Staytrue330
Forum Ride Along
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Hello guys, this is my first thread I've ever posted on here. I wanted to discuss something very deep to only relate to the ones that have felt the things I have been going through. I do not mean to offend anyone on here, ems, or patient related. I just want to give some insight on what the job can do to you if you do not watch your self. Some background about myself, well I have been apart of public service for over 5 years and worked the streets of Las Vegas for 3 years as an emt. Do not get me wrong ems has helped me in so many ways. It forced me to be a more confident person and helped to find things that I truly wanted out of life. Ems helped me to be more aware about my life. I have had great partners and working with many different people really helps with perspective about things. I truly do not regret doing this kind of work, but ems has brought a dark side in myself that I never thought I could reach. Burnout is something I think in ems we do not talk enough about in this line of work. This job has effected my home life, health, family, motivation, and relationships. Burnout kind of sneaks up on you. The long hours, low, pay, nothing working right, and the **** hole people your around all day everyday really brings you down. I have finally got out of ems and I am never going back. I am dangerous to patients the longer I stay in and I am dangerous to myself. Everyday was pure hate for the job and I barely slept, started drinking heavily and doing drugs. I almost checked myself into the looney bin. I have always been a pretty mentally strong person and gotten through every difficult obstacle but this one felt like a nightmare. I was so depressed every ****ing day, the pain of feeling of unworthy was tremendous. I know I sound like a major ***** right now but this was real mental pain. Thoughts of never being anything else but an emt was common. The feelings of my life always going to be this way was an every day thing. I hated people, I had homicidal thoughts every ****ing day and I was scared of myself that one day I was going to hurt someone. There were days I had to go in the bathroom and cry and punch the ****in wall. The stress was real. I do not expect everyone to understand how I felt. I felt like I was a drama queen but this was real ****in stress. Im the kind of guy that never gets mad easily I am very laxed guy nothing bothers me really. Thats why It was such a change in myself. I realize that I was internalizing all the negative energy from hundreds of patients and the frustrations about the job. I finally realized I had to get out before I really lose it and it could mean my partners safety and the patients safety. It got so bad where I put a gun to my head, sounds ****ing insane right!!. I was never the one to trust my coworkers with this information for a very long time. I was afraid to be judged and not trusted, but I finally opened up to the partners that I felt like I trusted. They said they could relate, and that made such a difference knowing I wasn't completely ****ing crazy. How I overcame the burnout was perspective and constantly looked for ways to better myself. I sat down on my days off and evaluated my life completely and thought about what could I do next. I put in over a hundred apps for every ****ing job I thought I could do until I could accomplish my long term goals. That motivated me and gave me a sense of peace and patience to get through the day. I would focus on patients and just do what I needed to do nothing extra. Everyday was still difficult but the edge of hate, anxiety, depression, and the other negative feelings subsided. I focused on getting out and it made me feel so much better. The feeling of change helped through the days. My family support helped a lot too. On my days off I focused on my hobbies and the people that made feel good. This burnout phase taught me a lot and made me much stronger to handle things and it made me think of other things that I could be good that I can service the world with. I hope this helps someone out there that is going through something similar. There is hope and you can beat this negative phase. Working out in the gym and trying to eat better is going to benefit a lot as well. Find people you trust and tell them everything you feel because keeping it inside will eventfully continue to build up. EMS was a great experience for me but I do not recommend it as a career. There are better careers that pay more that do not come with nearly as much bs you have to put up with, this is just my opinion.
