Touchy Feely Warm&Fuzzy EMS

[BossyCow]

Okay, this is more of a rant than a question. I just had something gel that has been percolating around in my brain for some time. I read yet another post about... "Oh.. you are not being very nice to someone who is really trying to do a good thing.... " and quite frankly it makes me want to lose my lunch!

Now I admit that I'm not the warmest fuzziest person in the forum. But when did a desire for competence get confused with a lack of compassion? In order to give compassionate care to our pts, we need to be ruthless in our pursuit of excellence within our academics, education and our selection of co-workers. I recall a conversation with the outgoing Regional Trauma Council Educational Rep regarding her replacement. "You'll really like him.. he's a really nice guy" and quite frankly, since I've had a long standing relationship with honesty and a tentative relationship with tact, I replied.. "Quite frankly I don't care how nice he is. Is he efficient?" Unfortunately I found that he wasn't that efficient and after failing to adequately provide documentation, educational materials and being very difficult to contact for about a year and a half, he moved on to some other poor system.

Now don't get me wrong. I believe as an educator that its important to encourage students and to wrap a negative in a positive. To work towards problem solving, to avoid setting people up for failure and to support those who are seriously working towards a goal. But honestly folks.. don't you appreciate being told what you are doing that isn't working? Or do you want to keep yourself in that hole; digging away? I personally respect someone who can be honest enough with me to tell me what I'm not doing well. Because if I'm not aware I can't fix it.

I have friends and family to pat me on the back, compliment me and tell me how wonderful I am. I also have dogs who provide me with unconditional love and hero worship. I do not need this from those I work with. Empty praise and constant nattering on about how wonderful we all are has in my opinion become hollow.

If just doing our jobs makes us heros, what happens when we do something exceptional? How do those who are exceptional stand out when everyone is told how exceptional they are? Why do some of you leap to the defense of someone who is being made to face some truths about themselves and this line of work? Being supportive is great.. but come on... if you can't face a harsh truth here and just let it go and move on with your life, how difficult is EMS going to be on your sensitive nature?

Personally, I'll save the warm and fuzzy for my patients. I don't expect it from my co-workers, nor do I lavish it upon them. But when I do give a compliment, they know its sincere and they went way above and beyond.. and ya know what.. that's something to take pride in.

 

[traumateam1]

Just last night...

I have friends and family to pat me on the back, compliment me and tell me how wonderful I am. I also have dogs who provide me with unconditional love and hero worship. I do not need this from those I work with. Empty praise and constant nattering on about how wonderful we all are has in my opinion become hollow.

I just had this argument I guess you could say with my girlfriend last night. I was telling her about the courses I wanted to take in the next year and how I wanted to become more efficient and better at what I do. She told me that I was "amazing" and was already "the best". Now.. I understand she is trying to be nice, and compliment my skills. I told her that I was NOT the best, nor was I amazing at what I do. This caused a huge debate. She went on telling me how I am good and why I should believe so, and I told her why I didn't think so and why I wouldn't accept it. And here is why:

1. In my opinion when someone starts thinking they are amazing at their job, and they think they are the best thing since sliced bread, you lose the will to learn and be able to accept constructive criticism. This is of course deadly to the p/ts and makes it hard to work with the person suffering from the ParaGod syndrome. I've seen it many times and it all starts with "you know what.. I am the best" or "you know what.. I am amazing". Now don't get this confused with self confidence!! YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! If you don't, your p/t care will be c***. But there IS a difference between being self confident and being egotistical. So watch out, be self confident but not egotistical and a "know it all".
   
2. When you think you are the best you get an attitude and a syndrome we all know as ParaGod syndrome. That being you think you are better than all your partners, you know it all, and you don't need to continue your education. BIG MISTAKE - and that is one reason why I don't chose to believe I am the best and amazing. I WILL accept the odd form of praise from my family (mom, gf, etc) and family.. BUT I will not accept every little bit.

So, be careful when accepting praise from others. Keep it to a minimum, if necessary (like with my gf) "accept" it to make her happy but don't take it all to heart. Know that you AREN'T the best, there IS more to learn and you will NEVER know it all.

 

[JPINFV]

In my opinion when someone starts thinking they are amazing at their job, and they think they are the best thing since sliced bread,

[derail]
Little know fact. Chuck Norris is not the best thing since sliced bread. Despite coming first, sliced bread is the best thing since Chuck Norris. [/derail]

I completely agree with Bossy. Touchy feelyness has no place in any work place. Either something is being done correctly (even if it is differently. Included in this is the "good enough" category), or it is not. I work under the ideal that you can't fix something that you don't know is wrong or broken. How else is someone going to know if they are wrong if they aren't told about it. Now this doesn't permit a lack of tact, but even in medicine (an art as much as it is a science), there are still black and white categories. There is still right ways and wrong ways. And just because your aunt's boyfriend's cousin's best friends mother-in-law who happens to be an [basic, medic, MD, PhD, etc] tells him something doesn't necessarily make it correct. Tradition isn't a justification for anything either.

 

[BossyCow]

I actually read an article regarding the 'positive reinforcement' being done in schools that when the kids are constantly told how incredible they are, that they learn to expect constant reinforcement, and negate real true praise. I know what I do well. I'm pretty confident in the skills I possess. I also know where my not-so-wonderful areas are.. does this make me a bad person lacking in self confidence because I know I'm not perfect and there is room for improvement? Heck no! I don't compliment unless I truly am impressed!

 

[mycrofft]

Are we talking about "here" or real life? (Just my take on this)

(Put down the pitchforks, you guys).
The forum just does not offer the depth of input I need to shoot anyone, so I may be a little more smiley than elsewhere.
I think you have to be flexible in how you approach things, but I do know it is not kind to the student as well as the customers if you spoonfeed them along when no improvement is in sight.
Personally, when I've failed, sometimes it was due to my not being recognized as having worth duie to prejudice or my not playing the political games, but sometimes it was because at that point in time I didn't have what it took.

 

[Ridryder911]

There is a difference from positive reinforcement and "touchy feely givings. Personally, I don;t believe there is not enough "atta boys" out there. Yet, this not to say those that one should not be responsible for what is required or have to be continuously promoted and encouraged to do what they are supposed to do, without additional encouragement.

One can only truly say that they develop a deep self confidence when one realizes that they have performed the job flawless and the best they could without any special recognition. This type of self learning and self recognition is what professional medics develop to make them last. No one will be in this business more than a few months or years if they expect or need consistent reinforcement.

In regards to be amazing at their job.. I do. Now, with that saying, it is amazing I still have such an interest and desire to still be the best I can be, to realize that I will personally achieve to the level I desire to be. In reality, probably will never but that's okay.. yet, that drive keeps me in check.

There is a fine line between cockiness and confidence. I realize I am competent and confident by studying and continue to do so, clinical experience to master the skills needed in this profession. As well know, it is a lifetime commitment to maintain such levels.

One should recognize one of the first things in EMS, is that it takes commitment. Know that one will always have to strive to be better, one can never be lacksadasial in nature, that it requires constant and to continuously study and practice. There is NEVER an idle minute.

R/r 911

 

[ffemt8978]

As the EMS Training Officer for my department, I make it a point to give out atta boys to all of our personnel when warranted because we don't get enough thanks in our jobs.

But I immediately follow it with the question of "What could we have done different or better?" Just because somebody did a good job doesn't mean it was an acceptable job. We should always be striving to improve ourselves, and we can always learn something from every call.

 

[mycrofft]

Inflation of praise

The language has become "inflated", now "awesome!" means the same as "right on!", and if I hear the words "Oh My GOD!!!" squealed one more time I'm gonna drain my Zoll's batteries into them as I chase em down the street. AND...and, if you try to make an uninflated, un- gushy recomendation or praise, it's interpreted as being cold, or halfhearted.

We had a fire chief who never put anyone in for decorations or awards. "It's part of your job". It held airmen back from being promoted or having at least something besides the ubiquitous "Good Conduct Medal" to carry away after their four years were up. My best material mementos from my military time were the results of thankful cohorts who took the time and money to make it happen.

 

[sixmaybemore]

I actually read an article regarding the 'positive reinforcement' being done in schools that when the kids are constantly told how incredible they are, that they learn to expect constant reinforcement, and negate real true praise.

Alfie Kohn has some excellent materials on this very topic.

Personally, I prefer to speak from the heart, and instead of saying "good job", use actual words about how I feel about the situation. This works for positive or negative. Using observations instead of judgments can let you say how you feel, without the generic "good job" that feels so hollow or a "you suck" that can be demeaning.

 

[BossyCow]

As the EMS Training Officer for my department, I make it a point to give out atta boys to all of our personnel when warranted because we don't get enough thanks in our jobs.

But I immediately follow it with the question of "What could we have done different or better?" Just because somebody did a good job doesn't mean it was an acceptable job. We should always be striving to improve ourselves, and we can always learn something from every call.

Okay, this is exactly my point I have been told that when I do that, it 'takes away' from the feeling of satisfaction of a job well done. That by implying that something could have been done better, you are saying they did something wrong. I've even tried bracketing the what could we have done better with two positive comments about the call, but I still am seen as a meanie.

 

[41 Duck]

Fine, then. Be a meanie... doesn't seem like it to me, but I'm not the benchmark by which to measure, I guess, because I see nothing wrong with your approach.

Later!

--Coop

 

[triemal04]

Bossy...you owe me some money. Going to the dentist to get the teeth that were knocked out by my jaw hitting the floor replaced was not cheap. I'll expect full reimbursement soon.

There is no replacement for being proficcient at a job and performing it well. Period. Unfortunately, yes, it does seem to be somewhat common to see someone get by in a job they are unprepared for due soley to how "nice" they are. And it's disgraceful to see how often this get's ignored when it happens. Worst part is, that I'm betting that this trend will continue, and even INCREASE due to how we (as a society) are collectively raising our kids and performing as a culture; don't tell people that they are failing, don't tell them they've lost, don't tell them that they can't perform to a standard, remove competitive games, remove A-F grades, always tell someone they're great, give out hugs and kisses everyday no matter what, when someone fails ALWAYS help them and so on. The trend seems to be to consider kids (and adults) fragile little things that can't ever be told something negative, hence the above. As this continues and those kids grow up and become used to always being patted on the head and told they're doing good and never hearing anything negative, what do you suppose will happen?

Negative reinforcement does have it's place in the world. And anyone who thinks otherwise is a complete jackass who can go to hell. Being told that you are wrong, or did a poor job is nothing more than being honest with someone, and (especially in EMS given the average personality) will more than likely bother them enough that they will go out and fix it so that problem doesn't happen again. There is no need to sugarcoat everything, and to do so leads to people who expect nothing but praise and have no stake in doing their job well.

Of course, positive reinforcement also has it's place. (positive meaning NOT hugs&kisses, but simply telling someone "good job," or "you did this good for these reasons.") Newer people (in strictly the EMS setting) make mistakes. Happens to everyone. But, if all they hear is negative, it's easy to get discouraged. Hearing a small attaboy for doing something right in that situation is wrong, and will pay off. That's not to say that need's to continue throughout their career; simply doing your job well doesn't neccasarily mean that you should be getting praise (though sometimes it does). Doing something out of the ordinary, or above and beyond does.

Far as your being considered a meanie...why? Or better yet, why let it bother you? What you're doing is appropriate, neccasary even, so it should continue. If the people that think that are unable to understand why it's happening, all it says is something about them, why they are in this line of work, and what kind of career/life they've got ahead of them. Explain yourself to them, but if that doesn't solve the problem...do you really think that someone like that is worth getting upset over?

 

[Oregon]

You make me feel better about being "the mean one" of the assistants and proctors in our EMT program.
We grade with a check, check plus and a check minus (and no pass) you really have to impress the heck out of me to get a check plus. I rarely give them out.
I grade the way I was taught...outstanding work is rewarded, and sub-par work is quickly pointed out and corrected. In a nice way, but the class I assist in, there is no easy A. Or B. It might blow your GPA, but I trust the EMTs who get through the class.

 

[EMTCop86]

If I am doing something wrong then I want someone to correct me and not sugar coat it. I agree there are not enough "ata boys" but then again if you are in the EMS field to be a hero or to get your back patted all the time then you are probably in it for the wrong reasons.

 

[BossyCow]

LOL.. this is funny. All those who agree with me are right in there with the comments. The comments I'm not seeing are those who disagree. The ones who post in defense of the poor slob being told to consider another career option, those who leap to the defense of an OP who wanted to be told that sure, you can sure pass the NREMT on your fifth try without studying and its probably your instructor's fault.

Where are you folks? You obviously have some thoughts on the matter or is your deep seated need to have everyone 'get along and not fight' keeping you from expressing your opinions on this matter. The thick skinned such as myself have posted that we really want to hear when we are wrong.. but those who disagree with us have refrained en masse from posting on this thread. Please, if you want us to understand your point of view on this, now is the time!