habibti74
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I've been struggling with this for a few months and could use some unbiased opinions. Of course I can't tell all the details in a public forum, so if you think you could help me more specifically send me a private message and maybe we could email about this issue.
I have been in EMS since 1995. EMTB-95, EMT-I 96, RN 2002 working in Emergency, PHRN 2012 and working in EMS since then. I feel confident in my abilities. I take pride in my work, and I like my job.
Back in January, my partner and I responded to a call for a full arrest - there were two FD crews on scene first plus a fire chief - probably 11 people in all. I appreciate the work they did prior to our arrival on scene, it probably contributed to the ROSC for the patient. However, as the transporting agency and the most senior member, once I got on scene, it's supposed to be my patient. When I asked my partner to do something simple they started yelling at me and it was very confrontational. I ended up backing down and basically letting them run the show because to me, the most important part is the patient care and in the end, we did get the ROSC for the patient. My company however thought I was not being assertive enough.
A few months later they ended up putting a third person on our truck (a paramedic), and putting me on "probationary" status until we had a full arrest, wanting me to "prove" I could be assertive on calls. He rode with us for 6 weeks. I know people were talking behind my back - what did she do, why is he on her truck, etc etc - though no one ever directly asked me. Now I'm not eligible for a raise, not eligible for a bonus, can't work overtime, etc.
The thing is - I think there's a huge difference between being not the most assertive person, and not knowing what I'm doing. If I was breaching protocols, different story. Being quiet is just a personality trait and after all these years, my personality hasn't changed. This is who I was when they hired me. Me being more quiet has never been an issue. I really felt like the FD was bullying me - I don't know if it was because of our company that they had a problem with, because I was the only woman, because they know I'm more quiet - I have no idea.
Now I feel it's impossible to "get back" from being talked about. It's gotten to the point I feel I am walking on eggshells all the time. I get complaints from my boss that this person and that person are saying things about how I did this or that - which I don't feel is justified. Me and sometimes my partner as well have gotten written up 3 times since this probation period ended for stupid stuff that I honestly don't feel was my fault. I feel like I'm being targeted. I feel like they are trying to build a case to fire me.
I can't move out of the area, I'm underwater with my mortgage, and I really like pre-hospital so much more than in-hospital. I don't want to quit. I have felt like as long as I know my protocols, do a good job and work hard, I should be able to overcome this but it's getting more and more frustrating.
Any advice? How do you get back from feeling like people are watching you all the time?
As I said, I could share more details but don't want to do so in a public forum.
I have been in EMS since 1995. EMTB-95, EMT-I 96, RN 2002 working in Emergency, PHRN 2012 and working in EMS since then. I feel confident in my abilities. I take pride in my work, and I like my job.
Back in January, my partner and I responded to a call for a full arrest - there were two FD crews on scene first plus a fire chief - probably 11 people in all. I appreciate the work they did prior to our arrival on scene, it probably contributed to the ROSC for the patient. However, as the transporting agency and the most senior member, once I got on scene, it's supposed to be my patient. When I asked my partner to do something simple they started yelling at me and it was very confrontational. I ended up backing down and basically letting them run the show because to me, the most important part is the patient care and in the end, we did get the ROSC for the patient. My company however thought I was not being assertive enough.
A few months later they ended up putting a third person on our truck (a paramedic), and putting me on "probationary" status until we had a full arrest, wanting me to "prove" I could be assertive on calls. He rode with us for 6 weeks. I know people were talking behind my back - what did she do, why is he on her truck, etc etc - though no one ever directly asked me. Now I'm not eligible for a raise, not eligible for a bonus, can't work overtime, etc.
The thing is - I think there's a huge difference between being not the most assertive person, and not knowing what I'm doing. If I was breaching protocols, different story. Being quiet is just a personality trait and after all these years, my personality hasn't changed. This is who I was when they hired me. Me being more quiet has never been an issue. I really felt like the FD was bullying me - I don't know if it was because of our company that they had a problem with, because I was the only woman, because they know I'm more quiet - I have no idea.
Now I feel it's impossible to "get back" from being talked about. It's gotten to the point I feel I am walking on eggshells all the time. I get complaints from my boss that this person and that person are saying things about how I did this or that - which I don't feel is justified. Me and sometimes my partner as well have gotten written up 3 times since this probation period ended for stupid stuff that I honestly don't feel was my fault. I feel like I'm being targeted. I feel like they are trying to build a case to fire me.
I can't move out of the area, I'm underwater with my mortgage, and I really like pre-hospital so much more than in-hospital. I don't want to quit. I have felt like as long as I know my protocols, do a good job and work hard, I should be able to overcome this but it's getting more and more frustrating.
Any advice? How do you get back from feeling like people are watching you all the time?
As I said, I could share more details but don't want to do so in a public forum.
