe this is the time to start considering making a "life changing" decision. going seperate ways, getting married, or whatever decisions need to be made. Regardless, keep communicaion open as that will be the key to figuring out what changes need to happen.
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He was REALLY, REALLY mean to me tonight when I confronted him about the hotel reservation for two and when I asked him if there was someone else, AND he he completely flipped out when he found out that I took the rest of my paycheck out of our joint bank account and opened my own that he does not have acces to, so now he doesn't have enough money for his little road trip with this girl. He even texted me while I was at the bank saying he was in the ER with chest pains and an ulcer, and when I got home, I called the ER he claimed he was at and he was NEVER seen there.
 
EMT20002 said:
He was REALLY, REALLY mean to me tonight when I confronted him about the hotel reservation for two and when I asked him if there was someone else, AND he he completely flipped out when he found out that I took the rest of my paycheck out of our joint bank account and opened my own that he does not have acces to, so now he doesn't have enough money for his little road trip with this girl. He even texted me while I was at the bank saying he was in the ER with chest pains and an ulcer, and when I got home, I called the ER he claimed he was at and he was NEVER seen there.
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Sounds like you two have A LOT of talking to do.
 
DV_EMT said:
Sounds like you two have A LOT of talking to do.
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Oh believe me, I've been trying to talk to him calmly and maturely and he's just horrible at communication. The thought of him with another woman is literally killing me, like a spear through my heart and lungs.
 
When I first read your posts, the first thing I thought was 'he's cheating.' The cause may be a mid-life crisis, it may not, but the end result is the same. You feel horrible (to put it mildly), and trust is gone.

What has happened was not your choice, but what you do from here on is. Take your time, think about what you want and need, and take steps to make those things happen. It could be anything from reconciliation, mediation, separation, assasination, termination. But make sure that you think of yourself first, and do what you need. If what you do happens to benefit him, that is by-product, and should not be your motivating factor.

At risk of sounding like I have a uterus, you need to empower yourself, because your power is what he has removed.
 
McGoo said:
At risk of sounding like I have a uterus, you need to empower yourself, because your power is what he has removed.
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We're on the phone together and this just made us giggle like school girls.

She's been getting awesome advice from everyone. We're thankful to get advice from those of you without a uterus. ;)
 
I really need some advice on how to handle this situation. While what he has been doing to me for the past week is 500% wrong, selfish, and cruel, I just can't snap my fingers and turn off the nearly 12 years of love I have had for him. I have never even thought about being with anyone else since I met him. I still love him with all my heart and care about him so, so much, even though I am absolutely livid at him right now for what he is doing, the not coming home for a week, the taking off to Boston and using my paycheck in our joint checking account to pay for the hotel room and taking someone with him, which I'm almost 100% certain is this girl I mentioned before, the ignoring my phone calls and texts, and then completely lashing out at me and calling me horrible names and putting me down when I took my pay check out of our joint checking account and opened my own account, leaving him with next to no money. I'm sorry, but I wasn't about to let him use MY hard earned money to take this girl on a weekend road trip and stay in a hotel room. It hurt me so much to do this knowing that it would leave him with zero money, but I had to protect myself, especially in the state he is in now where he could potentially drain our bank account. He is NOT himself and hasn't been for the past week. It's like something suddenly snapped in him a week ago and I don't know what it was. I'm SO CONFUSED.

The bottom line is that I don't want to lose him. I know that all couples have bumps in the road, and this is a major one for us and the biggest one we have ever had in over a decade. We have always been such a strong couple. I honestly have NO idea what brought this behavior on in him, but I DO know that I didn't do anything to deserve this kind of treatment. I have a very strong feeling that he is probably cheating on me with this girl (who I believe is still married and she does know about me) and it makes me sick that she will be in our brand new truck that we both own 50/50 (both of our names are on the car loan and insurance) and that she is with my man...my best friend and potentially being sexual with him. The thought of that KILLS me.

I am willing to do whatever it takes to fix our relationship. I WANT to get professional help together so, so badly. Now, should I just leave him alone and not text or call him and wait for him to come to me? He got REALLY heated with me today (well, now it's yesterday) and he said some very, very hurtful things to me. I know that he has to come home/contact me at some point. I'm thinking it may be best that I don't try to contact him. He has this weekend off and I have no idea if he's still going to Boston or not. He would have to get money from someone to be able to go. I just checked and he hasn't cancelled his hotel reservation. I'm thinking it would be best for me to not even try to contact him at all until he contacts/comes to me. When he does finally contact me, what should I say? How should I act? I want him to know how furious I am, but that I do still love him and want to work on our issues more than anything. Any advice? I just don't want to lose him. I do still love him so much despite this whole mess. :sad:
 
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McGoo said:
At risk of sounding like I have a uterus, you need to empower yourself, because your power is what he has removed.
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Thank you SO much for this laugh! I SO needed it!!!! :rofl:
 
EMT20002 said:
I really need some advice on how to handle this situation. While what he has been doing to me for the past week is 500% wrong, selfish, and cruel, I just can't snap my fingers and turn off the nearly 12 years of love I have had for him. I have never even thought about being with anyone else since I met him. I still love him with all my heart and care about him so, so much, even though I am absolutely livid at him right now for what he is doing, the not coming home for a week, the taking off to Boston and using my paycheck in our joint checking account to pay for the hotel room and taking someone with him, which I'm almost 100% certain is this girl I mentioned before, the ignoring my phone calls and texts, and then completely lashing out at me and calling me horrible names and putting me down when I took my pay check out of our joint checking account and opened my own account, leaving him with next to no money. I'm sorry, but I wasn't about to let him use MY hard earned money to take this girl on a weekend road trip and stay in a hotel room. It hurt me so much to do this knowing that it would leave him with zero money, but I had to protect myself, especially in the state he is in now where he could potentially drain our bank account. He is NOT himself and hasn't been for the past week. It's like something suddenly snapped in him a week ago and I don't know what it was. I'm SO CONFUSED.

The bottom line is that I don't want to lose him. I know that all couples have bumps in the road, and this is a major one for us and the biggest one we have ever had in over a decade. We have always been such a strong couple. I honestly have NO idea what brought this behavior on in him, but I DO know that I didn't do anything to deserve this kind of treatment. I have a very strong feeling that he is probably cheating on me with this girl (who I believe is still married and she does know about me) and it makes me sick that she will be in our brand new truck that we both own 50/50 (both of our names are on the car loan and insurance) and that she is with my man...my best friend and potentially being sexual with him. The thought of that KILLS me.

I am willing to do whatever it takes to fix our relationship. I WANT to get professional help together so, so badly. Now, should I just leave him alone and not text or call him and wait for him to come to me? He got REALLY heated with me today (well, now it's yesterday) and he said some very, very hurtful things to me. I know that he has to come home/contact me at some point. I'm thinking it may be best that I don't try to contact him. He has this weekend off and I have no idea if he's still going to Boston or not. He would have to get money from someone to be able to go. I just checked and he hasn't cancelled his hotel reservation. I'm thinking it would be best for me to not even try to contact him at all until he contacts/comes to me. When he does finally contact me, what should I say? How should I act? I want him to know how furious I am, but that I do still love him and want to work on our issues more than anything. Any advice? I just don't want to lose him. I do still love him so much despite this whole mess. :sad:
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Sweetie, it doesn't matter if he is having a midlife crisis or not, he had no right.

He lied and cheated on you and now he tried to manipulate you by saying he is in the ER.... WHY do you want this guy?

You can love someone with all your heart that doesn't mean he can stay in your life.

He didn't admit anything or show any remorse, he got caught and lashed out at you. He isn't sorry, maybe he loves you to a point but he isn't in love with you if he could do those things to you.

Sent from LuLu using Tapatalk
 
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