Family or self first?

[SunshineCamo]

My career goal has been nurse for awhile now. I took the EMT-Medic-Nurse route to be able to support my family along the way. My wife has said it's getting harder to have me gone so much (three days of work, two or three days of school a week most semesters). If I was able to get a county job or with a higher paying private service, I'm thinking about putting the RN goal on hold. Which is going to make me change other plans (for example I had planned to commission as an RN in the guard).

But as my kids are getting older, I'm starting to miss them doing things and my wife is having to do more (helping with homework all the time because I'm gone so much). At earliest it would be two years before I finished my RN (finish preqeqs next semester, apply in the summer, start in the fall, one year bridge program. Just not sure which road to take. Anyone faced a similar situation?

 

[VentMonkey]

My career goal has been nurse for awhile now. I took the EMT-Medic-Nurse route to be able to support my family along the way. My wife has said it's getting harder to have me gone so much (three days of work, two or three days of school a week most semesters). If I was able to get a county job or with a higher paying private service, I'm thinking about putting the RN goal on hold. Which is going to make me change other plans (for example I had planned to commission as an RN in the guard).

But as my kids are getting older, I'm starting to miss them doing things and my wife is having to do more (helping with homework all the time because I'm gone so much). At earliest it would be two years before I finished my RN (finish preqeqs next semester, apply in the summer, start in the fall, one year bridge program. Just not sure which road to take. Anyone faced a similar situation?

Are you a medic already? Doesn't FL offer the bridge programs?

I too, am a HUGE family man, best of luck, brother. Things always get worse before they get better.

 

[akflightmedic]

You both need to be on board. You delay this, you delay the rewards, only more tough roads again in the future until you get the goal done. She is just needing some attention right now, she is feeling like she is carrying the load and not seeing the reward soon enough from her perspective. People lose focus, especially when the goal is not their personal one, it is a goal you set for yourself and you asked her to support. Sure she will benefit later, the whole family will...but until then you are going to hit these moments.

My advice is to have the chat and the frequent chats, reaffirm the goals, the commitments and discuss the hardships. I would NOT delay school. I have seen too many people delay it and then they either never go back or they do not pick it up again until 10 years down the road and every single one of them says "I wish I had finished sooner of just finished".

While yes you are missing time with the kids now, trust me, they are not counting the hours you are away. Regardless of their age, all they are focused on is HOW you are spending the time with them, no matter how brief it may be. I said it before, I say it again...Quality beats Quantity every time. And if you finish school thereby increasing your wages and career opportunities, your quality and quantity time with the family will increase exponentially.

I am the guy who spent 7 years of his life in Afghanistan with several years where I was home for less than 60 days. Think on that.
We had a goal, we committed to it. We had rough patches for sure! But now, I have the quantity and quality I want for all of us. That simple!

Two more years is nothing...that is a very sort investment period for a lifetime of ROI (return on investment)...sounds like she does not see the light, you do...so you need to press her Ctrl-Alt-Delete and reset so you are both energized and excited about the combined pursuit.

 

[CALEMT]

While yes you are missing time with the kids now, trust me, they are not counting the hours you are away. Regardless of their age, all they are focused on is HOW you are spending the time with them, no matter how brief it may be.

As a son I can affirm I would rather spend 20 minutes with my dad doing something thats meaningful rather than a whole day of doing nothing.

 

[SunshineCamo]

@akflightmedic You make some good points. I don't want to make it sound like this is all coming from my wife. Her concerns are just adding to mine. I deployed overseas for a year with the Guard and got back in the summer which is definitely coloring my opinion right now (been in awhile so it wasn't my first, but first with kids). But you're right, I'm already constantly kicking myself for not doing this earlier so I can't imagine how I'd feel a few years from now (if I ever managed to get back into it).

And the spending time with kids is way more for me than them haha. I learned that while I was gone that they're living for the moment. I'm the one counting the minutes I could be spending with them. I'm just also dreading when I start the bridge program because I can just imagine how little I'm going to see them.

But overall I think you're right. Taking care of myself is going to help me take care of them.

 

[VentMonkey]

@akflightmedic You make some good points. I don't want to make it sound like this is all coming from my wife. Her concerns are just adding to mine. I deployed overseas for a year with the Guard and got back in the summer which is definitely coloring my opinion right now (been in awhile so it wasn't my first, but first with kids). But you're right, I'm already constantly kicking myself for not doing this earlier so I can't imagine how I'd feel a few years from now (if I ever managed to get back into it).

And the spending time with kids is way more for me than them haha. I learned that while I was gone that they're living for the moment. I'm the one counting the minutes I could be spending with them. I'm just also dreading when I start the bridge program because I can just imagine how little I'm going to see them.

But overall I think you're right. Taking care of myself is going to help me take care of them.

@SunshineCamo, I'm in a similar predicament. After raising our two girls for the past 9 years, they're finally semi-independent and can help us help them, so to speak.

My wife is completing her BSN and should be done by the summer of next year. We're also going to try for a boy sometime soon, and give her enough time so that she can complete her program before our third bundle-o-joy is here.

Once she's done, I am going back for my BS most likely in EMS management (god bless online degrees).

She also just received a long awaited, and extremely over due promotion. This requires some periodic travel, but the pay bump is worth it to all of us.

Will it be easy? Probably not, but my wife and I learned a long time ago the importance of a "team approach" for the sake of our family's happiness.

I work quite a bit as it is now to support us, so that she keeps her flexible job hours and can focus on the kids when needed. We take annual vacations for a week or two, just all of us, and have a blast.

It really is the moments they remember. Our kids seem genuinely happy overall, and I can say this proudly as it's hard work, but not impossible.

I really do wish you, and your family the best of luck. It can be done. The bumps in the road don't last forever, and the rewards at the end of all of it will ALWAYS be well worth the time and investment spent.

-Sincerely,
Another Happy Family Man