What level of Retarded are you?

[MedicPrincess]

My 9 year old son, just out of the blue a couple days ago tells me....

"Mom, did you know there are 3 levels of retarded." So obviously now I am curious as to what he is thinking NOW, I engage this. So he continues...

Level 3 are the worst. They are the ones that are really DUMB! They are like "errrrrr" (with his eyes crossed and tounge hanging out). They would get F-- 's in school, and loose their recess everyday. They do really stupid things that would probably get themselves killed right away...like they would jump off of a building if you told them because they are REEEEE-tarded.

Level 2 are only sort of dumb. They probably get C's and D's in school, but they wouldn't do things to get themselves killed. They would maybe ride their bikes on the highway, without a helmet, and no hands. Really stupid, but might not die from it.

Level 1 retarded are SUPER SMART! They get A's in school. They are the ones that laugh at their own jokes, and talk to themselves, and just think they are so funny. They wouldn't do anything that is going to get themselves to hurt, because they are so smart they are geniuses. They are definantly in Gifted at school.

Then he turns in his seat and looks at me with a huge smile and says, "I am a Level 1 Retard."

So think about it....where do you fall...and see if you don't find yourself determining where your patients fall too...

 

[Guardian]

your son is a smart kid, you should be proud. In psych, there are actually different levels of retardation that aren't that far off from what you son described. I'm a level 1 without the raw intelligence. That is to say, I'm scared of things and laugh at my own jokes but don't have the intelligence to make up for it.

 

[EMTmetzger]

idk retardedness is a hard thing, i'v seen some not so smart people think things through and reach a decision w/ common sence, also iv seen some straight a's say some retarded thing. then iv seed the fun combination of the ones who are RE-TAR-DED!!!!!!! and have no common sence at all but have all A's cuz they just copy off other people. so personnaly im the first type that i mentioned, not so smart but i have common sence, wich would explain any spelling erors that are more than likely to be in this.

 

[BossyCow]

Eons ago I worked with a city parks program that combined gifted children with mentally disabled. It was an amazingly sucessful program since they found the kids who are on either end of the intellectual spectrum have more in common with each other than they do with those in the middle.

 

[EeyoreEMT]

Street smarts-book smarts

I have seen the smartest people not be able to break down a simple problem in EMS and a dumber that sh.. newbee figure it out in seconds. The book smart person is posed with the problem, let's say, to get into the house of a dying pt. We arrive on scene and the front door is locked, the smart one keeps trying the same door, like it may open this time, or if they push harder, it will open; while the other person attempts other means, like other doors, open windows, key under rock beside dog house, EMT card along the door lock. Now mind you, this is for fun, and no PD is on scene or available. I've seen it a million times, they are stuck on the front door and can't get by it in their heads!! 1+1 always = 2 to them. For you new EMTs, 2 is 1, 1 is none.

Think about having 1 ob kit on the truck, which is I believe the state minimum if I remember correctly. You get a call for a 32 yof having contractions. Ya, like they baby is really coming right now. When you get on scene, which is usually, in our case, depending on how far out of town they are, about 10-12 minutes later, her water broke this morning, it's now 5 p.m. and contractions are 1-2 minutes apart and she is having twins. Awe.... isn't that cute??? Crap... only 1 ob kit and this is her 3rd pregnancy. You are on bumpy back roads, to which 25 mph is too fast and you have to wrap your leg into the cot to steady yourself, which is very dangerous for you, and guess what??? She says she has to push! Is that a butt pucker or what??

So, what I'm trying to say, never rely on something important and only have 1 of them on your truck. Most crews have a 5-10 minute ride time to the hospital and don't really have to be thankful that we put the extra body bag in the truck for the double fatal, that we thought was a single, until we found three arms. That story is true. If our other truck is out, we are it!! The closest squad from anywhere or any company is at least 20 minutes away, minimum. Basics here know their skills and yes...you have to have a sense of humor to get through those really messeed up calls. Like singing "I Feel Good" or "This Will Be the Day When I Die" while you work a code (no family present of course). And my personal favorite, getting called to go assist on a code, which means there will be a medic and basic in the back, me and the medic, and while I was getting intubation stuff ready for partner as she ventilated, I had my favorite jeans on that fit just perfect with that worn hole in the knee from actual work; as she attempted to intubate, the pt vomitted meat and noodles everywhere! Now mind you, there has been only one thing that has made be a bit gaggy, which are maggots on people, however, one noodle just happened to fly into the air and land right on my bare knee-and stuck there! I had vomit on me elsewhere as I was doing CPR and after a successful intubation, was also bagging, still with the noodle stuck to my knee. I slowly lifted my head and looked at my partner as she was laughing and giggling while pushing another round of epi, asked her if-when she has a moment if she could kindly flick the noodle off my knee. By then, we were both laughing so hard, the code didn't go all so well.

It sucks to live in a very rural area-where you know everyone, or their family knows your family and friends. Everyone waves to each other and on calls, you get hugged when you get on scene. My partners all hated that, most of them were from out of town. There were 2 of us local to town, the other 10, about 20 miles or more away. My one partner, the greatest, my mentor, drove 60 miles one way, would work a 72 hour shift, then go home. He's been a medic for over 20 years, was one of the very first medics or EMT-I (I don't remember) in WV, a great teacher. But if you want humor, baby, I've got tons of out of this world true stories you wouldn't believe!!! Plus, they're educational, oh a bonus!!