TTLWHKR
Forum Deputy Chief
- 3,142
- 5
- 0
1. It is not the policy of this ambulance service to “clear the room” when responding to a frequent flyer shortness of breath patient. So give the flashbang grenades back to the SWAT team and get on with your job.
2. The rule against forming a union at this service also apply to forming a guild hall.
3. Not allowed to reenact scenes from Monty Python’s Life of Brian on scene.
4. My job description does not include the charge to “winnow out the weak”. With that caveat, high explosives need not be included in the jump kit.
5. Fishnet stockings are not to be worn while on duty, even if they are not visible under my pants.
6. Not allowed to frighten livestock by “mooing” at them through the PA mike on the ambulance
7. Not allowed the Grim Reaper outfit while on duty (not even on Halloween). Or the Easter Bunny costume, or the Cupid suit, etc.
8. We do not sell advertising space on the ambulance, our uniforms or on the jump bags. We also can not drag advertising banners behind the ambulance. And yes you have to give back the money.
9. It is not the role of the service’s public information officer to tell obscene jokes in front of the press. This is why you are no longer the PIO.
10. Not allowed to diagnose psychological problems and “shallow gene pool” is not listed in the DSM-IV anyhow. Ditto for “too stupid to f---ing live”
11. “I was bored” is not an excuse for anything done in the crew quarters with a bullhorn, a goat and a storm whistle.
12. Not allowed to continue to use the Organ Procurement Organization cooler to store my lunch.
13. It is possible to consume too much coffee before going on a call.
14. When my rhythm on an EKG changes from sinus rhythm to something that the cardiologist had a hard time identifying, I have achieved #13.
15. Must leave the noble art of dentistry to professionals
16. Yes, we are professionals, but not that kind of professional.
17. The cattle prod….get rid of it NOW.
18. It is wrong to require the rookie to serve as a test subject when CCSD Deputy Best wants to try out his new super-potent pepper foam.
19. Must not require the EMT students to take a loyalty oath in German
20. Not allowed to put fake blood capsules in your mouth before walking up to a frequent flyer.
21. Must stop waving hand over psych patients and saying “The Force is strong in this one”.
22. About the battering ram, two words: BAD THEORY.
23. Must not prove the medical director or EMS supervisor wrong when they say “you wouldn’t dare!”.
24. Must not dip the ensign when the EMS supervisor or medical director drives by.
25. The proper response to a board of inquiry is not “But ‘treason’ is such a hard word.”
26. It is wrong to point out that the neighboring district’s black uniforms with a red patch on the left arm are inappropriate for various historical reasons given the fact that there’s a synagogue next to their station. Especially must not point this out to the press.
27. The “Buddy Christ” statue (http://store.yahoo.com/jsbstash/budchrisdass1.html) is to be removed from the dash of the ambulance immediately.
28. Station 6 can not secede from the rest of the district.
29. There is no such thing as “The 2x4 of Immunity” and I should stop swinging it at drunk patients who have repeatedly had the sh-t beat out of them in order to attempt to render them immune to future trauma.
30. It is wrong to willfully exacerbate the fears of my patients.
31. Must stop chanting “Patients are the enemy…..I must eliminate my enemy” while listening to “Conflict” by Disturbed at a volume that would deafen the guys from Deep Purple.
32. The proper way to perform a dopamine calculation does not involve, in any way shape or form, knowing the airspeed velocity of a sparrow, either laden or unladen.
33. I am not allowed to exacerbate my supervisor’s feeling of nameless dread.
34. I am not allowed to pull up behind a parked semi while my partner is sleeping in the passenger seat of the ambulance, lay on the horn and scream “LOOK OUT!!!!!!!!!”
35. Not allowed to refer to the proctologist as “that a--hole doc” anymore.
36. Not allowed to mark my unit out of service in order to respond to the Bat Signal, no matter what dastardly danger threatens fair Gotham.
37. In regards to #36, “bat nipples” are not part of a proper EMS uniform.
38. From now on, if a patient’s chief complaint involves “I was bitten by a plague rat”, I will contact medical control and let them know about this PRIOR to contacting the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
39. The proper German translation of “EMS Supervisor” is “Rettungsdienstleiter”, not “Rettungsfuhrer” so I will take that sign off of the door immediately.
40. Not allowed to standby while stupid probie firefighters nearly asphyxiate themselves because of thorough unfamiliarity with their SCBA’s.
41. Not allowed to bite the drug dog.
42. Not even if “he tried to bite me first!”
43. Not allowed to lick ER nurses.
44. A flying tackle is not the appropriate way to get a chief’s attention.
45. Not allowed to elect a stuffed penguin the new volunteer EMS supervisor.
46. Not allowed to bring a baby alligator to the station and announce that it’s “the new mascot”.
47. Not allowed to play to the Chief’s delusions of godhood.
48. Not allowed to assemble hamster tubes throughout the station to “give the little guys room to play!”
49. Not allowed to answer honestly when Game Warden asks what we were going to do with a 12 ft python we removed from someone’s house.
50. Especially not when the answer to #49 involves the words “chief’s office”
51. “Because I got tired of telling the b-stard to be careful” is not an acceptable excuse when your partner finally shocked himself while defibing a patient.
2. The rule against forming a union at this service also apply to forming a guild hall.
3. Not allowed to reenact scenes from Monty Python’s Life of Brian on scene.
4. My job description does not include the charge to “winnow out the weak”. With that caveat, high explosives need not be included in the jump kit.
5. Fishnet stockings are not to be worn while on duty, even if they are not visible under my pants.
6. Not allowed to frighten livestock by “mooing” at them through the PA mike on the ambulance
7. Not allowed the Grim Reaper outfit while on duty (not even on Halloween). Or the Easter Bunny costume, or the Cupid suit, etc.
8. We do not sell advertising space on the ambulance, our uniforms or on the jump bags. We also can not drag advertising banners behind the ambulance. And yes you have to give back the money.
9. It is not the role of the service’s public information officer to tell obscene jokes in front of the press. This is why you are no longer the PIO.
10. Not allowed to diagnose psychological problems and “shallow gene pool” is not listed in the DSM-IV anyhow. Ditto for “too stupid to f---ing live”
11. “I was bored” is not an excuse for anything done in the crew quarters with a bullhorn, a goat and a storm whistle.
12. Not allowed to continue to use the Organ Procurement Organization cooler to store my lunch.
13. It is possible to consume too much coffee before going on a call.
14. When my rhythm on an EKG changes from sinus rhythm to something that the cardiologist had a hard time identifying, I have achieved #13.
15. Must leave the noble art of dentistry to professionals
16. Yes, we are professionals, but not that kind of professional.
17. The cattle prod….get rid of it NOW.
18. It is wrong to require the rookie to serve as a test subject when CCSD Deputy Best wants to try out his new super-potent pepper foam.
19. Must not require the EMT students to take a loyalty oath in German
20. Not allowed to put fake blood capsules in your mouth before walking up to a frequent flyer.
21. Must stop waving hand over psych patients and saying “The Force is strong in this one”.
22. About the battering ram, two words: BAD THEORY.
23. Must not prove the medical director or EMS supervisor wrong when they say “you wouldn’t dare!”.
24. Must not dip the ensign when the EMS supervisor or medical director drives by.
25. The proper response to a board of inquiry is not “But ‘treason’ is such a hard word.”
26. It is wrong to point out that the neighboring district’s black uniforms with a red patch on the left arm are inappropriate for various historical reasons given the fact that there’s a synagogue next to their station. Especially must not point this out to the press.
27. The “Buddy Christ” statue (http://store.yahoo.com/jsbstash/budchrisdass1.html) is to be removed from the dash of the ambulance immediately.
28. Station 6 can not secede from the rest of the district.
29. There is no such thing as “The 2x4 of Immunity” and I should stop swinging it at drunk patients who have repeatedly had the sh-t beat out of them in order to attempt to render them immune to future trauma.
30. It is wrong to willfully exacerbate the fears of my patients.
31. Must stop chanting “Patients are the enemy…..I must eliminate my enemy” while listening to “Conflict” by Disturbed at a volume that would deafen the guys from Deep Purple.
32. The proper way to perform a dopamine calculation does not involve, in any way shape or form, knowing the airspeed velocity of a sparrow, either laden or unladen.
33. I am not allowed to exacerbate my supervisor’s feeling of nameless dread.
34. I am not allowed to pull up behind a parked semi while my partner is sleeping in the passenger seat of the ambulance, lay on the horn and scream “LOOK OUT!!!!!!!!!”
35. Not allowed to refer to the proctologist as “that a--hole doc” anymore.
36. Not allowed to mark my unit out of service in order to respond to the Bat Signal, no matter what dastardly danger threatens fair Gotham.
37. In regards to #36, “bat nipples” are not part of a proper EMS uniform.
38. From now on, if a patient’s chief complaint involves “I was bitten by a plague rat”, I will contact medical control and let them know about this PRIOR to contacting the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
39. The proper German translation of “EMS Supervisor” is “Rettungsdienstleiter”, not “Rettungsfuhrer” so I will take that sign off of the door immediately.
40. Not allowed to standby while stupid probie firefighters nearly asphyxiate themselves because of thorough unfamiliarity with their SCBA’s.
41. Not allowed to bite the drug dog.
42. Not even if “he tried to bite me first!”
43. Not allowed to lick ER nurses.
44. A flying tackle is not the appropriate way to get a chief’s attention.
45. Not allowed to elect a stuffed penguin the new volunteer EMS supervisor.
46. Not allowed to bring a baby alligator to the station and announce that it’s “the new mascot”.
47. Not allowed to play to the Chief’s delusions of godhood.
48. Not allowed to assemble hamster tubes throughout the station to “give the little guys room to play!”
49. Not allowed to answer honestly when Game Warden asks what we were going to do with a 12 ft python we removed from someone’s house.
50. Especially not when the answer to #49 involves the words “chief’s office”
51. “Because I got tired of telling the b-stard to be careful” is not an acceptable excuse when your partner finally shocked himself while defibing a patient.
"Borrowing" them from.
