AIDS and YOU !!

[akflightmedic]

This was an excellent article!! We have discussed this in various ways over the years on this forum and it is often the cautionary tale we "dinosaurs" try to tell the new guys/gals who always never seem to believe, or want to believe us when we share.

However, the behaviors in this article are VERY common and I personally feel there is a new generation which actually is valuing personal relations over work slightly more than my generation did. I can only encourage it when I see it. Read this article, take it to heart. It painfully rings true for myself and in many others I have seen over the years. It always leads me to ask..."Why do we do this to ourselves and why do we allow it to be done?"

http://flightsafetynet.com/ambulance-induced-divorce-syndrome-aids/

 

[mgr22]

Thanks for sharing that article -- certainly worth reading.

I'd just add that EMS isn't necessarily the biggest factor in family break-ups. Sometimes EMS contributes to the deterioration process without being the main reason for it. Getting in touch with the causes of trouble at home can take lots of thought and patience.

 

[NomadicMedic]

It's not just EMS workers. These warning signs apply to everyone, in every job.

 

[E tank]

It's not just EMS workers. These warning signs apply to everyone, in every job.

Agreed...I'll even go so far as to say that associating family/marriage problems with one's career/vocation lends itself to a kind of "martyr syndrome" where "no one understands me and my important work except the people at work" can become a mantra. It can also lead to seeking validation in others and not the spouse.

Being married isn't any harder on EMS folks than it is on anyone else. The issues, at the end of the day, are all the same. And that's why pre-marital counseling should take up at least as much time as picking out the dresses, choosing the music and catering and planning the honeymoon.

 

[akflightmedic]

Agree it is near applicable on most careers...however there is a certain caliber of person drawn to this field which then does lead to these concerns. And the career itself lends it to some of these demands with the cycles.

When was the last time an accountant got on a forum and asked a million questions about best firm to work at, in any state, willing to move if needed (you know, the advice we give to those who do)?

When does an accountant ask if there is overtime before agreeing to accept a job?

Just saying, there are factors inherent within EMS which can and do lead to or strongly contribute to the issues within the article. And they are conditions we do not have to have, we merely tolerate them because "that is the way they have always been" and then we balk at the positive changes to them if/when they are proposed.

So there is a strong Type A, Giver and occasional martyr complex at work. This is why I stated it is important to recognize these, correct yourself or correct others (if you care about them to do so) and not allow others to run down the same rabbit hole if they happen to be on that trail.

 

[akflightmedic]

Actually I think EMS allows us to "escape" any of the marriage concerns and gives us a valid excuse. What other career could you work nearly every day if you wanted? Every County or Private I worked for in the past, I KNEW if I had a day off, I would be asked to work or if I wasn't I knew I could offer and be accepted to work.

What other job allows you the ability to "escape" yet also earn at same time, thereby prompting more excuses for usage such as "we need the money", "who will do it if I don't", "if I want to advance, I need to pitch in when they have need", etc?

What spouse or family member would speak up and say "no" to any of these excuses especially when they see your obvious happiness and willingness to jump on an ambulance, make money AND help people?

Just saying...again the system itself, the career itself definitely is an enabler.

 

[AtlasFlyer]

In the airlines, it's called Aviation Induced Divorce Syndrome. The term has been used in that industry for well over 20 years.. nothing new. Similar "get away/escape to work", and being 'married' to the job type of thing. You go to work as a pilot or flight attendant you can be gone for 2 to 5 days.

 

[Seirende]

There's an incredibly simple solution to the entire problem... just stay single. Hakuna matata

 

[mgr22]

There's an incredibly simple solution to the entire problem... just stay single. Hakuna matata

I tried that. Twice. It didn't work.

 

[akflightmedic]

In the airlines, it's called Aviation Induced Divorce Syndrome. The term has been used in that industry for well over 20 years.. nothing new. Similar "get away/escape to work", and being 'married' to the job type of thing. You go to work as a pilot or flight attendant you can be gone for 2 to 5 days.

And again it is your extreme Type A persona. No?

 

[AtlasFlyer]

And again it is your extreme Type A persona. No?

It is personality, not employment. Yes.

I, myself, do not have a extreme type A persona...

 

[akflightmedic]

When I said "your", I was referencing the acronym and the example....not YOUR as in YOU personally.

But do you not see any correlation between the personality and the job?

 

[DrParasite]

I've done many of those things..... I honestly think the shift work (particularly the night shift workers) are absolutely hell on any relationship. When I worked 6pm to 6am, I would pick up every night OT shift during the week; but the weekends were our time. Nothing sucked more than doing the night to day flip, so I avoided it when I could. It's still rough never seeing your family except for a few minutes, when you are coming home and going to bed, and they are going to work.

When was the last time an accountant got on a forum and asked a million questions about best firm to work at, in any state, willing to move if needed (you know, the advice we give to those who do)?

well, I would imagine there are more accounting firms than EMS companies nationwide. I would also imagine the best accounting firms recruit from accounting schools, and if you want to work for them, you need to know someone to get in. But I also imagine there are a lot more sucky EMS companies than sucky accounting firms, at least compared to good ones in a particular area.

When does an accountant ask if there is overtime before agreeing to accept a job?

how many industries can you think of that have employees require working consistent OT a mandatory requirement to earn a decent wage?

Being married isn't any harder on EMS folks than it is on anyone else.

Respectfully disagree, to a point. Being married to someone who works in public safety, or works shift work including weekends, is much harder than two people who work bankers hours, and get to spend weekend and nights together.

But we, as an industry, aren't even in the top 10 when it comes to jobs with the highest divorce rate http://lexfridman.com/divorce-rates-by-profession/

Side note: firefighters have a divorce rate of 14.8, while fire officers have a divorce rate of 8.68. EMTs and paramedics have a divorce rate of 22.75 while
Ambulance drivers and attendants, (everyone except emergency medical technicians) are at 21.96. Nursing is 28.95 (but LPNs are at 25). Dispatchers have a rate of 23.91. Police officers have a rate of 15.01, while detectives and police supervisors have a rate of 12.75. But transit and railroad police have one of the lowest rates at 5.26. The top 3? Dancers (43.05), Bartenders, and massage therapists (both around 38).

Which leads to me ask, while no one wants to get divorced, presented with the actual numbers, is it really as big of an issue as the author makes it out to be?

 

[akflightmedic]

I think it is, but many of us are capable of viewing from only ONE perspective which is our own...

 

[Hold My Beer]

I received some sage advice from a retired LEO turned part-time EMT to fund his excess fun spending. This advice I know has been given before but the dude seemed generally very happy and had the track record of emergency service employment to back it up. He told me that you need to not only "find an escape" from the job but to also have a friend network outside of EMS / LE. He said that dong so was the most important thing which allowed him to work in the field so long. I know that 90% of my friends are either fellow medics or firefighters and when we go out much of our time is spent talking about the job. When I do spend time with friends with no affiliation to EMS I do find the time refreshing and generally work never comes up.