I had my first code as an EMT-b yesterday. It was my third shift as a volunteer. As there were many other providers present on scene I didn't actually get hands on with the pt but I watched the whole thing. I thought I'd be more excited for a first code but I dreaded it from the moment we got the call. Newborn, cyanotic and lifeless. I guess I'll feel more comfortable the next time I see something like that but I have to admit I felt totally helpless and worthless as an EMT. Like everything I knew just evaporated. I could have taken direction from someone (here, do two thumb compressions at a rate of 120 per minute). But I felt incapable of thinking clearly enough to volunteer my help. That's what bothers me the most about it. Obviously seeing that dead baby and knowing what his family is going through is horrible, and it's been on my mind since yesterday. But I can accept that. I can't accept feeling like this call shook me up to the point of feeling like "OMG, what do I do?" Is it normal to react that way the first time you see something like that? I never want to put a patient at risk because I get overwhelmed. Can you feel this way as a newbie and still get to the point of being a calm and competent provider? This has been the first thing to really rattle me. We dealt with a scalded 11-month old last week and I did pretty well on that, I was able to recall what I knew about burn care (for the most part). Anyway, thanks ahead of time for your thoughts.