EMS Rules ( The ones you don't learn in school)

[AMRmedic10]

Gotta GO, Gotta GO, Gotta GO RIGHT NOW!!!

Never pass up the opportunity to pee. (You may not have a chance later.)

No kidding... there have been days when I'd have given anything to have an anchored Foley with a leg bag. Never pass up a potty break!!!

 

[sarahharter]

never drink a 32 oz coffee at the begging of yoiur shift - free or not - cuz you are going to be holding in that coffee for about ten hours.

never start baking cookies in the middle of your shift cuz trust me you'll never get to eat them however the police and medics that come to visit your station while your out will.

never go out for breakfast cuz you might just get a call at your own station for the fire alarm- has happened three times to me already!

try not to wear new boots and break them in your feet will be hurting pups by the end of the day.

washing your rig is a sheer sign that you are going to get a call that calls for direction that state turn off the paved road.

 

[eric2068]

Chest pain will always increase (or develop) as you pull up to the ER.
If there is just a little ice somewhere in the area, someone will fall in a Walmart parking lot.
The chances of getting a call, and the end of shift increases geometrically the closer you get.
"A little bit of this and a little bit of that" and "Just about everything" is considered by the public as enough info for a pmhx.

 

[lizhiniatsos]

the size of the person coding is directly proportionate to the size of the area they code in...the larger the person is, the smaller the space will be...it it will usually be between a toilet and a tub at the back end of an 8 foot wide trailer house....

 

[UNIT 52]

If it's wet and not yours then it is infectious(?sp)

 

[DarkHuntressMedic]

Don't lick your patients.

Save food, that isn't easily reheated or doesn't taste good cold, for home!

Dead is dead.

You can't fix stupid.

Stupidity is our job security.

If its wet and its not yours, dont touch it!

For the pt that says "...for no reason..." trust that there is always a reason!

The amount of clothing a homeless person is wearing is directly proportional to how bad they smell.

A chief complaint, no matter how crude or rediculous, if placed in quotations is chartable!

 

[jester_1269]

Cadets riding with you spell trouble. They tend to say the "Q" word, then 15 minutes after they leave tones drop for something nasty...

RN stands for "Really Nothing" ^_^

CPR is only done properly when you feel ribs break.

The blue light is not a "get out of stopping at stop signs free" card. Nor is it permission to go as fast as you desire

Firemen are great at lifting cots and said disproportionately large patients. Never hesitate to use them.

The deadliest GSW is one made by a .22

Horizontal goes to the hospital, vertical goes to the morgue

Remember PIE: Pressure, Ice, Elevation....Mmmmm...pie...

Fingers DO NOT make good bite blocks

Dispatchers only know what is TOLD to them, not necessarily the reality of the call.

It is ok to throw an object at the driver of your rig if they just blew through a stop light or jumped a railroad track

Your patient, your scene, your ***...remember that.

 

[Illini_emt]

ER Tech Rule #1 if you want to get out of 1:1 Observation faster:

When I comes to a psych transfer, ALS = A Lot Sooner!
-----------
And something that should be taught in grade school, was my mother the only one that mentioned that you only call the ambulance if you are dead, dieing, or arterial bleeding, because by god she was not going to pay that damned CoPay

PT Rules for calling an ambulance.....

1. Don't greet us with the words "you'll need a stretcher". If you're an accountant, would you expect me to come to your work and say "You'll need a calculator"?

2. If you call an ambulance, make some kind of effort to make yourself/your house visible. Turning on an outside light. Getting someone to stand outside to wave us down (see point 3). Giving the operator an idea of local landmarks. Saying "I'm in Newcastle" does NOT help.

3. If you are aforementioned waving gimp. A simple sticking out of hand as if you were hailing a taxi will suffice. Performing actions that make you look like an epileptic mating with a windmill will not expedite our arrival. In fact we may just drive past for the hell of it.

4. If you got yourself upstairs, you can sure as hell get yourself downstairs.
5. Abdominal pain does not affect the motor function of the legs. You can still walk.

6. If I came and sat in your house, pi**ed on the floor, threw up on myself and fell asleep on a chair, you may be put out. So don't do it in my ambulance.

7. Don't even THINK about hitting me. I hit back, harder…. And I can kill you and leave no trace.

8. Unless there is a very good reason, you go to the A&E of my choice. Good reasons include a: it's a skive b: it's a fun drive c: it's about lunchtime and the canteen is good d: the nurses are all up for it and e: because I'm a vindictive ******.

9. Did I mention that if you do succeed in assaulting me, my friends the police will make sure you get nicked. And hurt. And will causally remark to some of their sources inside that you are a kiddie fiddler.

10. Grannies pay attention: if you have chest pain, don't wait until the morning to call because "you didn't want to be a bother." Trust me, be a bother, that's what we are actually here for (this is probably the most serious point - if you have chest pain, call 911 for god's sake!

11. If you've been drinking, don't lie about the amount. We're not cops.

12. If you've taken drugs, tell me. I can guess. And so can the purple elephant. Trust me, the majority of us have experienced unofficial medication in the past, so we know when we are being lied to.

13. Girls: if your mate is lying on the ground vomiting after downing 15 shots of sambuca, do not tell us her drink has been spiked. Your friend looks like something the Japanese would kill for research. It would take something that would normally be used for anaesthetising bull elephants to bring her down, and nobody, not even a raving pervert, would s**g it.

14. Being above the 5th floor in a block of flats is a capital offence.

15. If your first words to us are "you took your time" then they may also be your last.

16. Living in the middle of nowhere has its advantages. It also means that it may take a bit of time to get to you. We drive big vans, not the starship enterprise.

17. If you are a scrote, and you are cold and fancy going to the A&E for a bit of food and a cup of tea... tell me. Don't lie and say you have chest pain.

18. We can spot a fake fit 5 miles off.

19. If you have a very sick baby, an ambulance crew will appear behind you by magic.

20. We do care, but the job does get to you. So please take the cynicism, sick humour and bad b*st*rd temper with a pinch of salt. Especially if you call me out at 5 minutes before shift end.

 

[Sasha]

RN stands for "Really Nothing"

Not funny. We have RN's who frequent this site. RN's, especially those who work in flight, critical care, or emergency room settings are a part of EMS. EMS doesn't just involve Paramedics and EMTs.

13. Girls: if your mate is lying on the ground vomiting after downing 15 shots of sambuca, do not tell us her drink has been spiked. Your friend looks like something the Japanese would kill for research. It would take something that would normally be used for anaesthetising bull elephants to bring her down, and nobody, not even a raving pervert, would s**g it.

Not even funny in the least, and kind of offensive!

 

[Outbac1]

For U/C fakers. "Up your nose with a rubber hose" really works.

Never pass up an empty bathroom whether you need it or not.

Regardless of the severity of the call, NO ONE may leave the porcelin
room until the paper work is finalised.

Some patients live despite our best efforts.

Paramedics don't run.

You will be surprised how fast an old paramedic can run.

If you see me running, try to keep up.

Don't over complicate things, simple works well, a lot.

Despite the ability to stay and play, we are still in the transportation
business.

Lights and sirens does not eliminate the need for caution.

Jaywalkers are PHO's (potential hood ornaments).

 

[Meursault]

rules

Where did you get those, and how do I congratulate the author?

 

[jester_1269]

Not funny. We have RN's who frequent this site. RN's, especially those who work in flight, critical care, or emergency room settings are a part of EMS. EMS doesn't just involve Paramedics and EMTs.

who squatted in your wheaties? fyi, I work at a hospital, in the ER, with RNs. I have nothing but love for them (thus the "^_^") however some, just like medics, emts, docs, ect, have a severe "us vs them" mentality and need to incorporate a small sense of humor in their attitudes.

That high horse of yours? Ya, you need to come off it.

 

[Sasha]

who squatted in your wheaties? fyi, I work at a hospital, in the ER, with RNs. I have nothing but love for them (thus the "^_^") however some, just like medics, emts, docs, ect, have a severe "us vs them" mentality and need to incorporate a small sense of humor in their attitudes.

That high horse of yours? Ya, you need to come off it.

Well you only perpetuate the "us vs. them" mentality by posting unfunny things like that. It's not us vs. them. And I have a sense of humor, but that wasn't funny.

High horse? I beg to differ.

 

[raisingkahne9]

I say that someone should write a book, with all those 'Ems Rules', that you don't learn in school. I'd buy it.

 

[EeyoreEMT]

Not nice

Not funny. We have RN's who frequent this site. RN's, especially those who work in flight, critical care, or emergency room settings are a part of EMS. EMS doesn't just involve Paramedics and EMTs.


Not even funny in the least, and kind of offensive!

Just as in every job, there are good ones, bad ones and great ones. You just need to wait till one of them saves your butt! Same job, same crap guys.

 

[EeyoreEMT]

The most valuable knowledge in EMS I did not receive from class. It was from working with seasoned Medics who felt that their partner, was just that, their partner. I was there for him/her, and they were there for me, and we were both there for the pt. The closest hospital we have is 30 miles away, we are resposible for 75% of the county's 911 calls. Basics need to learn more than vitals, when push comes to shove, I would take a good basic as a partner any day over an overconfident paragod-like medic. Medics can be great teachers, if they want to be.

 

[ffemt8978]

who squatted in your wheaties? fyi, I work at a hospital, in the ER, with RNs. I have nothing but love for them (thus the "^_^") however some, just like medics, emts, docs, ect, have a severe "us vs them" mentality and need to incorporate a small sense of humor in their attitudes.

That high horse of yours? Ya, you need to come off it.

Well you only perpetuate the "us vs. them" mentality by posting unfunny things like that. It's not us vs. them. And I have a sense of humor, but that wasn't funny.

High horse? I beg to differ.

Play nice, people.

 

[medic417]

Play nice, people.

But someone has to play bad cop or nice cop/bad cop doesn't work.

 

[Sasha]

Play nice, people.

I'm always nice!

(Bahahaha. I'm waiting for the lightening to strike!)

 

[ffemt8978]

But someone has to play bad cop or nice cop/bad cop doesn't work.

Bad cop is my job...