Bad Calls

[Jayxbird521]

I Thought This thread would be good to start for those who wanna get things off there chest i weather your a firefighter, EMT or a medic we all see the worst stuff people could imagine we watch people die in front of our eyes and in our arms we see people burnt alive and babies beat to death and i think we should support ourseves throught the EMT life comunity,


It was a bad day for me already had a carrdiac arrest that was pronouced dead when we got to the hospital and had a DOA where the a son came over to visit his mom who he haddent herd from in two days. it was only 900hrs i pulled out my ipod and started to lisen to music and dance ha thats what i usaly do to try and make myself feel better qanyway there werent anymore runs untill abought 5:30 it was for a DOA we got on scene and found a 40yo lady being Dragged to the PD car and one of the officers came up to us and sead follow me walked into what looked like a little kids room it had pink wallpaper and all sorts of lil toys then i look up and see a ropemade out of towels tied to something up on a ceiling and some thing hanging down like a cacoon it was a lil 3 month yo baby and the mother had beaten the kid to death with a bat right when i saw it i ran out of the house sat in the ambulance and just thought abought how my current gf is preg and wanted to know what in the hell that baby could have done to make a mom do that everyone in our crew and the seven police officers went under counsling for abought two months thats one of the things that will always always stick with me.....................

 

[EMTgurl911]

Wow, I can imagine going in a suitation like that and seeing that horrific scene and then I imagine why mothers think the way they do..Not trying to sound cocky or anything but I'm basically the successful one out my girlfriends I mean I'm 21 yo and a EMT and not any one of them has jobs, been to school, and all of them have babies already and I think wow are they that stupid? I mean at least from what I was raised, was to get your life situated before you have kids because thats the best thing to do but I mean people make mistakes in life,but when my boyfriend's dad comes home and tells me the calls he goes on too its always these young mothers in there 20s always doing something weird like that to their children...and I don't know why mothers do that....

But to go on with the subject I remember when I was in class and we had to do our field shifts and I remeber this one call my friend went on and she went into a house I guess it was in the day time, but she went in there and seen a lady on a old bed covered in vomit and feces and she had what appeared to be from what she said her daughter or friend and the lady was carrying her bashing her against the wall and saying shes dead shes dead and then she said the lady wasn't even normal she had feces all over her...but I guess she went to counseling and everything for it sooo...but I don't have any not yet anyway<_<

 

[Outbac1]

It sounds like you had a really bad day. I don't know what makes people do the things they do. Children shouldn't be having children. Age alone does signify that someones an adult. These abusers do not know when to say when. It makes for some very sad scenes.

I think you should talk to some professional people about your bad day. I'm sure the local hospital will have a Critical Incident Stress program in place. Please take advantage of it. I know I have in the past and am the better for it.

Talking to us here is a form of venting and is good too. All of us in this business have had crappy days and lousy calls and I know our hearts go out to you and the families of your patients.

PS Your post was much easier to read today. Please continue to put an effort into your typing.

 

[Noctis Lucis Caelum]

Man, after reading that i can't imagine whats its like being there myself looking at the scene. I know what i'm getting myself into and i'm not afraid. But hearing these sort of things are just tragic. I hope you keep your head up and have better days

 

[Pittsburgh Proud]

Years ago I watched three young teenage kids burn to death in a car wreak / fire and what a helpless feeling watching them burn and not being able to do anything till the fire was out. By then it was to late. I had nightmares for years, and the smell you will never forget. There will never be a smell as bad as burning flesh.
The general public has no clue the things we see and have to deal with.

 

[Airwaygoddess]

My thoughts are with you today

Words cannot express how I felt after reading your post, I do know I will think about you today. May you find peace and strength and know we are all with you when you run those hard calls........-_-

 

[Ops Paramedic]

Unfortunetly we bear the brunt of humans are capable of, and that is not always the good side, but it is reality. You have to ensure that you deal with in the correct way, promptly.

In hindsight, we get them to. Mothers, from as young as 12 years and often having their second, cannot deal with these children. They drown in the toilets or leave them in the field in a plastic bag. There are some childrens homes have built in an "Unwanted child drop off post box" in the wall, whereby these children can be placed in. I am not sure of the alarming mechanism, but the children are them fetched and cared for.

 

[fma08]

while not as bad as some of the previous posts, this was my worst (so far). Around 1700 get a call to a hospital in town for an unresponsive female. Ok... i thought, well we get there and walk in the room, and it was an instant oh $#!+. Elderly female laying flat, NRB going, huge snoring, wet respirations. I look at the monitor she's hooked up to... another oh $#!+. BP of 50's over 30's, ECG was a Junctional Escape in the 50's. By the time it hit me to really get going, the medic i was riding with was already attempting to get a brief Hx, from the nurses, who for whatever reason were not being cooperative. The most we got out of them was she had a previous stroke about a month or so before, she had a trach that she pulled out 3 days before, so a fresh incision. Staff noticed an AMS in her around 1600 decreasing to unresponsive when they called us. We get her loaded up on the cot and get going. We get in the truck, the medic gets up at the head working on the airway, suctions a ton of stuff out and tubes her. I was working on getting our Lifepack 12 on her, and to my luck couldnt find the cardiac patches, so we slap the fast patches on. She had a pic line in and was on a dopamine drip (with macro drip tubing). So i switch it over to micro and start to set it back up... forgetting the dosing for dopamine... ( pissed at myself at this point). I switch places with the medic and start keeping the airway going. Bagging her we noticed a little SQ emphysema. Then her whole face started, literally blowing up with air.... thanks to the trach. So we pull the tube. I start bagging her, now thanks to the tube being out the air starts leaking through the trach, so now the medic had to hold the trach shut while i bagged, (since she was in respiratory arrest by now). We checked and she still had a weak pulse. We pull into the ER and transfer her over.. about 5min later, the coded her. So i felt like crap for not really accomplishing anything on that call and to top it off the medic had transported her a week or so earlier and informed me that she was the grandmother of another student who is in my class.... So now i really felt like :censored::censored::censored::censored: and i couldnt really bring myself to talk to her for a few days until i found out that she (the pt.) died later that day, and she (the student) found out i was on the call.... still makes me feel like :censored::censored::censored::censored: thinking about that call..

 

[pumper12fireman]

To the OP, keep your head up, and try and de-stress as best you can.

This past month was a bad month for me as well, but it seems to be turning around. In fact, the day after a bad shift, I was working my second civilian job and an older woman recognized my fire dept hat. She went on to thank me for all I do and how great it was to "know a real life hero". I thanked her graciously, and thanked her for her support. Things like that really helps get ya through the tough times/scenes that we're exposed to...

 

[Jayxbird521]

I think what we all can do and need to do is talk to people and have hobbies outside of our work we should all have pride in what we do after every bad run i think back to all the lives i have saved and all the people that thanked me and then i think abought the funny calls it all helps me

 

[rsdemt]

I can not even, imagine being on that call.
I would be glad that the police got there first.
I would probably had gotten the 3 month old down, and HUNG HER!
I can not understand what a 3 month old could do, to make ANYONE do something like that!
I have been a "father" to my niece, since her father left her at like 2 years of age. I moved in with my sister, and we took care of her.
She would cry, throw tantrums, etc. . BUT I would have NEVER, anytime, anywhere wanted to kill her (i could not even HURT HER. IE:spanking.)
I would ground her and tell her what she did wrong, and explain why it was wrong.
Onvce again I ask, what can a child do to be killed?
Grounding my niece, especially as a teenager, no tv, no computer, no radio etc. was "killing" enough to her.
I bless you for this call. At least god has another precious little angel. And a much better life than he had before.

 

[rsdemt]

My own bad call

I did not mention, in my orev. post to you my worst call.
It was actually one of my VERY FIRST CALLS. It was thanksgiving day and the call went out for a "cpr in progress" call at a local grocery store. The medic, unit I was on, our engine, and a local ambulance was dispatched.
We arrived on the scene, and the closer ambulance crew was already there. I walked in and herd "shock advised."
1st time I had heard, or seen an AED. But anyway a man, I can;t remember but I think he was in the 80's.
Laying on the floor in full arrest. The medics, obviously "did their thing" I helped with CPR, loading the patient, bagging the pt etc. Well it was a pretty typical cardiac arrest TILL WE HEARD THE SIDE FACTS. Yjis man had gone to the grocery store, to buy jis wife a dozen roses, for thanksgiving day. While standing in line to pay, is when he went down. Our crew was still there, the medic filling out the report, restocking and cleaning the unit. After me and the others were done cleaning andd restocking, we went back into the E.R. We were walking past the family room, right after the doctor, and a nyrse walked in to tell the mans wife that her husband died. Well after the Dr. told her, the nurse handed her the roses.
We all looked at each other, and you could of her a pin drop. Plis my, and all the others crew eyes were welling up with tears. Thank goodness, the medic had cleared us, for calls. We ewre dispatched to a "bs" accident call.
We went back and walked into the TV room an no one said a word for like 20 minutes, till we were dispatched to another call. We were so busy that day, that one of the members moms, ended up cooking us dinner.
When I got homw the next day I looked at my sister, my Niece, and (guess what) roses on the table where they were eating breakfasy.
My sister asked if I was hungry I simply shook my head no. Walked to my room and cried. I know to most people this was not such a big dea;. But one of my first calls, and him buying flowers. That call has lasted me a LONG time.

 

[fma08]

you do what you gotta do to "get over" a call like that, i came pretty dang close to crying later that night after mine, instead i just went home and played guitar for 2 hours straight... playing the blues the whole time. everyone has their own way of dealing with stress, i cant tell anyone how to deal with it, just that they need to do it in a healthy way, props to you man, and to the rest of the people that post on here and are still able to do this work.

 

[rsdemt]

My own bad call

I did not mention, in my first post to you my worst call.
It was actually one of my VERY FIRST CALLS. It was Thanksgiving Day and the call went out for a "CPR in progress" call at a local grocery store. The medic, unit I was on, our engine and a local ambulance was dispatched.
We arrived on the scene, and the closer ambulance crew was already there. I walked in and heard "shock advised."
1st time I had heard, or seen an AED. But anyway a man, I can't remember but I think he was in the 80's.
Laying on the floor in full arrest. The medics obviously "did their thing" I helped with CPR, loading the patient, bagging the pt etc. Well it was a pretty typical cardiac arrest TILL WE HEARD THE SIDE FACTS. This man had gone to the grocery store, to buy jhis wife a dozen roses, for Thanksgiving Day. While standing in line to pay, is when he went down. Our crew was still there, the medic filling out the report, restocking and cleaning the unit. After the others and me were done cleaning and restocking, we went back into the E.R. We were walking past the family room, right after the doctor, and a nurse walked in to tell the mans wife that her husband died. Well after the Dr. told her, the nurse handed her the roses.
We all looked at each other, and you could of her a pin drop. Plus my, and all the others crew eyes were welling up with tears. Thank goodness, the medic had cleared us, for calls. We were dispatched to a "BS" accident call.
We went back and walked into the TV room and no one said a word for like 20 minutes, till we were dispatched to another call. We were so busy that day, that one of the members moms, ended up cooking us dinner.
When I got home the next day I looked at my sister, my Niece, and (guess what) roses on the table where they were eating breakfast.
My sister asked if I was hungry I simply shook my head no. Walked to my room and cried. I know to most people this was not such a big Deal But one of my first calls, and him buying flowers. That call has lasted me till this day.

 

[Ridryder911]

It's a job that's all. It sucks sometimes and if you want to stay in it, you will learn on how to deal with it or it will deal with you. Unfortunately, there are many that can not appropriately learn to handle it.

There are so many nightmare calls I have had, I could write a book. From the mother that baked her infant, to working a MCI killing over 200 people. Again, it is just part of the job. Yet, meet any medic that has been one for very a period of time, they can tell you their own.

We are not real hero's we provide a needed service, either we are paid or expected to perform. Is our job important, yeah; so is everyone else's. Should we have pride in what we do.. yeah, up to a point.

Knowing that you do the best that could be performed is all about you can do, knowing you gave it your all. Alike many posts.. " Remember, it is the patients emergency, not your own".. A healthy dissociation has to be developed.

R/r 911

 

[firetender]

It's a job that's all. It sucks sometimes and if you want to stay in it, you will learn on how to deal with it or it will deal with you...
R/r 911

Were it only a job, there wouldn't be forums like these, nor would there be topics like this one. My Brother's been working the Post Office for 35 + years, and he tells me they never talk about $hit like this!

It's not a job. It's a window into heaven or hell; it's your choice.

In the process of taking a journey on the edge of life and death you end up falling smack dab into the center of humanity. If it all looks evil to you, then you're in the wrong job. Not because I don't want you there. It's because if you can't see the wonder of even the worst, then you're just torturing yourself until you burn out.

No matter what level of experience you're at, it's time to let in the Wonder, and begin talking about it, too.

What you're seeing -- as loathe as most of us are to admit it -- is a reflection of things that live inside you. I don't know how any of us who've been in the field for more than a few years can escape the reality that given the right circumstances, each of us would be capable of doing ANYTHING.

(To say we couldn't possibly do the worst is to admit we could never possibly do the best. The inescapable package that life comes in is built of contrast; there can't be the potential of one without there being the potential for the other.)

So much of the stress around this job is that we think we're supposed to save people and then get all bent out of shape when their lives slip through our fingers or we spend most of our time doing other things. Let's face it; ultimately, we're gonna lose and we're not here to "make happen" we're here to participate!

So how could we frame what we do in such a way as to give us a conceptual hub that we can keep going back to to keep us on track?

Of course it will be different for everyone, and maybe that's the whole point: Each of us doing this type of work would be well-served by taking the time to draw up a "Mission Statement" In a paragraph or two, it would outline why you got into the profession in the first place and what would be the one statement that you could always go back to that reminds you of what you're doing?

But let me take a stab at this since I've literally been working on coming to terms with this theme for the last 30 years of my life.

We're here to participate in a facet of life that most people are unwilling or unable to do. We're here to witness some of the things that no one should ever have to see, but somebody has to because WITHOUT witnesses, the darkness can't come into the light. We're here because some day, maybe many days if we're lucky enough, we'll stumble on the perfect application of our knowledge and experience to give someone enough of a chance to decide to come back.

Uh-oh, that's pretty Woo-woo ain't it? Since everyone DOES die, though, why does ANYONE come back? Is it solely because of the things we do? Is this all simply a mechanical process? Whom amongst us is thoroughly convinced of that?

Most of us are not, but the culture of the paramedic discourages our speaking of such things; those of us who need to, anyway. And I'll be the first to acknowledge AND support that not everyone finds the need to pick apart every little nook and cranny of their experience of the profession. My point is, each of us should be supported in finding and exploring our particular "hot-buttons"; the situations that would either break us down or jettison us out the door: the things we're afraid to talk about.

There's a variable in the process of life being lost that is not at all dependent upon us, or circumstances; it's all about The Great Mystery -- and that will accommodate any name or concept you want to put on it.

The original poster hit the nail right on the head..."Let's talk about this stuff!"

What would happen if those who've gone through real traumatic days and come through them with insights into the way life works (on a much more than mechanical level which is where we tend to get hung up!) shared their experiences as well?

I offer this as a contribution to this thread; to broaden its scope.

 

[bled12345]

watch BME pain olympics to desensetize yourself and drink lots of booze hahahha. but no seriously, I dunno...

 

[BossyCow]

I've always been able to smart :censored: my way through most of the icky stuff I've seen on calls. This all ended for me a few weeks ago. Our SAR unit went out on a lost child. The 3 year old boy had a habit of wandering off around his family's acreage and had been lost before.

We found him in a pond after many hours of searching.

I think the worst part for me was being in such close proximity to the raw pain, and grief of the family. Once the child was found, our job was over, we just packed things up and went home. The family of the child had a process, the funeral, the gathering of friends and loved ones, the system of dealing with the death.

As EMS providers, we go back to work, home or on with our lives without the closure that the family has. We do a debrief of the technical aspects of the call but the closest we have to any kind of system for the emotional impact of a call like this is the CISD, or CISM system which has been pointed out many times to be lacking on many levels.

On most calls, I have a network of friends and family that are in EMS and I can generally decompress with them. On this one, I found myself avoiding that support system and pulling away from it. I needed to work through this one on my own, and privately.

I think the important thing to remember is when it has gone too far and when we need to seek professional help. We also need to watch out for each other. I'm coming out of the fog on this one gradually and not without some long term scar tissue. But, I think, the day I am immune to reacting emotionally to that kind of expressed pain in my fellow human beings, is the day I lose my humanity.

 

[firetender]

In Hawaii "Mahalo!" means Thanks!

I've been really paying attention to this aspect of this site and have something to share.

For years, both as a medic (1973-1985) and for maybe another 20 years I pretty much worked under the assumption that I was the only one who allowed calls to "get in" and then learned how to work through them on not only technical and mental, but emotional and spiritual levels as well.

Few were the times when I encountered a peer in distress and, offering emotional support, had it accepted AND then used as a shared springboard for deeper, more personal exploration. It was, probably 95+ % of the time band-aid, mostly designed to keep the person in the game. I was not much different than my peers when it came to bringing up the subject.

But I also noticed lots of moments when my peers had their emotional/spiritual asses kicked by a call-related incident, started to go there, and then retreated. Very often by someoone cracking a joke to diffuse the ouch.

The culture of the paramedic didn't necessarily discourage, but it sure didn't at all support an atmosphere where honest sharing ocurred between medics. That culture was formed by us, all of us.

You all are forming a new culture here.

After lurking around this site for about a year, I was happily surprised to discover that give-and-take conversations in that vein were actually going on. I started to offer my two cents, mostly focusing on the emotional aspects of the profession, and finding opportunities to BE that kind of support.

In the years that had passed since I left the field, I can honestly say the hub of all my explorations in the healing arts revolved around learning the difference between being a "Flesh Mechanic" and a Healer.

I was happily surprised to find that even the most weathered, sardonic Flesh Mechanics amongst us would occasionally rise up in stellar and very human ways to share their personal experiences in sensitive and supportive words that they probably could never have articulated at the time the incidents happened.

Of course, most often they'd retreat back into their armor but here, on the record, are examples that each and every one of us goes through this $hit, AND everyone of us has to do some personal work to get through it.

I was happily surprised to find that there was sensitivity enough to the people on this site, and a feeling of safety strong enough to, without fanfare, make it very clear that the very human conflicts we have in the profession are welcomed here.

This is by no means a site for whiners or cry-babies. I'd say that the amount of personal trauma experienced and spoken about on this site is probably proportional to what actually happens "out there."

But the BIG difference is that personal trauma, conflicts and pain are brought to the table along with all the other aspects of the profession. It is acknowledged to be a part of the territory.

"Out there?" Not so much.

But here, it happens and I'm very thankful to be a part of it.

Russ, a firetender
www.healingartscentral.com