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40 things I would like to say out loud at work …

Discussion in 'EMS Humor' started by ClarkKent, Jun 19, 2010.

  1. ClarkKent

    ClarkKent New Member

    Location:
    Sacramento, Ca
    1.I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of s_it.

    2.I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

    3.How about never? Is never good for you?

    4.I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

    5.I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see if my way.

    6.I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.

    7.I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

    8.I don’t work here. I am a consultant.

    9.It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you are saying.

    10. Ahh…I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again…

    11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

    12. You are validating my inherent distrust of strangers.

    13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.

    14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

    15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

    16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by you unique point of view.

    17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you are an artist.

    18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

    19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?

    20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.

    21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.

    22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

    23. And your crybaby whiny-a_sed opinion would be…?

    24. Do I look like a people person?

    25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.

    26. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

    27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

    28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

    29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

    30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

    31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

    32. Can I trade this job for what behind door #1?

    33. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

    34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

    35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

    36. Chaos, panic and disorder – my work here is done.

    37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

    38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

    39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

    40. Oh I get it…like humor…but different.
  2. Naota_X

    Naota_X New Member

    Location:
    Detriot MI
    EMS Training:
    EMT-Basic
    hah i like this one "It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off "
    very funny stuff ^_^
  3. EMTRabbit

    EMTRabbit New Member

    Location:
    New Jersey
    EMS Training:
    EMT-Basic
    can this apply to my EMT-B Class because i swear i've said half of this under my breath
    very funny
  4. mycrofft

    mycrofft Still crazy but elsewhere

    Location:
    Central California
  5. MTEMTB

    MTEMTB New Member

    Location:
    Montana
    EMS Training:
    EMT-Basic
    41. You just freaked out my PT that I just got calm. Now I'm going to punch you in the mouth.
  6. mycrofft

    mycrofft Still crazy but elsewhere

    Location:
    Central California
    "The Forty-first Quote". I like that!

    Okay, #41: "When a code patient expires, could you try to refrain from that 'Ladies and Gentlemen, Elvis has LEFT the building!!!' horsehockey?"<_<
  7. firetender

    firetender Active Member

    Location:
    Maui, HI
    EMS Training:
    EMT-Paramedic
    Old School!

    Please put down the donut, Officer, and mug him until I get my intubation equipment out.
  8. wolfwyndd

    wolfwyndd New Member

    Location:
    Springfield, OH
    EMS Training:
    EMT-Intermediate
    Most of these could apply for ANY job, not just EMS.

    My personal favorite is 24.

    Do I look like a people person?
  9. medicRob

    medicRob New Member

    Location:
    Nashville, TN
    Sometimes, I just have the urge to scream DRT or FUBAR (Just the acronym not the actual words, that would be impolite :))
  10. mycrofft

    mycrofft Still crazy but elsewhere

    Location:
    Central California
    #41 (a)

    The paper goes in HERE, the reset button is THERE, and if all else fails turn it off and on. If you don't get it right, next time I'll demonstrate on you.
  11. LucidResq

    LucidResq New Member

    Location:
    CO
    Stop making fun of fat people. You weigh at least 400 pounds and are currently eating out of two different McDonald's bags. (true story!)

    Are you going to learn to pull your pants up or do I need to duct tape that **** for you?
  12. lightsandsirens5

    lightsandsirens5 Gemeinschaft Oberhaupt Community Leader

    Location:
    The Republic of Texas
    EMS Training:
    EMT-Paramedic
    Hold on just one second! You said that lucid?
  13. LucidResq

    LucidResq New Member

    Location:
    CO
    No , true story that a 400+ lb coworker was making fun of fat people as she was sitting eating two bags of McDonald's. Talk about biting one's tongue.
  14. mycrofft

    mycrofft Still crazy but elsewhere

    Location:
    Central California
    Does McDonald's serve tongue?

    ;).............
  15. TransportJockey

    TransportJockey Active Member

    Location:
    TX/NM
    But what if his name is Elvis? I would be so tempted :p
  16. njff/emt

    njff/emt New Member

    Location:
    Carteret, NJ
    EMS Training:
    EMT-Basic
    i've been so tempted to say #35, we had a wait and return trip and the aide's perfume had my nostrils on fire., i could actually smell her down the hall
  17. Lt.Col.Warren

    Lt.Col.Warren New Member

    Location:
    Broward County, Florida
    EMS Training:
    EMT-Basic
    #42. You and both know your fakeing, but lets go through this whole process anyways, its not like I have anything else to be doing at 3 in the morning.
  18. TraumaNerd

    TraumaNerd New Member

    Location:
    Louisville, KY
    EMS Training:
    EMT-Basic
    If you can yell at me from the hall way your not too short of breath...
  19. lightsandsirens5

    lightsandsirens5 Gemeinschaft Oberhaupt Community Leader

    Location:
    The Republic of Texas
    EMS Training:
    EMT-Paramedic
    If you are able to repeatedly ask dispatch to tell me to not use my siren, you probably aren't sick enough for me to use it anyhow.
  20. dmc2007

    dmc2007 New Member

    Location:
    Middlesex, MA
    If you want to smoke before getting in the ambulance, you aren't having difficulty breathing.

    This actually happened.

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