EMS Rules ( The ones you don't learn in school)

[captainbeatty]

Veterans know there are many things you don't learn in EMT school. Here's a few. Please add some more.
1. The more a patient weighs, the higher they live in an apartment building .
1-a) The more a patient weighs, the more likely it will be that the elevator is out.
2) If a dispatcher gives you directions and tells you you can't miss it, you will soon be totally lost.
3) When a nursing home calls in a run and tells you the patient is bad, and please get there quick, you will find said patient waiting at the front door with a suitcase. When they tell you take your time, there is no hurry to transport a patient, you will find said patient with agonal breathing, with a pulse rate of 45.

Let's hear some more.

 

[Scout]

saying the word teiuq in reverse is hazardous to your health,

 

[JPINFV]

ABC means Ambulate Before Carry.

 

[EMTinNEPA]

If you are unfortunate enough to drop something, it will land in the absolutely LEAST accessible place possible.

 

[Medic]

The "Q"(quiet) word at the beginning of a shift leads to a very busy shift.

You seem to always receive your last call at 5:45 when your shift ends at 6.

As soon as you've made that cup of coffee or prepared that plate of food you get a call.

 

[mycrofft]

Haha!! For real!

1. Make or buy no meal you can't put on bread and eat one handed.
2. Always have bread.
3. Never test battery operated equip only while still on the charger.
4. If you have two devices with incompatible consumable components (batteries, printer paper), the wrong supply will eventually get with the wrong equipment...or does a double negative make it work out ok?
5. OLD apartment houses have four things in common: old people; polished marble stairs with small landings and steam radiators;no elevators; an attraction for winter incidents.
6. When in doubt about the radiators on the small landings in #5 being hot, let your partner take the lead.

 

[JSL22]

If you are unfortunate enough to drop something, it will land in the absolutely LEAST accessible place possible.

Dropping a billing sheet and have it some how, by the grace of god, slip behind the light toggle board and into the electric compartment, thus forcing you to disassemble the entire inside of the truck.

 

[SCClayton]

Dropping a billing sheet and have it some how, by the grace of god, slip behind the light toggle board and into the electric compartment, thus forcing you to disassemble the entire inside of the truck.

I'm truly impressed with your extreme paper dropping skills. I only hope I can be that great one day. ^_^

 

[skivail]

Its amazing what you find when you start pulling apart the pannels. I found an unopened box of gloves. No idea how it got back there.

 

[Buzz]

Here's one:

When you work in a system with very few MVA's and you actually get called to one, you will arrive to the general stretch of road and be presented with a ridiculously large number of MVA's and not any clue which one you are actually supposed to be responding to.


Or at least that's how it was for me last night.

 

[rogersam5]

If the dispatcher sends you to a "18 y.o. Female who has fallen" you will soon walk in to have a screaming pt. and findout that the only information you can get out of them is their nickname, let alone what is happening or if they take any medications

 

[firecoins]

The Rule of 2 drinks.

at 1am I get the intox who only had "2 drinks". I have yet to transport anyone who had more.

at 3am I get the alcohol fueled assault victim. The victim and assailant both only had "2 drinks".

at 5am I get the intox sleeping on the sidewalk in vomit. They also only has "2 drinks".

at 6:30am I get the minor mva. I am ready for "2 drinks"

 

[BossyCow]

The Rule of 2 drinks.

at 1am I get the intox who only had "2 drinks". I have yet to transport anyone who had more.

at 3am I get the alcohol fueled assault victim. The victim and assailant both only had "2 drinks".

at 5am I get the intox sleeping on the sidewalk in vomit. They also only has "2 drinks".

at 6:30am I get the minor mva. I am ready for "2 drinks"

I actually had someone when asked.. "Sir have you been drinking!" was told.. "yep.. for about a month"

 

[Second]

The Rule of 2 drinks.

at 1am I get the intox who only had "2 drinks". I have yet to transport anyone who had more.

at 3am I get the alcohol fueled assault victim. The victim and assailant both only had "2 drinks".

at 5am I get the intox sleeping on the sidewalk in vomit. They also only has "2 drinks".

at 6:30am I get the minor mva. I am ready for "2 drinks"

sounds to me like they can't hold there alcohol

 

[firecoins]

sounds to me like they can't hold there alcohol

They were two very large drinks.

 

[aussieemt1980]

1. The severity of the injury is directly inproportianate to the screaming from the patient

2. Never wish for truama - it will always be a head scratcher

3. Beat any person who says "at least you are having a quiet day. I am just saying this because you look bored".

4. If you do not beat the person in number 3, you will have a run within 15 minutes.

5. One that I learnt the other week when a call came in - never assume the expert on the other end actually knows what they are talking about - had a report of a patient that was electrocuted while working on the suspension of his car (no electrical components) and turns out he had a TIA.

6. Always remember to make a sacrifice and do the dance that pleases "Panica" - the EMS God. Failure to do so results in the god punishing you with a busy shift.

 

[Hockey]

Might be a few reposts but here you go



-Skin signs tell all.
- Sick people don't :censored::censored::censored::censored::censored:.

- Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing.

-About %70 of the battery patients more than likely deserved it.

- All bleeding stops....eventually.

- All people will eventually die, no matter what you do.

- If the child is quiet, be scared.


- EMS is extended periods of intense boredom, interrupted by occasional moments of sheer terror.

- If the pt. vomits, try to hold the head to the side of the rig with the least difficult to clean equipment.

1
- -There will be problems.

1-The severity of the injury(s) is directly proportional to the difficulty in accessing, as well as the weight, of the patient.

1
-- "Paramedics save lives; EMT's save Paramedics."

- If the patient looks sick, than the patient is sick.

- If the patient is sitting up and talking to you, then the patient is not in V-Fib, no matter what the monitor says.

- It is that bad.

- If you absolutely must vomit, than it is probably best to turn your head away from the patient.

- It is generally bad to use the words "holy :censored::censored::censored::censored:" on scene, in reference to the patient's condition.

- Better them (another unit) then me.

- When responding to a call always remember that the lowest bidder built your ambulance

- If its stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid
-Always honor a threat

- Always know when to get out of dodge

- Always know HOW to get out of dodge

- You can't please any of the people any of the time.

- Don't go INTO Dodge without the Marshall.

- They said, " Smile, things could be worse." So we smiled and sure enough, things got worse!!!

-Always answer a newbie's questions. (You once asked them, too.)

- The number of drugs a patient has on board is directly proportional to the number of knuckles tattooed.

- If you respond to an MVA after midnight and you don't find a drunk, keep looking - you've missed a patient.
- Best time to work a code - overtime.

-Pain never killed anyone.

-All fevers eventually fall to room temperature.

- A Pt.'s weight is directly proportional to the chances the elevator will be non-functioning.

- Here is a simple ETOH test: Hold your hands about 6 inches apart with thumbs and forefingers touching and ask pt. what color string you are holding. If pt. indicates a color it is a positive test.

-If you drop the baby, pick it up.

- O2 is good, blue is bad.

- Never trust an ER doc with anything sharper than a tongue depressor

- Asystole is a very stable rhythm

- A Pt.'s weight is in direct proportion to their altitude in the building.

- A Pt.'s weight is directly related to the number of stair flights between him/her and the rig.

- EMS RULE OF THREES (as it relates to codes) 300 pounds <30 minutes to shift change 3 stories up in the building.

- Whoops: 1) the monitor just fell down the stairs, 2) the cold and flu patient just coded, 3) the wrong house. (Hint: the one with the lab probably didn't call 911)

- Rules: 1) Don't get dirty, 2) Don't run, you may violate rule #1, 3) If it looks like you might get dirty doing something let the new guy do it.

- For every ALS skill we learn, we forget a BLS one.

- The fire tetrahedron consists of the following: heat, oxygen, fuel, chief officer. Take any of them away and the fire goes out.

- "Compassion Kills", don't dive into incidents.

- When a call comes in 2 min. before shift change you will always pass your relief 1 block from the station. (He/she/ it will be laughing and waving at you.

-If you lift an inch, crib an inch.

- If you think the cost of education is expensive, check out the cost of ignorance.

- Universal Precautions - Is it wet? Is it yours? If it is, and it isn't then leave it alone.

- Every Emergency has three phases - PANIC, FEAR, AND REMORSE.

- You are bound to get a call either during dinner, while you are on the can, or at 02:00 in the middle of a great dream.

- Training is learning the rules; experience is learning the exceptions.

- Rocket scientists that get into stupid car crashes are the first ones to complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.

- Why do fire chiefs where white helmets? So you know where the Preparation H goes.

- Never trust your rig, drug box, or airway bag to be fully stocked. (In spite of the assurances of the off going crew.)

- If you don't have it, don't give up. Adapt, improvise, overcome, and (then call for a second unit).

- There is no such thing as a "textbook case".

- There is no such thing as a bad call. Only calls that didn't go the way you planned.

- Just because someone's EMT or Paramedic original license date is before yours does not mean they know what they are doing.

- For every 25 calls you run, only 1 will be exciting.

- The old EMS constant, no matter how bad the politics get, the doors go up and the trucks go out.

- ALS really stands for "absolute loss of sense".

- Most of your patients are healthier than you are.

- Being in emergency services means you get to celebrate your holidays with all your friends, while on-duty.

- Being an EMT means you get to expose yourself to rare, exotic and exciting new diseases.

-EMS does not save lives; EMS is to care for people. It is 95% of what we do.

- Common sense isn't.

- If you have a ride-along you want to show the real world, nothing will happen that shift.

-EMS goes against the process of natural selection.

-You can't cure stupid.

-We are all slaves to the god "Motorola"

-Murphy was an optimist.

-The address is never clearly marked.

-EMS doesn't save lives we only "postpone the inevitable."

-Supervisors become that because they won't be missed in the field.

-Even sterile water tastes great on a hot day.

-The stereo must always be louder than the siren.

-At the beginning of your shift, your main O2 tank, fuel tank, and stomach will be empty...but the call volume will be full.

- You know you are in trouble when the directions to a patient's house include... " Turn off of the paved surface..."

-Dead is dead, leave it at that.

-Your seriously ill pt. will miraculously get better when you roll them into the ER.

-Your pt. will get new symptoms after radio report and pulling up to ER.
-Don't get excited about blood unless it's your own

-The pain will go away when it stops hurting.

-If nothing has gone wrong you obviously don't understand the situation.

-You should always stop CPR after the second ouch! from the PT.

-People don't call an Ambulance because they did something right.

-Nurses are right as long as you are in THEIR E.D.

-When in doubt, always take another set of vital signs.

-If your patient is violent you can always use O2 therapy (an O2 bottle across the head usually calms them down).

-The larger the house the furthest from a door the patient will be.

-If the patient fell and was moved by the family, they will have moved them so that climbing stairs will be involved.

-The furniture will always be arranged so that a stretcher or stairchair will never fit easily.

-The problem won't be that bad until a major disaster strikes. (You have had chest pain for 3 days and wail till the middle of a blizzard to call ?!?!?)

-The Patient will all of a sudden develop a PMH as soon as the ED nurse asks for one.

- The same applies for medications.

 

[NomadicMedic]

Never pass up the opportunity to pee. (You may not have a chance later.)

 

[jochi1543]

Never pass up the opportunity to pee. (You may not have a chance later.)

Or eat....

 

[JAM-EMT]

Here's one:

When you work in a system with very few MVA's and you actually get called to one, you will arrive to the general stretch of road and be presented with a ridiculously large number of MVA's and not any clue which one you are actually supposed to be responding to.


Or at least that's how it was for me last night.

Wow michigan too? I thought it was just an ohio thing.