Anyone have experience with ending life support?

[Sassafras]

My aunt coded twice while undergoing open heart surgery. Two consults have said she has no brain activity but apparently the family can not stop life support until a third consult. She would not want to be hooked up to LS. The third doctor was supposed to give opinion tonight and family was mentally prepared for tonight. He came and examined and said he won't give opinion until the morning. Is this normal? It just feels like they are giving false hope. The family takes this as a good sign. Keep praying god is working a miracle type stuff. I ache because I feel they are deluding themselves. Is there a reason this guy would make them wait until morning for his decision?

I just want things to be finalized one way or another. This is all yick.

 

[medic417]

I am sorry for your families pain. Other than consulting an attorney looks like you are left to comply with the hospitals policy. I have been involved but thankfully they had a living will with all instructions and they were able to be disconnected.

 

[Sassafras]

She has a living will. It's just that legally support can not be removed until three doctors confirm it. He won't say anything until tomorrow and she has had no brain activity
for three days now. First it was let's warm her and see if she wakes then it was I don't know now two doctors say there are still no brain waves so family wants to carry out her will but this doctor won't say anything. It just seems weird.

Thank you for the sympathy though. I feel sad one minute and content I got to know her other minutes. She had transposition of the great vessicles and back then there was no surgery for it. She was never supposed to live to be an adult so the fact that she did got to meet her neices and nephews and adopt five kids is pretty awesome. Just wish I could have talked to her one last time.

 

[firetender]

Beyond the fear of liability is also the very human desire to not jump right in, especially when it comes to ending a life. No one wants to be #1, or #2, or #3!

Trust that there's no pain where she is right now. When is something you have little, if any control over. In essence, the end has already come; there's nothing to accelerate.

You have known love together. That has already registered with her. That she may not have heard that recently is irrelevant; it's still and always etched in her experience of her life.

 

[Sassafras]

You know fire, I think I'm going to remember that next time I know someone grieving. That was simple yet profound. Thank you. I guess they find out in a few hours what's going to happen. I just hope they've prepared my uncle for the changes her body will go through. I'm assuming they will though.

 

[MTEMTB]

Yes.
They ran 3 different tests on my best friend and had another one planned, but cancelled it.
The crazy part in the whole situation was the final desicion was based on one person reading the x-ray and talking to the Dr.'s.
It was our vet.
He could explain what was going on to her husband better then anyone.
needless to say it freaked the Doc out, but everything concerning how badly damaged her brain was from the strokes was understood.

You have my deepest sympathy for going through this trying time.

 

[Sassafras]

Thank you MTEMTB. The third specialist did finally come very late that day and the family was able to confir. She apparently had a very clear and direct living will and indicated that if any organs were viable they were to be donated. In spite of living decades with poor perfusion there were some harvestable and she was kept on support long enough to find suitable recipients. My aunt now lives on in others, giving them life and sustenance. It saddens me and gives me great peace at the same time. Her funeral is later this week.

I do pretty well most of the time, until I try to make contact with my grandmother. She is so grief stricken to be burying a child (albeit a 55 year old child) she can not talk, and it rips my heart in two.

Again I'm just glad she was here, and was able to do the good she did while on this good green earth. She was a beautiful soul, and even made it into a few medical journals as a result of her heart defect. How's that for posterity?

 

[firetender]

None of us want to admit this, but we're all going to die.

The griever and the grieved for are the same, there's just a relatively slight difference in timing.

Each of us, if we choose to look at it, will come to a different understanding, position, belief or philosophy. The fact of all life is that, at least the way it looks today, it ends in death. Even though we, as a life form get to extend our limits consciously, no one has really gotten out alive and it's highly unlikely anyone reading this will live long enough to see it!

Coming to terms with this would seem to be an important component of being a medic.

Wouldn't it?

NOBODY gets to be here for long, and we're amongst the somebody's who decided to help people get through the journey.

Aren't we?

 

[MTEMTB]

Glad to hear about the organ donation.
My friend was one, but her husband wouldn't let them. It made me so mad because we both had talked to each other about it and agreed to do it.

Just remember to do what I did in this trying time. Put one foot in front of the other. Think of the onderful times you had. Think of of all the good and forget the bad.

Dealing with a parent who has lost their child is the toughest. Just be a shoulder she can cry on.

 

[rescue99]

My aunt coded twice while undergoing open heart surgery. Two consults have said she has no brain activity but apparently the family can not stop life support until a third consult. She would not want to be hooked up to LS. The third doctor was supposed to give opinion tonight and family was mentally prepared for tonight. He came and examined and said he won't give opinion until the morning. Is this normal? It just feels like they are giving false hope. The family takes this as a good sign. Keep praying god is working a miracle type stuff. I ache because I feel they are deluding themselves. Is there a reason this guy would make them wait until morning for his decision?

I just want things to be finalized one way or another. This is all yick.

Your Aunt has already been a medical miracle given her defect. Now she's another as the doner of life to others. Her wishes have been fulfilled which makes her life complete....she experienced a wonderful family, beautiful children, she knew love and she knew how to give unconditionally. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you celebrate the life she had and comfort one another. She will be missed by many. Your Aunt sounds like a wonderful lady.

 

[Sassafras]

Car is packed with toys and kids retrieved from school. On our way to pay our last respects. Let the four hours of non stop potty breaks begin.

 

[tony1]

In the past 5 years I have lost my mother, father, and grandmother (and I had the LS scenario, and I was the POA as well). Nobody ever knows exactly what someone else is going through so I won't insult you and say I know how you feel because I do not, but I may have an idea. My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.

 

[Sassafras]

Thanks Tony. I almost forgot about this thread. She's been buried a week and a half now. I wept bitterly, though alone since a family upheaval a few years ago made things a bit akward. I said goodbye, hugged her husband, found a corner to cry about regrets and ultimately decided I was pretty damn lucky to have known her being she was supposed to die when she was a teen ager. Hubby came to funeral to keep kidlets under control and did a phenominal job. We were told our kids are angels, and perfectly behaved. They were told mommy and daddy were very proud of them. Wish some bridges were repaired with the trip...only time will tell. I think she would have wanted it. But I was hopefully able to lay some foundations towards rebuilding those bridges (which were not burnt by me, but had me caught in a cross fire).

 

[tony1]

I can relate to a bit of it I think. When my grandmother went into a nursing home back in 02, the greedy siblings of mine decided to contest her will which left things to me. She was alive and doing well and the fight began. Shortly after that, my dad was on LS with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis and died. He went to his grave wishing my siblings and I had fixed things that started over money and a condo. We had not, and shortly after that about 8 months later, my grandmother died. By then the battle was hot since my siblings wanted my dad's stuff now too. They harassed my poor mother over petty crap and material goods while she battled cancer. My mom died 2 years ago and the siblings and I found out that she had a new will made after my dad died since I was her only child that was around to help any of them (she basically left me everything). To cut this short, I now am living in my parents' house, with most of their stuff still here. I took over the mortgage and the siblings are fighting me for their share of equity in the house. They were never around to help, and never cared to help anyone which is why I was trusted to be POA for healthcare issues and now none of us see each other and they are just waiting like vultures. You think you know and can trust people until money comes into play. With all I had on my plate, working three jobs at once and taking care of healthcare issues for three people, my dog and cat both had to be put down due to health issues. I am amazed I am not an alcoholic or something by now. If not for focusing on school and work, who knows.

 

[Sassafras]

Ha, I don't like the taste of alcohol, but ice cream is my vice...I think I may be a diabetic by now.