Do you share work stories with your girl?

Tone said:
How much detail do you share about calls (if any) with your girlfriend or wife?

Do you think it is beneficial or harmful to tell them what you have seen?

Lets hear some thoughts on this!
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For sure,

When I run on Pediatric drownings, or have a patient Code infront of me due to an MI it can be a traumatic thing to a person. But having someone around that you can tell every aspect of the call to and know that they care and are listening gets all of the feelings off of my chest. I have never really had a call "bother" me, and I think that is because I have a good support system.
 
Who can hear you without puking?

Terrific topic! Thank you.

There are some people that can hear you, there are some that can't. There are some people that can hear you if you say it THIS way, but they'll freak if you say it that WAY. I think it's fair to say, when your mind is blown and you really, REALLY need to talk about it, it ain't always easy to find a willing or able ear!

So, even though I'm trying to be the guy that encourages you all to start talking about this incredibly intense and ridiculous work, I want to be the first to acknowledge that it's often hard going.

Why?

Because we live in an alternate reality. The "normal" rules really don't apply here. The dominant society has REMOVED its citizens from the burden of actually having to be there for each other and have relegated those responsibilities -- thus, those views of the "dark" side -- to a select cadre of so-called professionals.

We in EMS happen to be the FIRST wave who also happen to see the human element at its very least presentable, and that's to be kind! Also, whereas once care of the ill and injured was more evenly spread throughout the community, now, health care professionals are literally living their lives immersed in the ill, dying and dead, and who gets there first?

The problem, spelled b-u-r-n-o-u-t, is that the culture of the medic DISCOURAGES talking about these experiences in any but the most insulated of ways; wrapping the narrative around braggadocio, denial or gallows humor, if not out and out derision.

I think we gotta start talking to each other first. And learning how to be of support. At least in the beginning until we figure out is the Teller needs any help getting anywhere, you know what I mean?

Have you not found yourself, much to your surprise, really hurting in some way from a call or series of calls and had to let it sit and fester, unresolved, because none of your peers would really take you seriously? For me, I recall times when I'd get fear rushes in anticipation of a call like the one that bugged me that I never got to work through.

All I'm saying is I'd like the "culture" to shift just a little so we could make room for us and our peers to work through some of the very stressful territory we're asked to LIVE IN during our on-duty time.

Then, maybe we could work through stuff with each other and be able to distill it into a package that COULD be communicated to our loved ones. Maybe that would help them feel like welcomed, respected parts of our lives.

Just sayin'!

.
 
Depends...

If something is REALLY bothering me, I can share, as my wife is in a different allied health field and worked closely with the ED for years. Mostly though, I leave it alone and decompress things on my own. Less because "she can't handle it" and more becuase she's got enough on her mind without my burdens too. Plus keeping work seperate from home keeps the relationship better.
 
Since I've started running EMS, I've never really had a girlfriend whom could deal with hearing about the job. It's a different mentality then they possessed. Sometimes they will press and I'd tell them, but most times it ended up with them telling me they wanted me to stop doing EMS because they couldn't understand how I could see what we see and still get up in the morning.
 
medicRob said:
Do what I do.. find you an ugly girl that way no one will want to fight you for her.
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Nahh, I like to look at my wife, she is a hottie. I share everything with my wife, she is my best friend. Unfortunately I must reciprocate and listen to all her stories about her kids, she is a teacher. But I cherish the fact I have someone to share my life with. I would have quit the USFS Wildland academy without her advice and ear. When you meet your significant other, you will know what I mean, it makes life so much easier... :)
 
Not always, and usually not in depth. Sometimes I get annoyed when family asks about work (granted its genuine interest, I just dont feel like explaining how my day at work went every day).
 
I have tried a couple times and it usually end up with, "You do this why?".
She's a make-up artist and I've had to respond to her work a couple times. Those are the times we get in fights because I can't share too much information and then I have to sleep on the couch :(
 
Mrs Brown may or may not be an RSI qualified Intensive Care Paramedic but that aside, usually not no.

... but Brown does have to watch out as suxamethonium is tasteless and vecuronium comes as a rather inoquios looking dry powder :D
 
I finally just stopped looking for a girl outside of the emergency medical field. most other girls leave when they really understand what we do, most don't want to deal with the possibility of me not coming home, they ask why I do this but can't understand when I explain it
 
If you get a GPS. You can find your house!
 
I don't think it's a sexist thread. The OP is a guy, looking for some perspective from other guys. Female and gay providers seem to typically run into different issues. Nothing wrong with that. There are a few girls out there that seem to react more like guys to these things, but I'm not one, and I've never dated one, so I can't speak to that. I can only offer a straight girl's perspective, which may not be very helpful.

I do share stories with my significant other, who isn't in health or the fire service, when I have some reason, or just need to talk about it. I try to keep it to the funny and successful stuff, but it doesn't bother him if I need to get something off my chest. He also knows more about a lot of scientific topics than I do, so I often learn something from him.

That being said, he sometimes gets jealous of all the time I spend around hot guys. He also gets some flak from his friends, who expect him to be the macho one in the relationship. So far, he seems to be fine with it, but I could see it causing problems later on.

I really can't talk to my parents and siblings about it at all. They still can't get over the idea that their little baby daughter breaks dead people's ribs...

46Young said:
I'll offer that a female EMT's male significant other can better handle their war stories, than the female partner to a male EMT, generally speaking. We saw faces of death, and like material before I ever got involved in EMS. People watch videos of accidents, go to sites like rotten.com, etc. all the time. Typically males, I'm sure.
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I wouldn't equate having watched a lot of gory videos to being able to better handle the stories. Maybe boyfriends won't be having nightmares about what I describe, but I'm not sure that voyeuristic enthusiasm over every last little drop of blood is any better. A lot of guys are unable to move past that and consider the emotional aspects of a call at all.
 
Seaglass said:
I don't think it's a sexist thread. The OP is a guy, looking for some perspective from other guys. Female and gay providers seem to typically run into different issues. Nothing wrong with that. There are a few girls out there that seem to react more like guys to these things, but I'm not one, and I've never dated one, so I can't speak to that. I can only offer a straight girl's perspective, which may not be very helpful.

I do share stories with my significant other, who isn't in health or the fire service, when I have some reason, or just need to talk about it. I try to keep it to the funny and successful stuff, but it doesn't bother him if I need to get something off my chest. He also knows more about a lot of scientific topics than I do, so I often learn something from him.

That being said, he sometimes gets jealous of all the time I spend around hot guys. He also gets some flak from his friends, who expect him to be the macho one in the relationship. So far, he seems to be fine with it, but I could see it causing problems later on.

I really can't talk to my parents and siblings about it at all. They still can't get over the idea that their little baby daughter breaks dead people's ribs...



I wouldn't equate having watched a lot of gory videos to being able to better handle the stories. Maybe boyfriends won't be having nightmares about what I describe, but I'm not sure that voyeuristic enthusiasm over every last little drop of blood is any better. A lot of guys are unable to move past that and consider the emotional aspects of a call at all.
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sounds like you guys have a successful future....
 
before she dumped me i used to tell the interesting or funny ones, nobody really wants to hear of the drunken teenager getting sick all over your clean shirt
 
When I met my wife she was an ER nurse. She is now an NP working in a specialized setting. We have brought war stories home to the dinner table for three decades and really enjoy talking about our jobs.

Our kids are bullet proof. :)
 
Smoke14 said:
When I met my wife she was an ER nurse. She is now an NP working in a specialized setting. We have brought war stories home to the dinner table for three decades and really enjoy talking about our jobs.

Our kids are bullet proof. :)
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Nice. Your family just got a +1 in my book. :)
 
When I was with my ex-fiance I would share, but she was also an EMT, so it made sense to share, as she did the same with me.

My current... well, not gf but best friend I share with. She asks me to talk about bad calls I have with her, even if it's only over the phone for right now, cause she knows I'm not going to really talk to anyone here. She's a great shoulder to lean on when I need to vent
 
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