Being an EMT and married

[mycrofft]

Married and still at it 34 yrs later

Firefighter years 2 through 5. EMT years 4 through 11. Military years 1.5 through 23 (four years active, three months Desert Storm stateside, eighteen yrs reserve). 23 years as a nurse.

So...rule 1 is your marriage or partnership has to come first. One bad back injury, ethical slip, or other poor luck/action, and EMS is gone. Too old...gone. Get burned out...gone. Marriage: if you're lucky and work at it sometimes, for the rest of your lives.
Besides, did you take an oath to honor til death EMS? No. Cherish and comfort it? No. And beleive me, it didn't do that for you.

Be clear about what you want and need to your partner/spouse, but be as sure as you can about what you want or need and have plan B ready so you can carry your weight.

 

[HokieEMT]

I am in no way a married man or a family man seeing that I am 20 and still in college but I can share my observations as a kid in a house where both parents are medical professionals. My dad is a former career FF/PM and now a Emergency Medicine PA of almost 10 years. My mom is an RN having done numerous nursing fields. It seemed to make life easier for them since they could both talk about their days and understand each other while me and my sis were left with blank stares. It is very demanding on a family, but my mom found a remedy to that by making frequent visits with us to the station for dinner or just to spend time together. My dad's last year in the department we spent part of Christmas Day at the station playing a new board game. Now that my dad has moved into the private sector life has become less hectic and for the first time in 24 yrs of marriage my parents were able to sleep with each other every night of a month. So yeah it can be very taxing on a family and marriage but as long as you have found the right one it will all work out in the end.

 

[HokieEMT]

Another addition. Being in a family like mine afforded quite a few opportunities to be witness to some extraordinary things. I was at the airshow at Martin State Airport when the F-117 lost a part of its wing and crashed. The reason I was there was because my day had picked up duty at the Airshow and I was standing right next to my dad with my mom and sis when it happened and my dad just kissed my mom bye and rushed off to do his job. If you want more of the story just PM me, but I would have never been there had it not been for my dad being in the Fire Department.

 

[mycrofft]

Hokie, we don't think about our kids in this. Thanks!!

.............

 

[BossyCow]

It doesn't matter if your SO is in the same field as long as you are on the same page with the need to discuss or not discuss work issues. If you want your SO to be interested in what you do, stop first and ask yourself if you are interested in what they do.

It's not as important to be able to sense that your partner is mad at you as it is being willing to sit down and figure out what about that topic has them mad. Typical exchange is the whacker who comes back from every call and regales the spouse with "How cool" all this was and how much blood and guts and details about who did what and how. Spouse gets upset... whacker assumes.. 'she hates it when I talk about EMS' when the whole issue may have been that she was up with the baby, or trying to get the kids off to school and the EMS show was just being put on at the wrong time.

EMS can be very exciting. Marriage has a lot of very boring, unexciting, obligations associated with it. We need to make sure that all the excitement isn't devoted to EMS and all the boring put to the marriage. I'm going on 26 years with my FF/EMT-P husband. I survived his whacker phase and then he endured mine. But our success in our marriage has very little to do with our mutual participation in EMS. It has to do with us being friends who like to spend time with each other.

 

[ErinCooley]

Its been quite a challenge for us.

I was a stay at home mom and wife for all of our 7 year marriage before going on an ambulance. My hubby has become Mr. Mom 1/3 of the time. We have a core respect and love that has gotten us this far (I'm 7 months into my job) we dont talk about my job much, but more importantly, we trust each other.

 

[rjz]

I married into the profession.

Thank-god. My wife grew up in the house of a forest service FF. Her dad was gone most of the summer and she understands. My wife also spent a season as a CDF FF and was a "whacker" right along with me when we got out of high school and became vollies together. We have been married 7 years now been hanging out for 3 additonal years. She stays home with the kids now and understands that I work extra to keep her home. She is truely my best friend and we talk about everything. I always make an attempt to let her tell me about her day before I tell her about mine. My wife and two kids are # 1 and everything else comes after that.

Check out the movie "Fire Proof" it is about a failing marriage in emergency services and the things that partners have to do to make each other happy. The in station scenes are OK. I had to commit to my wife not to tear the movie apart from a tech. side in order to see it. I am glad we did and I can honestly say that our marriage is better since we saw it.

with some good luck and a lot of hard work marriage can work.

 

[AMPEMT85]

two in, two out

I'm engaged to a long time volunteer and seasonal ff/EMT. we met when I took my EMT class and started hanging out when I came back to help teach the class with him the next semester. We've been friends since 2007 and seemed to have both decided that our relationships with other people weren't going anywhere. He is supporting me emotionally through the process of getting through the county volunteer fire academy (my parents aren't), and I love hearing about his fire calls in CDF and his EMT calls too.

We both have a passion for helping other people, that's why I fell for him...and his sick sense of humor that is very much like mine. We know that when he goes to paramedic school it'll be tough, especially since we're just starting out, but we have faith that everything will work out if we just stick together and plan ahead.

I think it's important that I have someone at home who I can talk to about a difficult call that will understand what I'm feeling and I know how important that is to him too and I'm more than willing to help him through anything.

I enjoyed reading this thread, it helped reassure me that even though fire/EMS service is tough, it doesn't have to make your marriage suffer, as long as you're understanding and communicate. I'm ready to spend my life with him...and I know he can't wait to finally tie the knot!
We always say two in, two out. We go into this together and we're not going out alone, no matter what it takes, we'll make it through anything together.

^_^

 

[aussieemt1980]

I have a wife, 2 kids, work as an ambo and I am studying at uni, so I can get very busy. The best advice I can give is to try and include your wife in your work life as much as possible, tell her about your day, the people that you helped and the bad calls. I have found that I need a family to bounce my day off as it is a great debriefing method and gives your wife a way to relate to your work life.

If you have a bad call, get help for it and dont take it home as baggage. I leave my work in the locker when ever I can and dont take it out on the family!

 

[Tincanfireman]

In the 28 years my dear wife and I have been together, I have been affiliated with 10 different fire departments, a volunteer rescue squad and 2 EMS providers (911 and convalescent). I was career Air Force Fire Protection, then I retired and went right back into airport firefighting, as well as a part time EMS gig. In that time, I have had hundreds of co-workers, responses, and experiences. The only constant in my life has been the love of that woman. Keep your priorities straight, and you'll have a similar story to tell a young married EMT in a few decades from now. Yes, I have been blessed, and I know it...

 

[awhiting]

Communication is KEY!

Talking about it with your significant other is crucial. I decided almost a year ago to start this whirlwind carreer path. I made sure we had an understanding and that she was totally onboard prior to me making the commitment. So far so good....I've done EMT, volunteer fire acadamey/probie year, and paramedic school (13 weeks in) in the span of 8 months with a newborn (not so much a newborn now).

We've had out moments but make sure nothing stays "bottled up" if you know what I mean.

Hope things are going good.