Hi all my fellow EMS personnel. Soo, No where else to turn so I look towards my EMS brothers and sisters. I started in NJ EMS in 1997 and I am still and EMT today. I have been having a hard time lately with my PTSD and the ****ty part is that even knowing the system as I do I have still hit roadblocks.
Its weird, I feel alone and like no one understands what I go through in my head everyday. I might not look like I am having issues but inside my mind I replay call after call even now 25 years later. I cant sleep good and I know that I cant partake in drinking a lot cause I overdo it. I sit at work now, deskjob, and all I can think about is the city streets at night and what im missing. I wish there was help out there for us EMS providers.
So let me explain how this last week has gone for me, because I didn’t think I was going to make it. After having enough I finally reached out for help. You know that thing we don’t do as EMS providers. What happened was just horrible. First, I inquire with the Leader Program in Massachusetts to see if I can get into therapy and I am told that since Im not active with a municipality I cant get into the program. ( I don’t know what world these people are on but a huge majority of EMS is not municple.) So, I try an explain Im still a certified EMT in NY, NJ and MA but no luck. BTW as of this writing I am still waiting on a response to set up an intake appointment.
Now comes to the fun part, I write HR and my supervisor to request an ADA accommodation to attend therapy and work on my PTSD. I explain I have PTSD from EMS and I am immediately placed on leave because my boss believes that I am a danger to myself and others because I have PTSD. So, he gets my email and calls me, Im like im just looking to go to therapy and I am worried about loosing my job. NO REASSURANCE from my boss and he is even like were no sure you can stay in your position. LIKE WTF…. BTW I work for a large private utility in the US and UK. I get off the phone and just break out crying and just thinking in my head “I finally reached out for help and this is what happened. I should have just keep my mouth shut.”
So now im 48 hours into this adventure no therapist yet, not sure about having a job and I feel like ****. This is not suppose to happen to us, after all those years giving 110% in the back of a bus and I cant get therapy with med management. We wonder why our co-workers turn to substance abuse.
I called HR and explained what happened and I am back at work but now under increased scrutiny from my job all from being in Emergency Services and helping people.
ANYWAY….. I am just feeling very alone and wish I could find therapy that will take me and that is someone that can understand street EMS and what we go through. I miss it so much but I also know I cant do the job like I was 20 again.
Stay safe everyone………We need better mental health for EMS…….I wish I could have a support group or at least therapy without judgement.
Its weird, I feel alone and like no one understands what I go through in my head everyday. I might not look like I am having issues but inside my mind I replay call after call even now 25 years later. I cant sleep good and I know that I cant partake in drinking a lot cause I overdo it. I sit at work now, deskjob, and all I can think about is the city streets at night and what im missing. I wish there was help out there for us EMS providers.
So let me explain how this last week has gone for me, because I didn’t think I was going to make it. After having enough I finally reached out for help. You know that thing we don’t do as EMS providers. What happened was just horrible. First, I inquire with the Leader Program in Massachusetts to see if I can get into therapy and I am told that since Im not active with a municipality I cant get into the program. ( I don’t know what world these people are on but a huge majority of EMS is not municple.) So, I try an explain Im still a certified EMT in NY, NJ and MA but no luck. BTW as of this writing I am still waiting on a response to set up an intake appointment.
Now comes to the fun part, I write HR and my supervisor to request an ADA accommodation to attend therapy and work on my PTSD. I explain I have PTSD from EMS and I am immediately placed on leave because my boss believes that I am a danger to myself and others because I have PTSD. So, he gets my email and calls me, Im like im just looking to go to therapy and I am worried about loosing my job. NO REASSURANCE from my boss and he is even like were no sure you can stay in your position. LIKE WTF…. BTW I work for a large private utility in the US and UK. I get off the phone and just break out crying and just thinking in my head “I finally reached out for help and this is what happened. I should have just keep my mouth shut.”
So now im 48 hours into this adventure no therapist yet, not sure about having a job and I feel like ****. This is not suppose to happen to us, after all those years giving 110% in the back of a bus and I cant get therapy with med management. We wonder why our co-workers turn to substance abuse.
I called HR and explained what happened and I am back at work but now under increased scrutiny from my job all from being in Emergency Services and helping people.
ANYWAY….. I am just feeling very alone and wish I could find therapy that will take me and that is someone that can understand street EMS and what we go through. I miss it so much but I also know I cant do the job like I was 20 again.
Stay safe everyone………We need better mental health for EMS…….I wish I could have a support group or at least therapy without judgement.