First day of clinical hours - saw a murder and need advice on how to detach from the situation

[ems96]

Hey everyone,
I'm currently an EMT student and yesterday I had my first experience in the field, riding with the paramedics for my clinical hours.
We had three calls for elderly patients, but right towards the end of the shift we got a call for a gun shot wound. When the medics got the call, they told me it was up to me if I wanted to go since they weren't sure if I would be ready for something like that on my first day. Since I wanted to get as much experience as I possibly could, I went right ahead and joined them.
When we got there, we found out from the police that she's most likely dead. We got into the house and walked up the stairs. I was expected to see her in bed for some reason only to look down and see her lifeless body laying on the floor of her bedroom. The medics performed an EKG and to be honest I could not stop looking at her body. She was shot in the head. I stayed for most of the time, but after a while the smell of cigarette smoke and something else I'm not sure what it was, just made me sick and I had to leave.
I didn't think it bothered me, but today I saw everything on the news and found it was her wife that shot and killed her.
Now, I just can't stop picturing every part of her lifeless body in my head and what could have happened to make some do that to somebody.
They showed her picture in the news, and I can't stop thinking how different and lifeless she looked when I saw her on the scene compared to the smiling pictures of her they showed on the news.
I was just hoping some of you could give me some advice on how to detach myself from something like this, especially when it was only the fourth call I've ever been on. I really appreciate anyone who reads this, I know it's long, but I could really use any advice.

 

[SandpitMedic]

You'll either be able to get over it or you won't.

I still remember my first real traumatic injury call and how the face was deformed and disfigured...

This is the job. It is also one of the reasons some people are not cut out for this type of work.

 

[SandpitMedic]

To add, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being disturbed by that. It's completely normal to have those emotions and thoughts after seeing such things.

You will need to figure out a way to cope thatbis healthy.

 

[ems96]

To add, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being disturbed by that. It's completely normal to have those emotions and thoughts after seeing such things.

You will need to figure out a way to cope thatbis healthy.

Thanks for the reply.
I know this is something I'll get over, it's just the initial shock of it all. The body itself didn't bother me, if anything the whole thing made me feel thankful for everything I have. I guess seeing it on the news and seeing her still alive is what bothered me, but I know there's nothing I can do about the situation.

 

[chriscemt]

Don't be afraid to consult a professional. Counselors and therapists are great listeners.

 

[planetmike]

Your school or the agency you were with should have a incident/stress counselor available to you. Use those resources.

 

[StCEMT]

Everyone has things that bothers them and their own ways to deal with it. It may simply be that it's new. I remember my first arrest, but I couldn't tell you much about other arrests/DOA's I have been on since except recent ones or moments of ROSC. It's an individual thing though, some people aren't phased by much and others realize this line of work isn't for them quickly.

If it bothers you, talk to someone about it. Had an instance today of something that bothered my partner. She took a moment, handled it her way, and we went about our day smoothly.

It is a good litmus test for you though. This won't be the last time you do something like that. Make sure you can handle it and have outlets for when this happens. Talk, write, exercise, some combination, whatever.

 

[joshrunkle35]

Normal people react the way you did. That being said, EMS isn't really staffed by normal people.

I guess the real question is whether you would react this way in multiple similar situations, or if you just drew a bad lot and saw the one thing that randomly got to you on one of your first shifts.

My personal advice would be that if it was somehow personal to you, like, it was horrific because the deceased looked like your mom or something, then NBD, sort it out with exercise and liquor like the rest of us. But, if you think you'd have a similar reaction to a similar scenario in the future, I'd avoid 911 and go private EMS or something, or consider a different career field.

You had a normal reaction, but EMS breeds some odd people.


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[NysEms2117]

contact your agency, but just know it gets easier to detach yourself the more calls you run.

 

[Seirende]

I'm sorry that your first shift was so tough.

First, check out the Code Green Campaign. They're the experts on this sort of thing.
http://codegreencampaign.org/
https://www.facebook.com/thecodegreencampaign/

Second, you can't "just get over it." You need to put in the work to process it. DO NOT do this in a vacuum. Find someone to process it with. That could be a therapist or someone that you trust to be able to be supportive and objective about what's going on with you.
https://www.statnews.com/2017/08/02/emergency-medicine-trauma-doctors/

 

[hometownmedic5]

The first thing you need to establish is if this call held some significance for you, beyond your first "bad one". If it did, then it's understandable that you're having an issue moving on. Investigate your critical incident stress resources and go from there.

If, however, this is not a unique set of circumstances and you're going to have this reaction every time you're in the presence of death, then you have a problem and you need to get a handle on it sooner than later. You're at a reasonable stage to decide if this caree is for you or not. Minimal time and money invested so far. figure things out before you even think about medic school, or any form of higher medical profession. The death isnt going to go away. That's part of the job. There's no shame in not being able to cope. This line of work isn't for everybody; but you need to know before your invested in more school.

 

[Dennhop]

Normal people react the way you did. That being said, EMS isn't really staffed by normal people.

I guess the real question is whether you would react this way in multiple similar situations, or if you just drew a bad lot and saw the one thing that randomly got to you on one of your first shifts.

My personal advice would be that if it was somehow personal to you, like, it was horrific because the deceased looked like your mom or something, then NBD, sort it out with exercise and liquor like the rest of us. But, if you think you'd have a similar reaction to a similar scenario in the future, I'd avoid 911 and go private EMS or something, or consider a different career field.

You had a normal reaction, but EMS breeds some odd people.


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Please tell me you're joking.

Did you really give a new EMT (and quite possibly a younger individual) the advise to deal with a stressful situation with alcohol? That's just some great advice there. Regardless of how we may deal with it personally, telling someone to drown their memories in alcohol is (if serious) quite possibly one of the worst pieces of advice you can give someone. Why not just go tellthem to shoot some heroin while you're at it? Even grown mature adults can't always regulate responsibly or safely their alcohol...to tell a new emt/younger EMT to deal with it with alcohol is totally in appropriate and irresponsible.

To the OP. I can't help you figure out how to deal with it; everyone deals with it differently. Some it affects more than others. Me personally, it doesn't bother me. If it bother you that much, definitely bring it up with your instructors, and for some cold hard truth, you may want to sit down and think hard and long about going into the EMS field. While these types of runs may not be super common, they do happen often enough in an urban environment that you're likely to run into it again, or a similar situation...

 

[Seirende]

This thread has really gotten me thinking. OP, I'm going to shoot you a message more specific to your situation, but my other thoughts I'm going to use to start another thread so that I don't drag this one way off-topic.

 

[joshrunkle35]

Please tell me you're joking.

Did you really give a new EMT (and quite possibly a younger individual) the advise to deal with a stressful situation with alcohol? That's just some great advice there. Regardless of how we may deal with it personally, telling someone to drown their memories in alcohol is (if serious) quite possibly one of the worst pieces of advice you can give someone. Why not just go tellthem to shoot some heroin while you're at it? Even grown mature adults can't always regulate responsibly or safely their alcohol...to tell a new emt/younger EMT to deal with it with alcohol is totally in appropriate and irresponsible.

To the OP. I can't help you figure out how to deal with it; everyone deals with it differently. Some it affects more than others. Me personally, it doesn't bother me. If it bother you that much, definitely bring it up with your instructors, and for some cold hard truth, you may want to sit down and think hard and long about going into the EMS field. While these types of runs may not be super common, they do happen often enough in an urban environment that you're likely to run into it again, or a similar situation...

Geez. It's called snark. Chill out.


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[Sandstrom]

I have seen gruesome stuff, only a couple really bothered me though. Having a call bother you doesn't mean give up your ems career. If it continues to bother you, causes you to lose sleep, affects your relationships, then it is time to seek professional help. There is no shame in seeking professional help.