a female perspective, please

[yogakat]

i'm looking to start training in may (fingers crossed). 39 year old female, married 16 years, no kids. i'd like to hear from any other girls out there the brutally honest truth about how it is for females in this field and how it has affected any long term relationships you have (or had...).

i've gotten one reply on this earlier in another post (thank you for that...i'd rather hear the truth than have rose colored glasses) and am looking for other opinions and experiences.

any guys out there...i's also appreciate hearing your take on how the women you work/have worked with fare in this field as it relates to their personal lives.

i've got no fear of hard work, just want to know what personal implications there could be. i've heard both sides and am trying to get as realistic a picture as possible.

 

[reaper]

Women in EMS only agencies have no problems. You may run into some in Fire, that have it tough.

As long as your husband can handle you working long hours and is not jealous of you working with male partners, then you will have no problems.

 

[LucidResq]

I think some women come into this field expecting discrimination and change their behavior in preparation. I have definitely seen a few women "overcompensate" and try hard to be more masculine or put up a "touch b****" persona and it's really obvious and lame. Honestly, I have yet to face any discrimination, difficulties, or anything due to my gender; nor have I seen it happen to any other females I know. Obviously, I recognize that this is not the case in every agency or individual in EMS and that there are many women out there that have struggled with discrimination.

Granted, some of the guys that I am close with will give me :censored::censored::censored::censored: and tell me to "get back to the kitchen and make me a sammich," but it's all in good fun and doesn't bother me. I give them :censored::censored::censored::censored: for being skinny or Asian or old or whatever. I would tell them if their woman jokes were offending me and I know that they would respect my feelings. You need to have a tough skin in this field, regardless of your gender. And if something is bothering you, you also need to have the maturity to speak up.

As far as relationships go, I did have some major issues with my ex-boyfriend, whom I was with for 3 years. He was pretty jealous and uncomfortable with me being in such close quarters with so many young, single men. Being on call for SAR 24/7/365 was also pretty straining on our relationship. Many intimate moments were abruptly interrupted by the beep of my pager.

In retrospect, the relationship was doomed. My involvement in this field just killed it faster. It seems to me that as long as your relationship is solid from the get-go and you are both willing to work hard to resolve the issues that will arise, everything will be fine.

 

[DevilDuckie]

Never get married.

 

[Second]

Never get married.

I'm starting to learn that!

 

[smvde]

Best advice I can give goes for both male and female. Simple advice really.

Keep your pants on at work, or if you prefer, never get your honey where you get your money.

Too often I've seen EMT students and new hires who immediatly try to screw everyone at the station. Sort of like badge bunnies do with police.

You are here to work, not here for sex and romance.

As for discrimination against female partners, I don't care if you are male or female, white, black or any other color, you can even burn candles to satan as long as you can do your job.

I've seen some females who think that by virtue of their gender that they shouldn't have to lift the patients, or do anything else that requires effort, which is not acceptable. If you hire on to do the job, then do it.

There are those cavemen who will be there to leer and make suggestive comments, but to be honest, there are women in EMS that do the same. Take them for what they are, idiots.

Good luck.

 

[medic417]

As a man I have no problem working with any one if they can do their job which includes lifting. Male or female you can't do your job I will run you off.

The only women looked down on or treated badly are the ones that try to fit in by fitting in everybody in the station in a sexual way, some even don't care male or female. They may enjoy the initial attn but they are never respected and never make it.

If you are married does your husband understand you will be alone with a male partner for hours possibly days in high stress situations? If he is the jealous type you will have trouble.

 

[CAOX3]

Best advice I can give goes for both male and female. Simple advice really.

Keep your pants on at work, or if you prefer, never get your honey where you get your money.


Good luck.

Well what fun would that be

Seriously I have had female partners for the last ten years. I actually enjoy it, they have a much better bedside manner then me.

They can relate to some female complaints better then me, and it comforting sometimes for female pts to have a female to discuss things with.

Seems to be a win win situation.

 

[jochi1543]

Granted, I have only been in this field for like half a year, but I've never encountered any situation at work where I felt my being female was of any relevance. Well, actually, once we got dispatched to a domestic violence call, I hopped on as a driver/extra help, but the 2 guys said I may need to attend instead if the victim is more comfortable with a female there. That was the only time my gender was even brought up (and no, the woman didn't care, so my 2 male partners attended and I drove).

I've had a LOT more problems in an office environment.

 

[PotatoMedic]

My personal opinion (which is more geared towards the firefighter side) is that if they pass the test, get hired, make it through academy then I don't care what they are. I will give them my respect till their personality dictates otherwise.

 

[piranah]

i love having female partners they give me relationship advice and are my "man behind enemy lines" about inside info on good presents

 

[BossyCow]

I've worked in jobs my whole life that were not traditional female type jobs. If you are good at what you do, have a relatively healthy emotional perspective, a good maturity level and some professional ethics, you are going to do well no matter what line of work you are in.

There are jerks out there. The co-workers who give other people crap about their gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, politics, choice in automobiles, eye color, choice in hair style, and various other criteria may show up in your workplace. They are morons and they are in the minority. Ignore them, everyone else does.

If you read into simple teasing and normal workplace B.S. that its based on racism, sexism, or any of the many other 'isms' you will find evidence to support that chip on your shoulder. If you understand that sometimes people are insensitive without meaning to, you will do fine.

As to a relationship, the biggest hurdle is the time involved. You will eat many dinners alone. I've been with my husband for over 25 years. We are both in EMS. I know of many long marriages between EMS professionals. In every case, both partners are fairly strong willed, independent people. The marriages I've seen fall apart have generally been those where the non-EMS partner falls apart during the time where the spouse is on shift. A relationship with someone who is gone for long periods of time, is only going to work if the one at home has plenty of self directed activities to keep them going.

My husband and I were friends for several years before we started dating. We knew each other through previous relationships. When our relationship hits one of those nasty patches, we have that friendship to fall back on until the road smooths back out. We genuinely like each other.

If your relationship is strong, it will do fine. If it isn't, the stress of EMS will show you those areas where you need work. It can be done, but its work and a lot of people (roughly 50% according to statistics) don't feel its worth working on. You get to pick which side of that statistic you choose to live.

 

[Kookaburra]

The entire medic unit in my town is female. They even adopted Rosie the Riveter as a mascot.

And thank you to the OP for posting this. I've been lurking for awhile here, and have been wondering the same things.

 

[AJ Hidell]

I honestly do not see much trouble for females in EMS anymore. I haven't since the mid 80s, actually. There are jerks out there who do not like working with women, just like there are jerks out there who dislike working with other groups of people too. That's life. But it isn't a major factor in EMS as a whole these days. Although, your organisation may differ and turn out to be seriously misogynistic. You just never know.

If you run into problems getting along with someone, do not immediately jump to the conclusion that it is because you are female. Don't automatically be a victim. Find out the problem and work on fixing it. He may just not like rookies in general. He may not like people who went to the school you went to. He may have had an ex wife with hair like yours. You just never know. But most of the time, if you are willing to be the adult, you can work it out.

One problem I do often see with women entering the field is not at work, but at home. Especially women who have been married for awhile. And double especially if you have not been working up to this point. If you have been a stay-at-home mom for these years, and you suddenly are going to be spending a lot of time away from home, that is naturally going to cause resentment from your spouse. And EMS is generally much worse than any other job you could have taken because it involves long, unpredictable hours. Your husband is going to be coming home to a table with no dinner prepared on it, and clothes that never got washed, after you leading him to expect that for the last sixteen years. You are changing. You are breaking the deal. And this is often not well received by a spouse.

To compound the problem, n00bs to EMS -- unlike other jobs -- are generally way too gung ho about it and immerse themselves in the EMS "lifestyle", wearing their spouses out with stories that they have no interest in. And all that excited interest you show in your new career is excitement he wishes were reserved for him. So you can go on and on about it, and spend a lot of time at home wearing a uniform that he finds wholly unattractive on you, listening to the scanner all day long, and feed the resentment he feels for your new passion, or you can keep your mouth shut and feed the resentment you feel for him not being supportive. Either way, resentment grows, and so does unhappiness in the relationship. Seen it a thousand times.

So, how to avoid that? Simple. Remember this: EMS is not a lifestyle. It is not a hobby. It's not a calling. It is a job. Period. A low paying, lowly trained grunt job that most people have too much self respect to even consider. Don't think of it as anything more, because it is not. Don't wear it on your sleeve or the bumper of your car. Don't start buying "Third Watch" DVDs. Don't nail the "EMT Prayer" on the wall. Don't start looking for volunteer opportunities. Get up, go to work, put in your hours, go home, get out of the uniform, and be a wife and mother again. Off duty is off duty. If you feel that you need to put more time in effort into it than that, well you are right. But that time and effort should be spent on furthering your education to become a true medical professional. That is something your spouse can understand and respect, because he then knows that this is a professional commitment for you, and not just a new and exciting passion that is taking attention away from him.

Other than that, don't sweat it. This is the twenty-first century. Except in rare instances, real EMS is not a good ol' boys club anymore. You'll be just fine. Good luck!

 

[Kookaburra]

I will say something I was completely shocked by. I took my very first fireteam test in another city. I was the only female testing. I'm so used to the gender parity in my own city (and my EMT-B class is about 50/50) that it took me completely by surprise. However they were all perfect gentlemen, and there were no remarks or anything made by anyone that would have made me feel uncomfortable or marginalized.

 

[Sasha]

It really all depends on you. Some women can have great relationships. Some women can't seem to find a significant other who will understand and is willing to sometimes take a back seat. If you're at work, you're at work. You can't always answer that "I was just thinking about you" phone call an you may not always be on time to anniversary dinners, etc. And some companies have policies that if there's a natural or man made disaster you're expected to be at the station, not at home with your family. Could your husband handle that? Can you?

As for the work aspect, you will run into some who don't care that your a woman, some that like it, and some that hate it. Some say we as females naturally have a better bedside manner and are better for the patients, some that say we're weak, can't lift and shouldn't be in the field and others that feel you were put there for sexual innuendos and harrasment. Even some patients! I can't tell you the number of times I've walked into a room and been asked how I intended to lift the stretcher!

The thing is, to be in EMS you can't give other people reasons to doubt you or dislike you. Don't strive to overcompensate by being a witch. Do strength training, don't be overly girly. No tight pants, keep your shirt buttoned.

Don't flirt with anyone, not even playfully flirting because it's not the place. People wont take you seriously and think you got in EMS to find a husband (or a side boyfriend) and play around and not for the patient care.

And don't tolerate sexual harrasment. If someone sexually harrasses you in EMS, report it, talk to them about it, tell them to stop. If you don't, they assume it's okay, you like it, whatever.

 

[yogakat]

lots of comments...thaks to all

hmmm...i'll try to reply to some of your thoughts here, in no particular order...

love my husband way too much to let a job get in the way...i'd have no problem walking away if i had to. he's not jealous, he just worries about me...and that's nice. more people in this world need to worry about others.

we already have schedules that don't match and haven't for many years. whoever cleans cleans, whoever does laundry does laundry, whoever does the shopping does the shopping, etc... on a side note, no self respecting person would ask me to get in the kitchen where i belong and cook...i'm a terrible cook and have no problem admiting it...not only that, i'm vegan so if i DO cook more than likely you wouldn't want to eat it ^_^

i don't take offense easily, so no problem with that...and i like to think that i can hold my own. go to far, and i have no problem dealing with that, either.

i don't mind working around lots of guys...i've been in the fitness industry for nearly 20 years, so lots of guys there both as clients and co-workers...at least as an EMT i'd be wearing more clothes <_<

i'm pretty strong already...good side effect of my job. and i routinely have to carry 40, 50 and 80 lb bags where i volunteer...and i don't need help. that said, i'm not afraid to ask when i do need it. safety, safety, safety!

i'd imagine that i could be the more difficult partner to work with...i have a very high work ethic and a low tolerance for laziness or ineptitude...i expect everyone to do their jobs. kidding around is always fun, but just make sure the job gets done...and done right. people either really like to work with me or they really hate it...not a lot of in between.

i'm not a girly girl. i like to get my hands dirty. and i like to help others. EMT sounds like the way to go!

 

[medic417]

EMT sounds like the way to go!

Well it is a start but do not settle for that. To have the greatest impact finish basic and immediatly get started on your Paramedic. You sound like the type of person that would get frustrated about not being able to do much for your patients. So get your education and have a much bigger impact on yor patients lives.

 

[AJ Hidell]

i'm not a girly girl. i like to get my hands dirty. and i like to help others. EMT sounds like the way to go!

There are a lot of ways to help others. Since you are already doing some kind of volunteer work, you obviously know that. But what I am saying is, don't choose EMS simply because it seems like an exciting way to "help" people. I don't even accept students if they can't come up with a better reason than that. That motivation wears thin pretty quickly, especially when you come to realize that you are truly "helping" very few people with anything more than a taxi ride. If you do EMS, do it because you think that the practice of medicine is simply the coolest, most intellectually stimulating thing you can think of to do with your life. In the end, that is what it is all about, and that is what will keep you happy and committed. It will also ensure that you continue your education to become the best that you can possibly be, not just another EMT with three weeks of night school.

 

[jochi1543]

Don't start buying "Third Watch" DVDs.

Haha, reading this made me laugh, one crew here just went through a 4-day Third Watch marathon...I wanted to hang myself, lol.