I was first interested in becoming an EMT a couple of years ago. I went and got my EMR training, not sure if its different in the U.S, I believe it is, but its basically that to basic to paramedic up here. I was really into it but fell into a deep depression and was diagnosed with clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder the following months after my course.
Its been 2 years and I don't know where the time went. It has been spent trying to heal, I've been living in my head for so long I feel damaged.
Back when I got my EMR, seeing gross things and thinking of accidents and what not didn't phase me. The fact that I was going to be doing something important engulfed that feeling and its as if it didn't exist. I was good to go.
Now, I'm not sure if its because I'm older, or because my anxiety and depression has left me like this but thinking of people in accidents and thinking of people who would otherwise live a full life dying in my hands makes my anxiety go through the roof. I'm a different person. I feel if I'm to see that sort of stuff I won't be able to help but think about the same thing happening to my family. This might be a red flag - don't be an emt right? The thing is that the job is calling to me. I WANT to work in EMS, I just don't want to get there and hurt my mental state. Part of me thinks that if I start working within EMS, I will face my fears - and my anxiety will go away. I will feel useful. My whole life I've just wanted to be part of something. The question is will this counteract the things I see enough to make me a viable emt? I feel like the fact that I'll have some control over a situation will settle me down.
I remember during my time of mental anguish I was up at about 2 or 3 am because I couldn't sleep due to my thoughts, I heard my dad choking, I got up and was automatically giving abdominal thrusts. It turned out he was only choking on his spit, but he's getting old and I thought the worst, along with him believing the worst at the time. I went back to bed and fell right asleep. It was almost like the fact that I controlled the situation healed me for the night.
I'm a controlling person, admittedly, and working in EMS - I know I wouldn't be able to save the world, but I will have some control over it. I turn on the news and I see bad thigns happening, I can't even watch the news anymore because all it is is feeding me these bad happenings and I feel powerless. If I'm out there I feel like I'll be doing something positive... but this is the gamble. Will I really feel alright, or will it make my fear worse?
Anyways, this is getting a bit long winded - I guess my question is the following: Did any of you EMT's/Paramedics experience this sort of mental anguish before and during your time as a part of EMS? Was it not as bad as it seemed? Did it actually help your anxiety to work within EMS?
Am I completely a no go for this type of job?
Its been 2 years and I don't know where the time went. It has been spent trying to heal, I've been living in my head for so long I feel damaged.
Back when I got my EMR, seeing gross things and thinking of accidents and what not didn't phase me. The fact that I was going to be doing something important engulfed that feeling and its as if it didn't exist. I was good to go.
Now, I'm not sure if its because I'm older, or because my anxiety and depression has left me like this but thinking of people in accidents and thinking of people who would otherwise live a full life dying in my hands makes my anxiety go through the roof. I'm a different person. I feel if I'm to see that sort of stuff I won't be able to help but think about the same thing happening to my family. This might be a red flag - don't be an emt right? The thing is that the job is calling to me. I WANT to work in EMS, I just don't want to get there and hurt my mental state. Part of me thinks that if I start working within EMS, I will face my fears - and my anxiety will go away. I will feel useful. My whole life I've just wanted to be part of something. The question is will this counteract the things I see enough to make me a viable emt? I feel like the fact that I'll have some control over a situation will settle me down.
I remember during my time of mental anguish I was up at about 2 or 3 am because I couldn't sleep due to my thoughts, I heard my dad choking, I got up and was automatically giving abdominal thrusts. It turned out he was only choking on his spit, but he's getting old and I thought the worst, along with him believing the worst at the time. I went back to bed and fell right asleep. It was almost like the fact that I controlled the situation healed me for the night.
I'm a controlling person, admittedly, and working in EMS - I know I wouldn't be able to save the world, but I will have some control over it. I turn on the news and I see bad thigns happening, I can't even watch the news anymore because all it is is feeding me these bad happenings and I feel powerless. If I'm out there I feel like I'll be doing something positive... but this is the gamble. Will I really feel alright, or will it make my fear worse?
Anyways, this is getting a bit long winded - I guess my question is the following: Did any of you EMT's/Paramedics experience this sort of mental anguish before and during your time as a part of EMS? Was it not as bad as it seemed? Did it actually help your anxiety to work within EMS?
Am I completely a no go for this type of job?
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