mycrofft
Still crazy but elsewhere
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I've been on some pretty gory and creepy scenes and not once did I ever consider running. My only thoughts were what needed to be done next. Just take every call one step at a time and you will be fine. Another thing to consider is maybe this isn't the line of work for you which is nothing to be ashamed of. My father was a Marine and served in WWII, Korea, and Vietnam. When my mom got a nose bleed he would practically feint. I asked him how he could ever be a Marine in three wars if he got so queasy. He said he never stopped and looked at any of that. He was a great Marine, and a wonderful father, he wouldn't have made it a week as an EMT.
Also there is delayed reaction/PTSD. In my case, a 12 y/o post-Russian Roulette with about 1/8 his head missing; in the poor light we were walking and kneeling on bone and brains. Only when I was much older and had a second kid did I realize how much it affected me. But for a couple decades it was just another sad story from a trailer park.
Looking back at my experiences I'd have to say that in the moment, unless "there's work to be done" overrides the blood and gore, you're not going to be able to function and that's what you're there to do; function in situations where no one else can or will.
If you find you can't do that, there's no shame whatsoever in leaving the field to find something that you CAN do without carrying a major trauma every time something miserable or gross happens.
Miserable and gross is part of the job description.