Lady_EMT
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Hello, all. I have a kinda stupid story, but I'd love some feedback and help with this.
First off, I'm an AEMT, and belong to a rural volunteer ambulance corps. We run about 1000 calls a year. In our area we have several waterways, including a river, a few ponds, and two large lakes (one being a reservoir).
About a month ago, we got toned out for a 15yo male, possible drowning. Now, having so many waterways, we usually get a couple of these every summer, usually being some kid who swallowed a little water, sputtered for a minute, and scared mom to call the ambulance. Me and a fellow volunteer were the first onscene to the beach, followed closely by a fire chief (we had several fire departments on the way with boats and dive equipment. The ambulance was a little bit behind us, waiting for the crew to be assembled). We come to find a police officer looking around confused. We get out of my car, and a few people run up to us, telling us different variations of the story - theres one person in the water, there's two people in the water, someones drowning, someones lost, they're on this side of the lake, they're on the other side of the lake, etc. I look towards the boat launch, and notice that the fire department has arrived, and is loading boats into the water. The ambulance gets onscene, I tell them to go to the boat launch, and go from there. We get there, send out several boats, while the lifegaurds hired by the lake are looking around as well. Finally, after about 45-50 minutes, command starts thinking that this may be a prank call. I get ahold of dispatch, and ask them to try to get a hold of the original caller, have them find us so that we can figure out what's going on. That's when it happens. One of the boats got around to the opposite side of an island in the lake, and finds a family screaming and crying, stating that their brother/cousin/son went underwater over an hour ago. (Now, mind you, they shouldn't have been in this area of the lake. It is a restricted area.) The divers start looking in that spot. Finally they find the kid. Turns out he was 22, not 15. I look out over the lake, to see the boat coming in, one of the firefighters doing CPR. It suddenly became real to me. I assisted getting the stretcher down, helped load the kid into the ambulance, and jumped in to start doing my job. But suddenly, everything went "funny." I looked at the kid, whom at the time I thought was 15, and all I could think of was my 16 year old brother. The age hit me like a ton of bricks. The whole scene was overwhelming. I won't get into graphic detail, but each tiny thing is still etched into my memory like I'm looking at it right now. I almost vommited, and jumped from the ambulance and made a run to my car. (For the record, I didn't at all compromise care. I was a first responder, so he had all the care he needed from the set crew.) I sat in my car, and sobbed. I could barely drive back to HQ. I was an absolute wreck. It really made me question everything about this "job." I love it, it's something that truly makes me happy, but I suddenly became terrified of the way this call had made me feel. What if this happens in another call? What if I'm actually in charge of a call and this happens to me? What if I can never handle any type of call after this?
I did my first real call since that call last friday. It was a Cardiac Arrest. We get on scene to find enough blood to, at first, suspect a GSW. (turns out the woman had lung cancer.) My stomach tied into a knot, and all I could think about was that I couldn't do this. Suddenly, that exhilerating feeling you get though this job ran through my veins. I shook my head, and jumped on in, doing what I needed to do. I actually threw a combitube, which i'm still SUPER proud about.
So, I guess I have a few things I need reassurance on. First off, does it make me a bad AEMT since I was so terrified by the drowing? I feel like I should be confident and sturdy through everything, and I felt so weak. Second, is it bad that a code and combitube is what brought me back into the game? I'm sorta all mixed up now. I've never been more confident than I am now that this is meant for me. But I'm still hung up on that drowning.
HELP! lol.
Thanks for any input!
First off, I'm an AEMT, and belong to a rural volunteer ambulance corps. We run about 1000 calls a year. In our area we have several waterways, including a river, a few ponds, and two large lakes (one being a reservoir).
About a month ago, we got toned out for a 15yo male, possible drowning. Now, having so many waterways, we usually get a couple of these every summer, usually being some kid who swallowed a little water, sputtered for a minute, and scared mom to call the ambulance. Me and a fellow volunteer were the first onscene to the beach, followed closely by a fire chief (we had several fire departments on the way with boats and dive equipment. The ambulance was a little bit behind us, waiting for the crew to be assembled). We come to find a police officer looking around confused. We get out of my car, and a few people run up to us, telling us different variations of the story - theres one person in the water, there's two people in the water, someones drowning, someones lost, they're on this side of the lake, they're on the other side of the lake, etc. I look towards the boat launch, and notice that the fire department has arrived, and is loading boats into the water. The ambulance gets onscene, I tell them to go to the boat launch, and go from there. We get there, send out several boats, while the lifegaurds hired by the lake are looking around as well. Finally, after about 45-50 minutes, command starts thinking that this may be a prank call. I get ahold of dispatch, and ask them to try to get a hold of the original caller, have them find us so that we can figure out what's going on. That's when it happens. One of the boats got around to the opposite side of an island in the lake, and finds a family screaming and crying, stating that their brother/cousin/son went underwater over an hour ago. (Now, mind you, they shouldn't have been in this area of the lake. It is a restricted area.) The divers start looking in that spot. Finally they find the kid. Turns out he was 22, not 15. I look out over the lake, to see the boat coming in, one of the firefighters doing CPR. It suddenly became real to me. I assisted getting the stretcher down, helped load the kid into the ambulance, and jumped in to start doing my job. But suddenly, everything went "funny." I looked at the kid, whom at the time I thought was 15, and all I could think of was my 16 year old brother. The age hit me like a ton of bricks. The whole scene was overwhelming. I won't get into graphic detail, but each tiny thing is still etched into my memory like I'm looking at it right now. I almost vommited, and jumped from the ambulance and made a run to my car. (For the record, I didn't at all compromise care. I was a first responder, so he had all the care he needed from the set crew.) I sat in my car, and sobbed. I could barely drive back to HQ. I was an absolute wreck. It really made me question everything about this "job." I love it, it's something that truly makes me happy, but I suddenly became terrified of the way this call had made me feel. What if this happens in another call? What if I'm actually in charge of a call and this happens to me? What if I can never handle any type of call after this?
I did my first real call since that call last friday. It was a Cardiac Arrest. We get on scene to find enough blood to, at first, suspect a GSW. (turns out the woman had lung cancer.) My stomach tied into a knot, and all I could think about was that I couldn't do this. Suddenly, that exhilerating feeling you get though this job ran through my veins. I shook my head, and jumped on in, doing what I needed to do. I actually threw a combitube, which i'm still SUPER proud about.
So, I guess I have a few things I need reassurance on. First off, does it make me a bad AEMT since I was so terrified by the drowing? I feel like I should be confident and sturdy through everything, and I felt so weak. Second, is it bad that a code and combitube is what brought me back into the game? I'm sorta all mixed up now. I've never been more confident than I am now that this is meant for me. But I'm still hung up on that drowning.
HELP! lol.
Thanks for any input!
