The other side...

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Paramaybe

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As I got off work last night I received a phone call and instantly found myself on the opposite side of the lights and sirens.

My family suffered a great loss that was sudden and unexpected. To make the matters more difficult a good friend and coworker was the Medic on the call and knew right away the relationship. He knows he did everything he could and then some. I know he did everything and more... but that doesn't make it any easier.

I have things to say, but they won't come out right now. I'm trying to occupy my mind from the inevitable by randomly browsing the internet but it's not working.

I guess my initial point is never forget about those on the other side. We deal with death and tragedy far more than anyone else and sometimes we can become somewhat callous to the job, but we can't lose or forget about the common bond, we're all human. We're all tied together.

Don't ever take anything for granted. Ever.
 
Paramaybe said:
I guess my initial point is never forget about those on the other side. We deal with death and tragedy far more than anyone else and sometimes we can become somewhat callous to the job, but we can't lose or forget about the common bond, we're all human. We're all tied together.

Don't ever take anything for granted. Ever.
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All I can say is Thank You! and please, don't shy away from sharing more insights as you re-adjust. Can you see how working EMS is like attending your own death and rebirth many, many times?
 
I'm terribly sorry for your loss.
I had an awaking like that earlier this summer and it's terrible. The easiest way to work with it is to talk to people or someone special.
 
I have never really been on the other side. When tragedy struck I was young, uneducated and everything was out of sight out of mind.

Parts are becoming clear and as I entered the room I could see the sense of urgency on my friends/coworkers faces as the tears streamed down, but nobody would look me in the eyes. I didn't completely know what was going on yet. My vision wouldn't focus and I stood there, I froze. This scene was not uncommon for me, same scenario and same people, but it felt different. I felt sick to my stomach and I could feel my pulse racing. The person lying on the ground was a part of me, but I was overcome with a sense of doom or demise.

I'm not young anymore, I'm uneducated and this was definitely in my sight and rapidly running through my mind. I saw what they were doing, I can now read a cardiac monitor, I know why the drugs in those preloaded syringes were used so I knew exactly where we were in the call.

The only thing all of this did was remove all doubt and hope from my mind, and as soon as that happened I knew the next few steps were going to be unbearable. My friends couldn't speak to me, I kept repeating "I know, I know" while my voice cracked as they loaded for transport. They didn't have to do this, we all knew what had happened but nobody gave up and my coworker didn't want to stay "on scene" and pronounce because it wasn't a scene, it was our mothers/fathers house.

As weird as this many sound, I wish I would of done something. Even if I did a round of CPR or just held his hand. I think that would of made me feel better, his soul was escaping his body and in all honestly I don't know where the official end was during "the call." All I did was stand over him and stare into his eyes. Even though it wasn't much I'd like to think he saw me at least for a second. He wasn't alone.

After we all went to the hospital I tried to head out early to get the room and house cleaned up before everyone returned. Everyone who was there (about 15 EMS providers total) did their best to clean up and make things presentable but being in this field you know what I had to face. Walking into the house, it quickly hit me that its owner would never return. His work boots sat by the door, and I knew they'd never be used again. Everything is exactly in its place as he left it. I suddenly felt nauseous and had to step outside for some air while I regained my composure. I did what I could as I sat on the floor at 3 in the morning scrubbing away any evidence of what just happened, but I couldn't.

Today is what you expect as family and friends stop by to pay their condolences, but I can't be over there. I can admit it's too hard right now, but this is how I'll deal with it. Being on the outside looking in, I feel weak and tired thinking about all the other families I can recall on calls like this where I was on the other side. Did I do my best? Was I respectful? Of course I was but you can't help but second guess yourself.

Did I have an epiphany? Not really because this is EMS, and this is what I do. I did, however, make a vow to myself. I will do what's necessary to be as efficient and skilled as possible in my profession. I will continue my education in any way beneficial to help those that need our help. I will do everything in my power to make these situations as tolerable as possible for future patients, and when I am forced to tell their families I did all that I could, I will mean it, and I will understand exactly what they're going through.
 
You have my sympathies. :sad:
 
I'm very sorry for your loss
 
My condolences to you and your family...

i have also lost someone in my family (my dad) this past year, and as you and everyone who has experienced this unforuatnate pain, it is one of THE HARDEST things to get through,but you will get through it.

i hope the powers above give you and your loved ones infinite patience through these rough times..
 
My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. Take time to grieve and the healing will come.
 
The other side is definitely not something everyone gets to experience, especially at young age. It tends to be so humbling and can make a provider really re-think life, and even the approach of patients. When dealt with appropriately, and full understanding.... this experience can be one of the most rewarding experiences in a provider's life.... because now you realize it... not just because it was in chapter 2 of a book you read in class.
When you have healed yourself, and back in action... the strangers and families you touch during their 'other side' will be appreciated. It will show in your eyes, attitude and voice.... and those strangers will remember that, and it will help their process. That understanding is something so many people need, and it is not always there at the right time. Silence is not always golden.... tact and timing is.

Be strong... don't second guess too much and best wishes to you.
 
Paramaybe said:
I have never really been on the other side...

Did I have an epiphany? Not really because this is EMS, and this is what I do. I did, however, make a vow to myself. I will do what's necessary to be as efficient and skilled as possible in my profession. I will continue my education in any way beneficial to help those that need our help. I will do everything in my power to make these situations as tolerable as possible for future patients, and when I am forced to tell their families I did all that I could, I will mean it, and I will understand exactly what they're going through.
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This is one of the many ways that people live forever. You could do no greater honor to this person than to continue to live this statement and teach others about how you came to it.
 
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