Thesis Statement

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escc1985

Forum Ride Along
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okay so I'm looking for a shocking , exciting thesis statement for my Research Paper on the Dangers of EMT

this is what i wrote to my professor as a thesis statement

These emergency medical technicians(EMTs) and paramedics respond to automobile Crashes, shootings, medical emergencies, hazardous Material incidents and large-scale disasters. However, little is known regarding the risks associated with this Occupation.

and my professor replied back

"It's intriguing to focus on the dangers to the medical caregiver rather than the patients. When you say that "little is known about the risks," though, what do you mean? Why don't we know about the risks? I think you're stumbling toward a thesis, but not quite there yet. You need to make a statement that asserts something not obvious-- something that needs to be researched and proven. Why not go ahead with this general idea of risks to tbe EMT and begin some preliminary research. Then you might be able to find some interesting gem of information that gives you your thesis."

Can someone help me or explain to me , what he means or wants ?
 
JPINFV

JPINFV

Gadfly
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How do you know that little is known regarding the risks associated with EMS?
 
JPINFV

JPINFV

Gadfly
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Serious question. Do you understand the concept of a thesis argument and a research paper? I think you're missing the point of a research paper.
 
S

Seaglass

Lesser Ambulance Ape
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What's this paper for?

For any claim, you need citations. Have you conducted a literature review on the risks associated with EMS?
 
MMiz

MMiz

I put the M in EMTLife
Community Leader
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As an English teacher, I think your concept of a thesis statement is a bit off. I won't even get started on your usage and grammar. You have a general idea, but it's not nearly organized enough for a true research paper thesis statement.

What are you looking to research? What are you trying to prove?

For example, one could say:

While pre-hospital emergency medicine has significantly evolved over the past century, medics today face new and constantly evolving hazards of personal injury due to dynamic working conditions, challenging patient illnesses, and the new threat of terrorism.

You'd need to work on the wording and refine the thesis, but then you'd spend a few paragraphs detailing the origins, progression, and advancement of EMS over the years. Then you'd write about the dynamic working conditions and how they're hazardous (lifting, treating patients on potentially hazardous scenes, etc.) then you would write about new illnesses that medics face that present problems to traditional EMS. Finally you could write about the threat of terrorism and how that has transformed EMS and presents a clear danger to first responders.

I always teach my students, both middle school and high school, that your thesis statement should provide you an opportunity to provide background information and then allow you to present three arguments or focus items.

I hope that helps.
 
SanDiegoEmt7

SanDiegoEmt7

Forum Captain
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Please read MMiz's comment, its right on the money.

What your professor is saying, is that while your area of interest could support an interesting paper, your thesis does not.

A thesis is an argument, NOT a statement. You are simply making a generic statement "EMS is dangerous". You are missing the COUNTER-ARGUMENT. When writing a thesis you are taking a topic that has two or more opposing view points. You choose which side you feel has a stronger argument and then you show why it is the better argument.

(If your topic does not have a counter argument, then it is a commonly accepted view point and there is no point in writing a paper)

For your topic the opposing arguments would be: EMS is dangerous and EMS has made many advances in safety over time (or something to that effect)

Then as Miz example beautifully shows, you would construct a thesis that shows the counterargument followed by the your argument. As you write your paper addressing the different areas of focus (in Miz's example this would be work injuries, working conditions, patient illnesses, and terrorism) it is important that you address your counterargument at each of these points.

When concluding you will summarize how you have just dis-proven or adequately outweighed the counterargument.

This is a little disorganized but I hope this helps.

Here is a link to my website for one of my classes, on the left there are links describing every part of the essay. If you don't understand a Thesis I suggest you read all of them. Remember that these are specific to my class and the formatting and citations may be different for your professor

http://revelle.ucsd.edu/humanities/writing-info/writing-info.html
 
Sandog

Sandog

Forum Asst. Chief
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If I may add to some already great suggestions. Your thesis is your argument and it serves as a funnel to channel your argument in such a way that all subsequent paragraphs support your thesis. For example;

There are many perils involved with being an EMT. <----- Thesis statement.

---->Paragraph one ----->
On one occasion my partner and I came under gunfire as a lunatic unleashed his anger towards us. (Add more to the story)

---->Paragraph two ----->
As an EMT the expectation of being jumped by gang members was bever a consideration, but that is what happened. blah blah blah.

---->Paragraph three ----->
We were lucky to come out of this thing alive...

And finally your conclusion where you sum up all the parts into a neatly wrapped package.

---->Conclusion ----->

Danger has knocked on my doorstep many times as an EMT. It is certainly a dangerous profession, but I would not trades jobs for anything... blah blah stuff.
----------------------------------------------

The conclusion should just reiterate your thesis.

I am not a English teacher, but I did work at my college as a school writing center tutor. I got 3 semester units out of the deal, and some satisfaction of helping a few peeps. :)
 
Last edited by a moderator:
mycrofft

mycrofft

Still crazy but elsewhere
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Narrow it down and cut the hyperbolic obfuscation.

Something like "With the advent of the cell phone, the intruson of unwanted bystanders has made field EMS work more complicated" or something like that.
Make a list of ideas, quickly survey the literature to triage them into "No good", "Hard to support", or "Go for it".
If (no, when) you use words like "many", "most", "always", "never", "very", be prepared every time to support them.
Keep it simple, sharp and incisive, like a scalpel, not a Popiel Onion Chopper.
 
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