URGENT!!: Please help me edit this cover letter to submit in the next hour!!

[8jimi8]

Here's the text, i'll upload the file so you can see my formatting:


Mr. Gumbert and the St. David's Medical Center Emergency Department Team,

I am a full time RN on 4E at UMCB, seeking a full time position with your team in the Emergency Deparment at SDMC. Among my assets are a strong work ethic and an enormous desire to continually enhance and improve my patient care. I have accumulated extensive volunteer experience, while preparing to embark in this endeavor. I am a calm, focused, organized and detail-oriented team player. My baccalaureate degree is in psychology with a minor concentration in philosophy.
During and after college I specialized in domestic violence, crisis intervention and crisis counseling. Attributes that I will bring to the team are my diligence and passion for patient advocacy, along with a dedication to excellence and a great thirst for knowledge. For me, all of this is overshadowed by the edification that I receive from helping people. Through volunteering with the Tom Green County Sheriff's Office: Crisis Intervention Unit, I learned about my ability to remain calm during extremely trying situations. With the CIU, we responded on scene to assist law enforcement officers with victims of crime. A quick survey of my coworkers, or manager, will reveal that I have a gifted ability in developing a positive nurse/client relationship, and that I conduct and maintain detailed, vigilant assessments of all of my patients resulting in good catches and unsurpassed patient/family satisfaction.
As part of my continuing education I have earned my EMT-Basic and I am one month out from testing for my NREMT-Intermediate. I have begun the challenge process with the ACC EMT-P program and plan on entering for the spring '11 cohort. My short term goals include recertifiying in PALS, ACLS and earning new certifications in: PEPP (9/20/2010), NRP (11/2010) and EMT-P (Dec '11/May '12). My long term goals include: CEN, TNCC and after about 5 years becoming a transport/flight nurse. You will find that I am easily approachable, and that I accept and respond to feedback with enthusiasm and grace.
In conclusion, I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this. I want to emphasize that I am looking for a home. By this, I intend that I will give you a commitment for at the very least 2-3 years. I will not take this opportunity for granted and I can guarantee that I will give more than I will take from our potential relationship. I am the humble nurse who will happily: pick up your shift, volunteer to float, flip days and nights to help the schedule, do your admission, clean your patient and your room, or watch your extra patients when your priority becomes a crashing patient. All that I ask: is a chance to learn from your expertise and that you make me the provider that you have become. I am exquisitely excited to present this resume and hopeful that my experience, interests and education will make me the leading candidate for a position with your team. References are available upon request and I am available at any time by phone or email.

Respectfully,

James M Clary, RN, EMT-B

 

[Shishkabob]

I have accumulated extensive volunteer experience, while preparing to embark in this endeavor.

Get rid of the comma, you aren't separating two separate thoughts.




Looks pretty good, and I'm sure some of the spacing just got screwed up in the copy over.


You got it!

 

[firetender]

Approved!

Good work; good luck!

 

[abckidsmom]

On first glance, I was going to say, "Hey that's WAY too many words for a cover letter."

Then I read it. If they read the letter, you should be hired. Oh, to have a person like that on the team!

 

[8jimi8]

Thanks y'all! Here's the final version:


St. David's Medical Center Emergency
Austin, TX


Dear Mr. Gumbert:

I am seeking a full time position with your team in the Emergency Department at SDMC. I am a full time RN on 4E at UMCB and have accumulated extensive volunteer experience in preparation for this endeavor. I am a calm, focused, organized and detail-oriented team player with a strong work ethic and an enormous desire to continually enhance and improve my patient care. My baccalaureate degree is in psychology with a minor concentration in philosophy.

During and after college I specialized in domestic violence, crisis intervention and crisis counseling. Attributes that I will bring to the team are my diligence and passion for patient advocacy, along with a dedication to excellence and a great thirst for knowledge.

Through volunteering with the Tom Green County Sheriff's Office’s Crisis Intervention Unit, I learned about my ability to remain calm during extremely trying situations. With the CIU, we responded on scene to assist law enforcement officers with victims of crime in need of community and psychosocial resources. You will find that I am easily approachable, and that I accept and respond to feedback with enthusiasm and grace. A quick survey of my coworkers, or manager, will reveal that I have a gifted ability in developing a positive nurse/client relationship, and that I conduct and maintain detailed, vigilant assessments of all of my patients resulting in good catches and unsurpassed patient/family satisfaction. Conducting my practice as such has made my experience as a Registered Nurse the most edifying aspect of my life.

As part of my continuing education I have earned my EMT-Basic and I am one month out from testing for my NREMT-Intermediate. I have begun the challenge process with the ACC EMT-P program and plan on entering for the spring '11 cohort. My short term goals include recertifying in PALS, ACLS and earning new certifications in: PEPP (9/20/2010), NRP (11/2010) and EMT-P (Dec '11/May '12). My long term goals include: CEN, TNCC and after about 5 years becoming a transport/flight nurse.

I am looking for a home and will give you whatever long-term commitment that you need. I won’t take this opportunity for granted and I will endeavor to give more than I take from our relationship. I strive to be the humble nurse who will happily pick up a shift, volunteer to float, flip days and nights to help the schedule, do your admission history, clean your patient and your room, or watch your extra patients when your priority becomes a crashing patient. All that I ask is a chance to learn from your expertise and that you make me the provider that you have become. I am excited to present this resume and hopeful that my experience, interests and education will make me the leading candidate for a position with your team. References are available upon request and I am available at any time by phone or email.

All the Best,

 

[Akulahawk]

8jimi8: the first letter was a bit rambling. It had all the info... but it needed clarification. Your final version, I like very much. Each paragraph has it's own purpose and doesn't detract from the others. Well done! I hope that this, your resume, and your reputation as a Nurse all comes together to provide you the opportunity you seek.

 

[CAOX3]

Im sold, your hired.

Good luck.