After death

[JJR512]

I was just wondering if any of you have ever been to the funeral, wake, memorial service, or any other kind of after-death event/ceremony/service/whatever for a person that you, in your capacity as an EMS provider, treated. Or even gone to the cemetery or grave site later.

Why or why not?

 

[firetender]

Thanks for that one!

I was pretty lucky, I guess. When I started it was me, two partners, an ambulance, a house and a town of about 15,000. On the coast of Florida it was a sleepy, seaside community, mostly retired, loaded with Nursing Homes. Us three manned the station 24/7 and we were completely integrated into the fabric of the town and its people.

At first, as an EMT, I made the connections. And then, as one of the first Golden Boy Paramedics we became town heroes...but it wasn't because we were Master Protectors, it was because we bled with the people as well.

So, yes, I had the privilege to have my heart ripped apart many times there. In service to the individuals in "my" town, I jeopardized my career by putting my ambulance out of service (more than once) so the family could have an hour or so with their recently deceased relative (and I, for support, with them), before I moved the body to the funeral home.

But the one that got me writing was I remember me and my partners were pallbearers at a funeral for one of our patients, an old cardiac-emphysemic cripple who was IFT personified for years. His wife had no one to help, so we did.

And now, I have to honor the 15 year old boy who, wracked with cardiac cancer for a year, I transported many many a time locally and on LD's to teaching hospitals. On the eve of his death, we maintained a vigil in the ER, waiting for his family at home to call so WE would be the ones to take him to the funeral home.

I'm crying as I write this, as I allowed myself to do at the time.

My prayer is that you, too, will have glorious moments like this.

Love the time you've been given...

Once, during my life, I knew what it was like to be a Country Doctor.

 

[FrostbiteMedic]

I was pretty lucky, I guess. When I started it was me, two partners, an ambulance, a house and a town of about 15,000. On the coast of Florida it was a sleepy, seaside community, mostly retired, loaded with Nursing Homes. Us three manned the station 24/7 and we were completely integrated into the fabric of the town and its people.

At first, as an EMT, I made the connections. And then, as one of the first Golden Boy Paramedics we became town heroes...but it wasn't because we were Master Protectors, it was because we bled with the people as well.

So, yes, I had the privilege to have my heart ripped apart many times there. In service to the individuals in "my" town, I jeopardized my career by putting my ambulance out of service (more than once) so the family could have an hour or so with their recently deceased relative (and I, for support, with them), before I moved the body to the funeral home.

But the one that got me writing was I remember me and my partners were pallbearers at a funeral for one of our patients, an old cardiac-emphysemic cripple who was IFT personified for years. His wife had no one to help, so we did.

And now, I have to honor the 15 year old boy who, wracked with cardiac cancer for a year, I transported many many a time locally and on LD's to teaching hospitals. On the eve of his death, we maintained a vigil in the ER, waiting for his family at home to call so WE would be the ones to take him to the funeral home.

I'm crying as I write this, as I allowed myself to do at the time.

My prayer is that you, too, will have glorious moments like this.

Love the time you've been given...

Once, during my life, I knew what it was like to be a Country Doctor.

Having started out in an IFT service, I spent my first few years in EMS transporting much the same patients. One of them was a gentleman who was from Costa Rica. He had a stroke and we started taking him back and forth to dialysis. This went on for three years until he finally expired. It struck every one of us hard, as we all had grown to know him and his wife. A competing service actually sent some guys to staff our trucks so we could attend the funeral. There was not a dry eye among any of us when he was buried, and his wife still keeps in contact with almost all of us, even the ones who no longer work for that service.

 

[Aidey]

I have, once. It was the mother of one of my co-workers, who was kind of our station mother (she would bake us cookies, or invite the on duty crews over for dinner). I had her as a patient when she went into cardiac arrest. I went to her funeral, but I would have gone anyway.

Beyond that no, I haven't, nor will I ever unless it is a situation like above.

 

[EMS49393]

When I was very new I visited the pauper's grave of a patient that I worked with at the state mental hospital over the summer when I was 15 and 16. He went into cardiac arrest outside his cottage, and it was my first code as a fresh-faced teenage EMT. I vowed I would never become that emotionally involved with ANY patients ever again.

It sounds very cold, but it keeps me very sane. When it's over, I close the book.

 

[firetender]

It sounds very cold, but it keeps me very sane. When it's over, I close the book.

I understand, it's not cold; it's one way to do it. For myself, when it was over, I wrote a book!

 

[firecoins]

I was just wondering if any of you have ever been to the funeral, wake, memorial service, or any other kind of after-death event/ceremony/service/whatever for a person that you, in your capacity as an EMS provider, treated. Or even gone to the cemetery or grave site later.

Why or why not?

nope. Unless I know them outside of EMS, I won't go.

 

[DrParasite]

nope. Unless I know them outside of EMS, I won't go.

Bingo. Leave your work at work, don't bring it with you when you leave. If I know the person, I will consider it, but if it's just a patient I treated and died, then my job is done once I get back in my truck and head to the next one.

 

[Seaglass]

Once. Worked the code, didn't know the guy, didn't want to go. If anyone wants to hear about it, feel free to message me, but I'm not posting details.

I don't like the idea, in general. I think that the funeral is for the survivors. If any of them were there for the death, they'll already be replaying it, even though they're trying to celebrate her life. Seeing someone who they last saw breaking Mom's ribs is not likely to help with that, especially if they don't otherwise know you. At best, you'll be awkward. At worst, you'll be a convenient target for all kinds of ugly emotions.

If you need to honor the dead, you can always visit the grave later. I don't really recommend that either, though. Leave work at work.

Of course, every set of circumstances is unique. If you'd otherwise go, then go.

 

[emtchick171]

nope. Unless I know them outside of EMS, I won't go.

I completely agree with you. I have been to several funeral services of people that were PTs either on my ambulance or on the ambulance of some of my co-workers, but I knew them all outside of EMS.

I find that it is much better not to become emotionally attached to PTs...